The Smiths

And if a double-decker bus

Crashes into us

To die by your side

Is such a heavenly way to die

And if a ten ton truck

Kills the both of us

To die by your side

Well the pleasure, the privilege is mine

'I think you know when you feel it.'

Tom: " It's official. I'm in love with Summer.

I love her smile. I love her hair. I love her knees. I love this heart-shaped birthmark she has on her neck. I love the way she sometimes licks her lips before she talks. I love the sound of her laugh. I love the look when she's sleeping.

I love how I hear this song every time I think of her. I love how she makes me feel. "

23, and blessed.

I hope you don't mind that I post more quotes in this blog. I just love reading them! Nonetheless it will probably make me even lazier to post real entries, but I can't help it! Sharing these quotes with you makes me as happy as reading them myself. So I hope you like it too.

So, how's it going, folks? I'm really having a good time this weekend, spending the holiday with my family, and of course, enjoying the long weekend without work!

I probably haven't blogged about my birthday, which was pretty low-key if you ask me. I'm never big on birthdays, and there's a reason why I never really feel like throwing a party every year to celebrate the fact that I'm still blessed with another year on this earth. (So morbid!) But yeah, during high school, when most of my friends held their birthday parties in hotels and extravagant restaurants, I simply had a simple get-together with close friends. Last year, my friends paid a surprise visit to my room on the midnight of my birthday when I was already in bed, wearing embarrassing clothes with my hair sticking out in every direction. That's how much I really made effort for my own birthday.

This year was no difference. I woke up feeling ever the same; got ready for work and got an early birthday hugs and wishes from my sisters and cousin at home. My dad left me a present too, which was, a book on 'success'. Ah, bless him. But I went to work really early, and I felt strangely at ease and relieved that no one in the office would know what day it was.

But I was in for a surprise, because they did know. They got me, I didn't see it coming at all. We celebrated it with a cake, and despite me not liking surprises, I was really touched and pleased. Here they were, people I just got to know, and they made an effort for me. I am utterly grateful.

At night, we had another cake that my sister bought. It was a chocolate log cake, and we had a little celebration and took pictures, and once again I felt blessed for these people. Wishes from family and friends were good enough, I didn't need much else. I was happy, and appropriately so.

The fact that I am now 23 doesn't make much difference, aside from the realization that I'm not a child anymore and I should take things more seriously. But all in all, I am happy with my life, and with the people that are still in it. Thank you everyone, who has made me feel special and let that known.

Anyway, I should post some pictures from the occasion, but my cousin hasn't uploaded them to computer, so I'll do that soon. Well, I guess, I wanna say, that I may not be big on birthdays, but it's utterly nice to know that some people would go through troubles just to remind me that I should be; that maybe, it is something worth celebrating.

- Paulo Coelho.

"In real life, love has to be possible. Even if it is not returned right away, love can only survive when the hope exists that you will be able to win over the person you desire."

Finished Seeing...

"Your senses must be alert when Fringe-ing."

I love this show.

:)

December 25

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.

Merry Christmas, everyone! Happy holidays! I may not celebrate today with extravagant parties, but I have with me everyone I love, and those who love me unconditionally, and that's what matters. I hope all of you are having a blessed day with your loved ones too.

Let us count our blessings and be grateful for everything we've had until today.

Merry Christmas!

This is what keeps me sane.

Cupcakes! ;)

Well, cupcakes don't keep me sane; my friends do.

2009 New Year's Resolution Conclusion

So these were my 2009 new year's resolution which I wrote last year. I remembered writing it after I got back from the States, feeling slightly depressed about being back here with no immediate plan in mind. I wrote what I was feeling at that time, what I needed to change, what mishaps I could have done and learnt from them. Anyway, let's see if I've somehow managed to accomplished most of these.

I will try not to worry and think too much about everything in life. I tend to over-analyze and get paranoid over the small stuffs, so I really need to learn not to sweat over the tiny bit of details, and just enjoy the ride.

I'd like to think that I've gotten better at this. At least, I knew when I was freaking out, and I just tried to calm myself up. This year has been particularly tough on me, and it's easy to just feel useless over the situation. I learnt it the hard way, and I think if you follow my blog, you would realize how much I've complained about this. At the same time, I tried to remain positive and not lose hope. And I think I'm in a much better place right now, and I intend to keep it that way. I'm grateful for the lesson, because it has reminded me to be a much more patient person. "Good things come to those who wait." Remember that.

But not thinking too much doesn't mean not thinking at all, because I'm whole-heartedly aware that I have made many mistakes in the past due to the fact that I simply did not think before I acted. People have been telling me that I possess absolutely zero sense of danger, and that's how I lost my brain sometimes. (e.g: drink too much beyond my capability, unable to say 'no', receive drinks from strangers, and et-cetera et-cetera) So, I should be more careful and take these things more seriously!

I have definitely learned to take care of myself, instead of depend on others to do so. I've gotten more serious and tentative, skeptic at times. In some circumstances, being skeptic isn't always a bad thing.

