Welcome!: december

Showing posts with label december. Show all posts

Tuesday, 8 December 2009

Hello December

I can't believe December is here already! This is my favorite time of year, so I wish I can scratch it for as long as I can, because the image of starting a new year without much of an accomplishment is..bleh. Not good at all. (And rather discouraging.)

The fact that I'll be turning a year older isn't much help either. No! I don't want to be older just yet! Maybe I should stick to 22. 22 is a good number, isn't it?

Yeah, definitely. I'm sticking.

Anyway, sorry I haven't been writing much at all. I just got back to Singapore two nights ago and I've been meaning to write, it's just my creative juice isn't flowing yet. So...let's give it a little more time. I have to say though, that Jakarta was fun! There's no place like home, and I truly just feel loved, welcomed, and spoiled every time I go back. My family is just amazing, I won't trade them for anything.

And I got to meet my best girlfriends too over the weekend, and we had a blast. So yeah finally I got to go to the new Grand Indonesia (yeah, I'm a disgrace to my country!) and we spent time catching up and having a laugh over lunch, movie, dinner and drinks.

I really love these girls =)

So maybe I should start off with my birthday wishlist!

Until then, guys!

Monday, 1 December 2008

December

This is our favourite time of year
We love counting the days 'til Christmas is here!
Wrapping gifts is so much fun
We can't wait to sing out with everyone!

It's December, yo'all! And yes, we better mark our calendar 'cos what could be more fun than ticking the days away to build up the anticipation until Christmas?

My Christmas tradition isn't grand, it isn't even that posh. At home, we would bring out the christmas tree, put up all the ornaments with our own bare hands and our slightly mediocre decorating skill, then carefully adjust the fake snow, and last, circle the lighting bulb all around the tree.

Oh, no, that isn't the last part. The last and best part is to connect the lighting to the powerpoint, press 'on' and then tada! Christmas songs are played and the lights shine and change color according to the beat of the song. From afar, it looks cool as hell, like a 'dancing tree'. Of course, there are only a few selections of the songs, so eventually it ends up repeating the same song over and over again. After about an hour, and the novelty factor has dried up, it can be quite annoying and painful to the ear. And it's not like the 'rudolf the red nose reindeer' or the 'silent night', among many, are played with piano or soft-to-the-ear instruments, instead I think it's by trumpet or something.

We would prefer to sing, to be honest. We have a rather grand organ in our living room back home, so at night the three of us would sit by it, I'm normally the one who plays it although I don't have too good of a multitasking skill [dammit, I want to sing too!] We sing christmas songs and swing our bodies, at times Mom and Dad would also sit in the living room and just listen to our singing. Although most of the times, our only audience is mosquitoes. We don't mind that, because we're self-aware that we are no Mariah Carey.

After we're done with our singing [mostly because we were already sweating at this point - it can be really hot and humid at night in Jakarta], we would then proceed to Mom and Dad's room where it certainly would have been air-conditioned. It never occured to us that maybe our parents needed a bit of privacy after almost wrecking their ears.

We then, between laughters, would put on Disney christmas edition's sing-along-song VCD and again, sing. Knowing there's no escape, our parents would just ignore that we're there, Mom busily cutting fruits, and Dad...well..who knows what's he doing exactly. Sometimes they would look at us, a hopeless look on their faces as if saying, "are they really ours?" and then let out a big loud sigh. At that time we thought they were sighing in admiration, and we thought that desperation was really pride.

It is a low-key tradition, but it's always the same, year after year, and there's a deep comfort in it. And at this time especially, I feel grateful of my family, because who else would keep up with our singing, and who else would share my enthusiasm of being silly in decorating christmas tree and singing our hearts out to Disney VCD?

We're not big on exchanging gifts either. In fact, the only recollection I have regarding christmas present is that one time when Dad hid 'Home Alone' VCD under my pillow. Being a kid, and every kid is guiltily bound to be a fan of Macauley Culkin at some point in his/her life, I was pretty darn happy, and it never crossed my mind that Dad's merely being a cheapskate.

But Dad's never good in the gift department, and that's how he is, someone we've come to love. And Mom? Because my birthday is so near christmas, she would normally just give me a birthday present. Signed by both her and Dad, although I'm sure he had nothing to do with it. I mean, Home Alone VCD? It's so Dad. But beautiful necklace? Um, so not him.

What goes along with Christmas time during my younger years back home is giving away christmas cards to friends at school. This is such a tradition, that come December, people already start stocking and buying christmas cards in dozens. Some just fill them in with their friends' names, and some more creative ones would literally, write an essay for every card, specially customized for the recipients. I'm more to the latter, because I'm a geek that way.

I still keep those christmas cards from my friends because they are priceless, really. I guess I'm sentimentil that way, I keep most of the things I've gotten during my school years, let they be presents, letters, cards, photos, invitations and whatever else.

I was content with what we had. Christmas tradition means a lot to me, but I've been away for a few Christmasses now, and I'll be away again this year. The tree and the singing will have to wait, but come Christmas day, I will imagine myself home, doing exactly this with the people I love; there will not be a single thing forgotten.

When sadness was the sea, you were the one that taught me to swim.