I will not drunk-dial my ex-boyfriend again, well, I guess that one is pretty personal, no explanation needed. Ha! At least I got one point right! Nah, I think I'm ready to let it go.

It's definitely accomplished. I haven't talked to him in ages, much less drunk-dialled the guy. It's also a very good sign, because one, I'm over it, and two, I'm not making a bigger fool out of myself.

I will not drink tequila again, simply because there has been too many drunken episodes caused by this little bugger, and it doesn't even taste good! Unlike Jargerbomb, which I'm totally hooked these days! (Although you probably don't need to know that!)

I will not have alcohol offered by a guy before going out, no matter how cute he is. Back in Oklahoma, I went out with this guy, and the context wasn't even a date, because I brought along another friend. He was picking us up at our room and I thought once he arrived, we could just go out straightaway, but he told me he wanted to come in first, so he did, and he pulled out a bottle of whisky from his pocket and we ended up finishing the whole bottle before even heading out! Bad, bad, bad guy! Stupid, stupid, stupid me! Couldn't really blame the guy entirely 'cos I played along. (see what I mean about being stupid and not thinking before acting?)

*Chuckle* Well, I do drink tequila still, on certain occasions. (Maybe it's not a good idea to swear off something before you really mean it) Drinking with caution is not a bad thing, is it?

I will find a fulfilling, permanent job! And the point here is fulfilling because I don't want just any jobs. Granted I may not get exactly my dream job straightaway, 'international correspondent', just because it's way too ambitious, (I'm a dreamer but even dreamer has to go back to reality sometimes) I shall seek and explore any other opportunities. Speaking of job, I have just finished my resume...I think! Clap!

Well.. That is covered, for now.

I will be a better friend because friendship means a tad lot to me, and I'm happy I made a lot of new friends last year, but as important is to keep the old ones. And I intend to do just that.

Who knew I was gonna find a really great friend at the start of the year? I'm really thankful for all the friends I have, those who stay, and those who invest in this friendship for as much as I do. They are the best.

I will spend more time with my family. During the course of the past few years, I just realized (it just hit me), that family sticks together no matter what. In fact, they probably are the only ones who won't ever leave. Well, I hope it's not only because of obligation. I have great family, everytime I come back home, I'm constantly reminded of that simple but most of times, taken-for-granted fact. For the resolution, though, I'm starting something simple; spending time with my sisters. Meli is coming to Singapore for her undergraduate study and I definitely want lots of bonding time...even if it's over a game in playstation, knowing her.

Yes. I think I've accomplished that too. My little sister is already here too, and now we spend as much time together as we can, during weekends especially. I'm really glad I have the most amazing sisters!

I will not get too drunk and pass out. Oh my god, so many memories come flooding back. No more any of that! No more throwing up and passing out in public. No more waking up and going like 'what the hell happened?' No more dialling up my friends for vivid details of the events leading to my unconscious state. No more being so embarrassed of seeing people who have witnessed more things than they have bargained for in the eyes. A lot more things. Dammit.

Check!

I will maintain my weight. 48 kg, no more, no less. Well, it probably could go down a little bit seeing how chubby I am, but definitely not more. This arm, right here, has got to go, though.

Okay, this one is a big failure. Not only have I been gaining weight, I'm also ballooning at an uncontrollable rate at the moment. There's no stopping it!

I will not have anything to do with the boy from the seventh floor anymore, simply because I don't want anything out from it, so what's the point? Out of impulse these days I always look up and check on his window to see if his lights are on, and that freaks me out; the fact that I appear to be a little on the stalker-side. And everytime I go down on the lift, I'm anxious that I may bump into him, it's just too weird.

What boy again???

I will read more books and watch more movies.

This is a definite yes. Books and movies are what keep me sane. Can't get enough of 'em.

I will buy myself a new phone, and this has really got to happen. My current phone is ancient, ugly, and friends complain that they often can't reach me, that somehow by miraculous reasons they go straight to mail box. It's time to change this thing I call my handphone, baby.

Yes! I've changed my phone to LG Secret which I have had since probably March. Absolutely loving it and so far it's been treating me good. No more complaints about not being able to reach me. Mission accomplished.

Lastly, I will involve myself in more positive activities, meet more people and not limit my preferences.

Ummm... Well, I am working, so that's definitely a positive activity, right?

Yes, yes, I need more challenging goals for next year!

Unlikely discovery

Today something funny happened at work.

I didn't go straight HA-HA-HA right there and then because hey, I'm new and I still like to keep my integrity intact as 'the new shy girl' for as long as I can, please! I was certainly laughing from the inside, though.

So I have my own desk in front because I guess I'm the media person slash guests-greeter. Yes, my lips are itching from all that smiling to everyone who passes my way. But anyway, at one point of the day I made a really interesting and surprising discovery. We had boxes and boxes of our published magazines here in the office, and as I was observing them, I saw a condom packet on top of one of the boxes.

I was surprised! I looked left and right but noone seemed to be paying any attention, so I quickly grabbed the packet and found that it was still fully sealed. THANK GOODNESS! But the obvious question was, hm, what was it even doing there?

Bearing in mind that we do get magazines and papers delivered everyday, it could be just, that thing somehow fell from the sky; eh I mean, from the whoever-delivery-guy's pocket. Or maybe it's merely a bonus sample from a magazine. There are lots of possibilities, come to think of it. Still, it didn't make my Durex' discovery any less comforting. Although, I did think it was really funny.

Anyway, the day proceeded on and I didn't pay any more attention to that said-packet. As the day grew to an end and I finally was packing up to leave, I somehow remembered this, and I glanced to the box to see the final destiny drawn for the lonely contraceptive device.

Imagine my dismay. The packet was no longer there! Somehow in the 4 hours that passed, someone has managed to snatch that thing away! Why, when, how, why, where?! Hmmm.

I guess that shall remain a mystery.

here?

Could it be?

The one thing that I've been waiting for, is it finally here? For real?

I don't wanna count the chicken before they hatch, but I'm feeling more hopeful than ever.

Please give me what I want.

- from Grey's Anatomy

"Some days, the whole world seems upside down. And then somehow, and probably, and when you least expect it, the world rights itself again."

hooked on series

I think you were there when I was so obsessed with '24'. That might have been the only thing I talked about for at least a few days, and I finished 24 episodes in one season in just a matter of days! I guess that's why it's called obsession, huh?

Plus, I'm a movie junkie, which makes me more prone to this, and I'm loving it if I can get good-enough TV shows to get me really hooked and forget about everything else, like, eating, or doing something productive. (almost...) Although, on a second thought, watching makes me feel hungry even more often than usual, 'cos I like having snacks and nibbling on food while watching. Shucks, that's why my diet always fails miserably.

And now, I think I found my new obsession in Alias and Survivor Samoa.

Both shows are amazing, and equally addictive! I have three complete seasons of Alias at home, which my sister bought a while ago. I've been starting from the first season and I'm now on to Disc 6 in just a day or two. It's awesome! I love the action, drama, twist, and all in all, just the intensity of the story. J.J Abrams is a genius, and recently I've started seeing Fringe too, although at a much slower rate.

Alias is so good, because well, the story itself is just brilliant, so it's hard not to get so into it. And each episode always ends in such a cliffhanger that you simply must watch the next one unless you wanna be kept up all night wondering what's gonna happen to all these characters.

As for Survivor Samoa, well, what can I say? Reality show has its own appeal, don't you think? I've seen a few seasons of Survivor, and they are all good. But this season is especially different and addictive because of one particular contestant. I mean, I can boldly say that he's the main reason why I'm liking this series so much. Anyway, his name is Russell, and anyone wouldn't like him at first because he's so cunning and untrustworthy, the kind of person who would stab you in the back without so much as flinching. But as the game progresses, I don't know, he just becomes this very likeable character, that I can't imagine anyone not rooting for him to win. He's been so brilliant, smart, and consistent in his game; he's the one who has ever played this game Survivor right. It is about outplaying and outwitting everyone else after all, and that's exactly what he's doing. Boldly and shamelessly so.

I'm so hooked on this show and it's crazy. Today the new episode airs on TV and literally I was jumping up and down in panic during Tribal Council in fear that Russell might be voted off. But of course, he wasn't. And then I wonder, how could I take some reality show so seriously, but I don't know, I really do feel some sort of attachments to characters in every kind of shows and movies. I think it's a good thing. Otherwise, don't you think it's just be sad if people are just merely watching without any sorts of emotions at all?

Okay, have I been boring you to tears?! Sorry. I shall end this soon then. On that note, I'd like to know, what is your current favorite show on TV? From the past or present, it doesn't matter. Alias is a really old series, but I just started seeing it now, so don't be ashamed if your answer is uhm..I don't know, Party of Five, or Full House or something.

(hiding laughter) No, no, kidding! Not gonna mock you!

Quotes of the Day

Words and hearts should be handled with care.. for words when spoken and hearts when broken are the hardest thing to repair.

come-hither look?

Oh, by the way, in case you can't see it, the writing on the napkin says "Please unwrap me."

Planning the resolution

Usually at this time of year, I'll have already started making my new year's resolution. Okay, at least, given it a go. It may sound a little cheesy, but I really think it's good to kinda look back and evaluate what you've done, people you've met, places you've been, and issues you've overcome. You know, to just reflect on the whole thing.

I did so for the past few years, and it's nice to have a set of fresh new goals to achieve for the upcoming year, you know?

It's rather hard this year because, I don't know, I don't think I've accomplished anything. Well, aside from the new degree diploma that I just got. Yeah sure, I'm a graduate, yeah, I have a diploma to prove it. Somehow it doesn't make me jump for joy.