Everything's complicated, even those things that seem flat in their bleakness or sadness.

You can never replace anyone because everyone is made up of such beautiful specific details.

I think when you get to the point where you don't need to be in love, then you could be in love. You have to just be OK with yourself-and that's a long process.

Words and hearts should be handled with care.. for words when spoken and hearts when broken are the hardest thing to repair.

It seems to me now that the plain state of being human is dramatic enough for anyone; you don't need to be a heroin addict or a performance poet to experience extremity. You just have to love someone.

It's just that I don't want to be somebody's crush. If somebody likes me, I want them to like the real me, not what they think I am. And I don't want them to carry it around inside. I want them to show me, so I can feel it too.

The best and most beautiful things in life cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.

Quotes

There's a hundred million different ways of writing, and it takes you a long time to sort through that stuff. And I think it takes anyone a long time to find a voice.

You must learn to take the good with the bad, the happy with the sad, love what you’ve got and remember what you had. Learn to forgive, but never forget, learn from your mistakes but never regret. People change and things go wrong, but you just have to remember that life goes on.

The day before I’m supposed to be meeting Caroline for a drink, I develop all the textbook symptoms of a crush: nervous stomach, long periods spent daydreaming, an inability to remember what she looks like. I can bring back the dress and the boots, and I can see her bangs, but her face is a blank.

I don't know, I think that if I could just accept the fact that my life is supposed to be difficult. You know, that's what to be expected, then I might not get so pissed-off about it and I'll just be glad when something nice happens.

I can see now I never really committed to Laura. I always had one foot out the door, and that prevented me from doing a lot of things, like thinking about my future and... I guess it made more sense to commit to nothing, keep my options open. And that's suicide. By tiny, tiny increments.

There's a big fucking world out there. It's messy, and it's chaotic, and it's never, never ever the thing you'd expect. It is ok to be scared, but you cannot allow your fears to turn you into an asshole, not when it comes to the people that love you, the people that need you.

Maybe what I'm saying is, is the world might be evolving the way a person evolves. Right? Like, I mean, me for example. Am I getting worse? Am I improving? I don't know. When I was younger, I was healthier, but I was, uh, whacked with insecurity, you know? Now I'm older and my problems are deeper, but I'm more equipped to handle them.

I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who's ever lived: I've loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough.

Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.

A woman needs to be held, even, and science has shown this, if its with someone she doesn't care about. Protective hormones are released, and the amount of hormones released depends on the degree to which she is held. The first and best is the complete surround. He wraps you in both arms, whispers how beautiful you are. Second best is the 'arm around.' He is next to you but with one arm around you. Third is he's just next to you on his elbow, but he rests his hand on your stomach and looks at you. Fourth is you snuggling up to him with your head on his chest, while he looks away into space. But when the first best happens, you feel completely, wonderfully like a woman.

So, so what, so fuck off, go home, leave you alone? I'll tell you something Paul, there isn't anything that I've wanted for eighteen years, cause I was a kid eighteen years ago. And if I did still want the same things I'd think I'd gone wrong somewhere, because actually I don't want to marry David Cassidy, I don't want bigger tits, I don't want to do better on my marks. I've stopped worrying about that kind of thing and maybe you should try.

Well maybe there's a big bit of you that's gone missing somewhere, maybe everyone should want something they've always wanted.

Why is it that adults aren't supposed to go mad about anything? You gotta keep a lid on it. And if you don't then people are apparently entitled to say what they like. "You haven't grown up. You're a moron. Your conversation is trivial and boorish. You can't express your emotional needs. You can't relate to your children." And you die, lonely and miserable. But you know, what the hell, every cloud has a silver lining.

I just woke up one morning and didn't feel the same way. Where did it go? It was like there had been a lot of food on a plate in front of us, and we ate it all really quickly, and then there was nothing left. Maybe that's how couples stay together: they're not greedy. They know that what they have in front of them has to last a long time, so they kind of pick at it. I hope it's not like that, though. I hope that when people are happy together, it feels as though someone keeps piling seconds and thirds on their plates.

That is what I have learned: Sex is destructive. Love is nothing to be fooled with. I learned that I was dangerous, not to be trusted. I wondered if my parents were right, with all of their stiff lovelessness. Maybe they knew better. My parents don't dole out love for the deserving or the undeserving. I was learning that love could cost me.

You could say all you liked about reason and logic and common sense and imagination, but when the chips were down, the one skill you needed was the ability to think about absolutely nothing whatsoever.

There is a comfort in never making an effort, but it's a lonely comfort. What keeps you going is the knowledge that you're only playing with only four cards showing. But when you see other people succeeding with their mediocre hands, you have to make a decision. If you turn over that final card you're certain of victory, but it also means you have nothing in reserve.

I’d gone through life believing in the strength and competence of others; never in my own. Now, dazzled, I discovered that my capacities were real. It was like finding a fortune in the lining of an old coat.

Maybe we all live life at too high a pitch, those of us who absorb emotional things all day, and as mere consequence we can never feel merely content: we have to be unhappy, or ecstatically, head-over-heels happy, and those states are difficult to achieve within a stable, solid relationship.