People are always the hardest on themselves, I guess. It's like, you know, there's this saying "It's funny how you can always tell when a boy like someone else, but can never tell if he likes you." And I think it's true. Somehow we can't be objective when it comes to ourselves. I scold my friend when he's being too hard on himself, and I have a feeling I do the same thing to myself.

That's why I can't be truly excited about this year, about starting a new one. Usually I can say, 'okay, here's what I did right, and what I did wrong, and well, I'm learning from these mistakes and now we can move on.' But, what have I done for the past months? It's depressing, I know.

Still, I keep reminding myself to remain positive and hopeful. And if my experience could teach me anything, is that, no one should stop trying after a few bumps on the road. And I believe that the best is yet to come, that there have been many other people before me who persevered and succeeded.

Maybe me being hard on myself is just a defense mechanism so I'm never satisfied with what I've done, and therefore kept moving forward.

I'm not too happy about this year, and there are many things I wish I have done differently, but I don't know, maybe that can be part of the mistakes I could learn from. Well, either way, I'm still gonna make that new year's evaluation and resolution. We'll see how that goes.

Hello December

I can't believe December is here already! This is my favorite time of year, so I wish I can scratch it for as long as I can, because the image of starting a new year without much of an accomplishment is..bleh. Not good at all. (And rather discouraging.)

The fact that I'll be turning a year older isn't much help either. No! I don't want to be older just yet! Maybe I should stick to 22. 22 is a good number, isn't it?

Yeah, definitely. I'm sticking.

Anyway, sorry I haven't been writing much at all. I just got back to Singapore two nights ago and I've been meaning to write, it's just my creative juice isn't flowing yet. So...let's give it a little more time. I have to say though, that Jakarta was fun! There's no place like home, and I truly just feel loved, welcomed, and spoiled every time I go back. My family is just amazing, I won't trade them for anything.

And I got to meet my best girlfriends too over the weekend, and we had a blast. So yeah finally I got to go to the new Grand Indonesia (yeah, I'm a disgrace to my country!) and we spent time catching up and having a laugh over lunch, movie, dinner and drinks.

I really love these girls =)

So maybe I should start off with my birthday wishlist!

Until then, guys!

Quotes of the Day

Certain people are like that, I guess. They’re together no matter where they are. They just belong to each other.

November's Bucket List Conclusion

1. Get a job
2. See 'Astro Boy'
3. Get a job
4. Run at least twice a week
5. Get a job
6. See 'Capitalism: A Love Story'
7. Arrange time to meet up with Bonnie, it's been way too long
8. Get a job
9. Take a morning walk through Southern Ridge Park
10. See '2012' for one reason only: John Cusack
11. Get a job
12. Check out Wavehouse at Sentosa
13. Think of something special for Todd's birthday
14. Get a job
15. See 'The Informant'
16. Write at least 10 more blog posts
17. Get a job
18. Oh, have I mentioned, get a job??

Hmm.

Weekend in pictures

Weekend is a major family time here in my household. So if you're interested in being a part of this family, you ought to empty your calendar every Saturday and/or Sunday. Weehee.

Personally, I'm loving this tradition because all of us are doing our own things during the weekdays and sometimes we don't really have enough quality time to spend together. And that's why weekends are important for us to let loose, catch up and have fun. Do things we love doing, whatever weird they may be, like playing charade in the train, challenging each other scrabbles, and other "more-normal" activities like watching movies, exploring town and finding new places to indulge in our love for good ol' food.

Whereas they may be a conflict of interest with friends over which movie to watch, it almost never happens with my sisters and I, because we have exactly the same taste in film. Okay, not 'exactly', but roughly the same. They will never make me watch Paranormal Activity, or trick (and guilt-trip?) me into seeing something scary, because they hate that stuffs too. In short? We're always eager to see the same movies, and that's a lot of a helluva relief.

Last weekend we got to see both Evangelion 2.0 and A Christmas Carol, and both are really awesome.

Because we love our new Canon camera, these are the pictures taken from last weekend with the sisters!






You know, I can never say how lucky I am enough to have my sisters around.

What about you guys? Did you have a great weekend? I hope so. I'm heading home tomorrow morning for a week or two, so I don't think I'll be able to update this blog during that time. But I'll keep my tweets goin'! (There's a link in the sidebar, follow me!)

See you soon! Love you long time. =)

Time for Miracles

" It's late at night and I can't sleep

Missing you just runs too deep

Oh I can't breathe thinking of your smile

Every kiss I can't forget

This aching heart ain't broken yet

Oh God I wish I could make you see

Cuz I know this flame isn't dying

So nothing can stop me from trying

Baby you know that

Maybe it's time for miracles

Cuz I ain't giving up on love "

Quotes of the Day

The thing is, it’s okay to do something just because the people you love want you to. Sometimes that’s a good enough reason.

Lights and The City ♥

After 4 years, I can truly see Singapore as my second home, and now I just wanna share a little bit of that with you.

I guess we can call it, an early Christmas gift.

Orchard Road, Marina and the City.

I love seeing the entire town in such festivity. It reminds me why Christmas is definitely my favorite time of the year!

no clue.

Usually, I always know where I'm going, what I'm gonna do, what the other person is thinking. That's how I like it.

I wish I knew about you too. But right now, I'm drawing a blank.

From 'Interpreter of Maladies'

I know that my achievement is quite ordinary. I am not the only man to seek his fortune far from home, and I am certainly not the first.

Still, there are times I am bewildered by each mile I have traveled, each meal I have eaten, each person I have known, each room in which I have slept.

As ordinary as it all appears, there are times when it is beyond my imagination.

Meh.

Meh. I've been so up and down this week, I don't even know what I'm feeling anymore. One minute I'm all happy and hopeful, the next minute I'm gloomy and miserable. Surely it's not normal? Or maybe I'm just being a typical teenager.

(Can I still call myself a teenager, anyway? Don't remind me that my birthday is coming up, and honestly, this is not where I imagine myself to be at 23. I should be in control of my life, instead, I'm all PMS.)

I know I can be so vague sometimes, like I would tell you I'm happy or whatever, but I don't really elaborate why. Maybe because by saying it out loud just reinforces how lousy and pathetic I really am.

Ha! I guess I'm just having a bad week.

So, I'm gonna end this post by posting something hopeful. I think I should plaster this on my forehead, I'm gonna need it badly.

babbling, because that's how I roll, baby!

Random, totally pointless rant we had on one fine afternoon...

Actually I just wanna test whether uploading video here is possible, well, voila! I guess it is! Now you can skip this video and just move on with life, because you don't have to see this. You really don't.

friends are what will matter in the end

We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere. ♥ ♥

Gullible

When I was a kid, my mom used to tell me all sorts of things. Ridiculous things that mothers say to their children to assert fear so hopefully us kids will stay safe and not do anything stupid, like walking in the middle of the road, or something.

Funny thing is, now that I'm older and I realized how silly some of these things are, I still do them anyway. Maybe it already became a habit, or maybe that's not even it. I guess when you've believed something for a long time, it's not that easy to break away from that.

I'm not talking about Santa Claus, y'all. Sure, I expect a nice Christmas present every year, but I have a more realistic approach. Like, asking for it directly to the source (aka, my parents), instead of waiting around for it.

I remember one time my dad sneaked in a Home Alone VCD under my pillow and I was so excited when I found it. See, who says I'm high maintenance? Boo. Although now that I'm older and all, I just asked my dad for the money. Because whereas VCD may seem like a really cool idea for a 7 year-old, it doesn't have the same effect to a 22-year-old's lady. That's me! And my dad is not exactly the best shopper out there.

(How tacky is it to receive money as Christmas present, though, right? Where's the festivity? Okay, I need to talk to Dad about this.)

So anyway. The sorts of things that my mom used to tell my sisters and I were along the lines of:

"You shouldn't sit on a pillow because then you'll get a gigantic boil on your butt."

"You shouldn't peek because then you'll get a pimple on your eyes!"

"Don't ever take a bath at night because then your back will hurt. Skeleton will be all fucked up."

Those were the few things I remember the most. Words of wisdom? Not at all! They're all so ridiculous that I found it hard to believe that at one point of time, I used to hold these dear to heart.

As a kid, I'm so scared of getting a pimple on my eyes or boils on my butt!!

But, even though I don't believe it, I still wouldn't do any of those things now, because, uhm, I don't really know why. I just wouldn't. Like I said, maybe it's grown to be a habit.

And my mom was just trying to find a way to teach her kids not to peek (because it's rude and wrong?!), and it's much easier to make us remember when we're inserted with fear! No matter how naughty we may be, we still don't wanna have bones-problem, do we? (After all, I wanted to attract that boy from next class.)

One question though, how did she learn all of these? And should I teach my kids the same thing? Maybe. That certainly is better than the possibility of having a perverted little kid who likes peeking at the girls' changing room. OMG.

sissy?

I cried twice while watching Astroboy.

What, you think it's just another material for my next comedy routine? Cried during Astroboy?! Ha-ha, now that's funny. Astroboy, as in that cartoon, you asked? Well yeah, the one and only. Except that we call it animation now, instead of cartoon. It's more sophisticated that way.

But honestly, though. The movie was even better than my expectation, and I knew it was gonna be cute and all, but it being sad was definitely unexpected. Especially with that poster?! Did you see the poster?! It's not the kind of poster people would call, tear-jerking!

You can't argue that Astro is damn cute, though! But you should definitely check it out 'cos it's really good. Now we can just forget that I cried. That I'm a lame sissy. Not that you can forget that!

Anyway, since Sis bought a new impressive Canon camera, we've been experimenting and taking many fun pictures. Last weekend we brought along the portrait lens and snapped away these random shots..(or maybe not so random.)

I love the blurriness of the background.

Creating a scene in the train.

You are my baby love.

How's your weekend, guys? I went to the beach on Sunday, but that's for another entry. In the mean time, go check out Astroboy aka the tear-jerker!

love//hate

" I hate the way you talk to me
and the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car.
I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots
and the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick.
It even makes me rhyme.
I hate it-
I hate the way you’re always right.
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh,
even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it when you’re not around
and the fact that you didn’t call.
But mostly, I hate the way
I don’t hate you, not even close,
not even a little bit,
not even at all. "

you and i..let's work this out.

So a friend of mine once used my blog as an example to his friend to prove a point that, well, we can have fun too while writing a journal, that not everything has to be taken so seriously, and that blogs can be filled with random, silly, humorous topics too.

Of course, he didn't use the word 'useless', 'rubbish', or 'meaningless' there, although I think he was just being nice. But hey, I appreciate that.

The thing is, yeah, I guess I started this blog years ago, thinking that I could just dramatize my life. Mostly in a non-serious way. I was a major drama-queen, if nothing else. But lately it seems that I wrote a lot about my struggles and emotions, and they are not always cheery.

[When I said 'not cheery', I meant 'boooooooring'.]

But I don't like how that turns out. I certainly miss rambling on and on about the most insignificant things in my life. Yeah, we need to bimbotize this blog again.

Did I really just say that out loud? Hm. I'm off to a good start.

convince me.

I think everyone knows I'm not known for my patience. It's really not my best virtue.

You once said, "Remember, kiddo. Good things come to those who wait."

I tried to believe that. How could I not, when you said it so convincingly, full of certainty, like you've never doubted anything in your life.

But, don't you know? I've been waiting here for so long.

"I know you'll be fine. You know why, because you persevere. You don't give up."

Yeah, now I start to wonder if I've reached my limit. How are you supposed to know that enough is enough?

If that's true what you said, don't you think I should be able to see all the good things coming my way? Because, I don't know how much longer I can wait.

far too old to care

What about taking this empty cup and filling it up
With a little bit more of innocence
I haven't had enough, it's probably because when you're young
It's okay to be easily ignored.

Quotes of the Day

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same.

I feel like crap.

Literally, though.

I mean, yeah, I've been having a really bad flu and cough since last week, but it's just flu, isn't it? I wasted a ridiculous amount of tissues everyday, but otherwise I've been feeling okay, as okay as someone with a flu, that is.

Damn, last night, though, I couldn't sleep. My whole body was shivering even though my air-con was set-up to 26 degrees. I tossed and turned and I was in a curling-up position throughout the night, I had to double my pajamas with a long pants and another baggy shirt to keep me warm, and I was still feeling cold despite being covered by blanket.

This morning as I finally woke up, my head was banging and I felt so weak. I stayed in bed until noon, realized that I had to get up sooner or later. I had to eat something if I wanted to take Panadol, which I did. There was some leftover of mashed potato from last night so I just heated that up and finished it without appetite. Gulping down the Panadol with a glass of Redoxon, I snuggled back to bed, feeling lifeless as ever.

I hate being sick.

ps. I just took another Panadol without eating anything else, I mean, whatever. There's no food in the house anyway. Yeah, leave it to me to buy a banana-chocolate jam the other day and not get bread.

Things I'll never say.

Even with my state of always not being able to stick around for too long, I remember each person's quirks, and the memories I shared with them is dearly precious to me. It may sound slightly hypocritical, but I can really relate to what Celine said in the movie Before Sunset.

"I mean, I always feel like a freak because I'm never able to move on like...this. You know. People just have an affair, or even..entire relationship. They break up and they forget! They move on like they would have changed a brand of cereals! I feel I was never able to forget anyone I've been with.

I think it's the same with people. I see in them little details, so specific to each other, that move me, and that I miss, and..will always miss."

It's true. To me, for every failed relationships, even when my feelings were no longer there anyway, it didn't mean that I wasn't sad when they ended. I still needed time to miss the other person. I'm baffled at how sometimes it takes just a heartbeat for the other person to just, forget everything.

Early this year I was seeing someone, and even though yes, we both knew it wasn't gonna go anywhere, and that we shouldn't have had any expectations at all, because the end was inevitable, but still. Maybe I was simply being a girl for hoping. After all, we had so much fun together. I kept thinking to myself though, who am I kidding? Don't be stupid, you're supposed to be an adult about this.

It turned out exactly like what we've seen coming all along. He had to leave, and it sucks. I think he was the closest to a real, day-to-day boyfriend I've ever had. At least it was drama-free while it lasted. No long-distance thing, no phone-bill-explosions; just really good, silly times together of meeting each other's friends, watching too many movies, eating in and out, and writing each other dorky text messages everyday.

I mean, I knew it wasn't anything serious, I wouldn't dramatize the situation by saying that I fell for him, or that I was completely crushed that he left, because I didn't, and I wasn't. It sucks, yes. I really missed him at first, it's like I've lost a really good friend. He's been there for many months and suddenly I couldn't just ask him to come out for a movie night, or for a late-night prata supper.

But I kept my emotions in check, and I thought at least we could still be friends even after he left. Sure it would be different, but it's alright, we could still occasionally write emails or catch up, couldn't we? Well, I was wrong. The exchanging of emails probably only happened for the first two weeks after he left, and then it stopped.

Frankly speaking, I haven't talked to the guy for months now. It's like, we suddenly became complete strangers. I wasn't expecting anything, true, but I couldn't help but thinking, I mean, is it that easy for him to forget me? Sorry if I may sound a little self-centered, I don't mean it like that. But okay, I certainly missed him as a friend, if nothing else. Didn't he miss me at all?

Like I said. It really baffles me. "People break up and they forget!" How?

In some scenarios, yeah, sure, you can argue, that on bad breakups, people are supposed to stay clear from each other, because it's harder to be close and it would just remind them of the bad, awful memories. Yeah, I've had that too. My ex and I weren't talking to each other for a good solid 3.5 years before we started being friends again, and now we're fine. Sure, we needed time to get over it, to move on from any bad feelings, and say, well, yeah, I'm ready to be friends with him/her again. It doesn't hurt anymore.

Either way, we still need time, don't we? How could some people move on and forget everything just like that?

Maybe he didn't forget, but he just didn't see the point in continuing to keep in touch when we probably wouldn't ever see each other again. Perhaps. I mean, it's just one example. Generally, I'm like that, though, I can never really forget someone. Hmm, maybe that's why I have a habit of keeping people's text messages in my phone.

I guess it's something I can never ask.

life's a beach.

. . . there is nothing more enticing, disenchanting, and enslaving than the life at sea.

What I dream of at night...

I'm so in love with skyline pictures. I can look at these for hours. There's just something so beautiful about seeing the tall buildings and skyscrapers with the open sky as the background.

New York.

Vegas.

Oakland Bay Bridge, San Francisco.

San Francisco.

San Diego.

I'm such a dreamer. ♥ ♥

Fat. And a plan.

I probably don't need to remind you of how fat I've become these past few months. I'm not saying I'm fat, like in fat fat, but the fact is, I am getting fatter. I have people around me who constantly tell me that I look fine, that a little curves here and there wouldn't hurt, and true, I don't want to become one of those girls who look like sticks, like their arms are gonna break within the slightest touch or a blow of wind.

No, I don't wish to be skinny, but I do want to lose a few pounds because I have been gaining weight recently, and I notice the difference in the size of my arms and thigh, particularly. Yes, every now and then, an old friend who hasn't seen me in a few years would comment, "hey, you look chubbier now.." but that's not the reason why I want to lose weight. (because there's nothing left of my ego to lose. Kidding!)

Oh, but you know what. Maybe I should show you with a picture. Now, kids, look away now, and guys, in case you're eating when you see this, I recommend you to finish your meal first. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Seriously, now. Now I really have no ego left.

And that picture is probably suitable for a fattening pill commercial. Although, I don't think there is such thing. The first picture was taken three years ago, and I have to say, that was the shortest shorts I have ever worn. It's so short, it looks as if I barely had any pants on.

I still have that shorts, but now the police probably would have to shoot me first before I get to wear that out again. I can't imagine how many people I might traumatize and corrupt with that sight.

The "after fattening pill" picture was just taken last Sunday on my outing to the beach. Yes, similar occasion, same beach even. But look at my arms and thigh! That shorts wasn't even nowhere as short as the first one, yet my thigh looked like it was ready to jump around everywhere. I could barely contain it in place. Same case with my arms, which is probably twice the size of the original form.

Does that look healthy to you?! Curves in your hips, yeah, that's awesome, but not in your arms and thigh, I don't think so!

So I started to pick up running these days, and you would know how uncharacteristic of me to wanna run since I hate sweating and I hate sports even more. But I surprise myself by actually enjoying it. Well, at least as far as doing sports goes. I would still rather choose lazing around in my couch than going running, are you kidding? But I mean, it's good to be a little more active too, and I found the perfect track and place to run which is not far from my apartment.

Interesting thing about it, yeah, I get to run and stay healthy and hopefully shred a few pounds in the process, but there's something else that comes with the territory everytime I go running at my favorite place: people-watching.

I normally run in the evening around 6, and I started noticing the same people who always run at that time too, and it's like, there's this unspoken acknowledgment among us. And the people are always very interesting and diverse. There's this indian girl who looks like she's about to train for marathon or something judging by the intensity of her work-out, a chinese uncle who sweats like no other, I can almost see the sweat dripping like a faucet, two teenage boys who always run side-by-side and never missing a beat like siamese twins, an old couple who stroll in the track so slowly like the entire place is theirs. And then there's me. A girl who looks like she's about to pass out anytime.

One time during last week when I was running, I passed this chinese man in bicycle and he shouted, "Jia you!" at me, which means "good luck" in english. Not that I don't appreciate his encouragement or anything, but I wonder, I must have looked beyond stupid for him to say that. I was panting and running in such a pathetic pace.

But hey, at least he didn't call me a fatty.

But all jokes aside, I really am serious about staying healthy and all that. I still eat like normal, but I just make a point of not consuming too much of anything. I hardly drink soft drinks anymore, and when I used to drink green tea everyday at home, now I make a point to have plain water instead. And I eat apple everyday, try to have more vegetables and salad too, and hopefully I can keep up with running and actually feel better about myself.

June 27, 2008

Just keepin' it short.

For a while, whenever I feel like seeing movies and nobody seems to be available, I just refuse to see it alone. Probably because I've always found those lonely people, sitting by themselves in the dark cinema, a little bit sad. Don't they have friends? Are they anti-social? Are they smelly? BO issues? Why would anyone wanna go to the movies alone?

I've completely forgotten the whole point of going to the cinema, which is supposedly to watch a movie, alone or not.

But I've never quite grasped the concept, because to me, I'm bound to make comments ('gosh he is hot!', 'that guy looks familiar, does he play in this and that movie?' typically), to wanna see my companion laugh at the same jokes, whatever, but when you're alone, you have no one to talk to. Like I said, it seems sad.

But sis has done it numerous times and even babe urged me to try it sometimes. I believe she even used the word 'theurapheutical' and 'nice'. And both of them aren't sad people. Who knows? Perhaps they're right, perhaps watching a movie alone has a charm to it. A charm that only a few people who are willing to say 'one ticket, please' know about. Hey, have I been missing out?

So yesterday I decided to have a go at it. I have been spending the afternoon in the library for the preparation of my exam tomorrow. (Yes, I spent 10 mins staring into my notes, and the rest of the 3 hours reading a novel instead.) At about 4 I was feeling a bit depressed at the complete silence of the room so I went out to the entertainment centre. I decided I would see a movie alone. Contemplating between Get Smart and Incredible Hulk, I thought the first one would be more entertaining and less depressing, especially to be miserably seen alone.

Even as I queued up in the ticketing counter, I was skeptical, but before I knew it, I have paid and she has handed me the ticket. Oh well. And then the question on popcorn came up. Eating the popcorn by myself? Okay, so I could have had all the salty ones (I can't believe most of my friends prefer sweet! Is this some sort of conspiracy?!) but contrary of my usual watching ritual, I excluded the popcorn and just headed in to face the music.

2 hours later I came out, and the movie wasn't bad, the cinemas was neither that empty nor full, but well, I came to this resolution.

I don't like watching movie ALONE!!!!!

And that's in capital letters just to mark my point!

Barely at the start of the movie when Masi Oka appeared and people were gasping 'Hiro!' I wanted to roll my eyes so badly and if I have had my sister beside me, I would have mocked them endlessly, and I wouldn't have laughed by myself too in some of the scenes, and the part when Steve Carrell was pinned down in the plane, I would have made a remark that the scene reminded me of Harold and Kumar,..and okay, fine, so I'm a selfish talker who speaks during movie!

And after the movie ended, I would have asked my companion to rate it, but the only object I could ask was my handbag. And she wasn't that talkative. So I concluded that I'm not the 'going to cinema' alone type. I'm saying 'going to cinema' because I have watched movie alone at home before and it wasn't as bad. So perhaps the secret lies in the cinema.

What the hell?! Why am I debating over this?

But yeah, there it is, the resolution of the day. Can anyone relate or is watching movie in the cinema for you can be 'theurapheutical' too sometimes?

weekend, humpday

How was your weekend, guys?

I certainly had the most wonderful time for many reasons. Over the moon for a few days last weekend. I'm gonna let you guess.

By the way, just something completely random, I just learned that 'humpday' literally means mid-week which is Wednesday. You know how there's this upcoming movie with that title? I've always thought it meant something rather kinky. You know, like one of those rather-vulgar film like Superbad or something. The poster certainly screams that. But my friend said in the straightest expression ever, "Yeah, that means Wednesday..." It took me a few seconds to process. Okay, so I learned a new word, I love that fact alone. But now I feel like a total dummy because he made it sound like everyone in the entire world knew about it but me.

Do you guys really always know humpday literally means the day in the middle of the week?! If so, why haven't I heard about that before? Okay, it's bugging me although it's not even that much of a big deal. Well...

November's Bucket List

1. Get a job
2. See 'Astro Boy'
3. Get a job
4. Run at least twice a week
5. Get a job
6. See 'Capitalism: A Love Story'
7. Arrange time to meet up with Bonnie, it's been way too long
8. Get a job
9. Take a morning walk through Southern Ridge Park
10. See '2012' for one reason only: John Cusack
11. Get a job
12. Check out Wavehouse at Sentosa
13. Think of something special for Todd's birthday
14. Get a job
15. See 'The Informant'
16. Write at least 10 more blog posts
17. Get a job
18. Oh, have I mentioned, get a job??