Spotlight!

Have you ever been in a situation when you were put in a spotlight to tell a story you don't want to tell, because oh, well, it's either a)embarrassing, or b)not funny? So, there you are, having dinner, let's say, with a big group of friends, and then one of your friend says, "hey, tell them about this or that..", and you really don't wanna go into it, but everyone's watching you now and expecting an answer and you're put on the spot when you don't know what to say!

It's so awkward! It happened to me a while back, we were having drinks together with new people. New people, that's even worse! Hot new people, the worst! Well, thanks a lot, now I can snatch the record of ruining a good image of myself in under 5 minutes! Neutral, if not good, since we supposedly have just been introduced.

Anyway, I was sipping my drink innocently, so gullible and oblivious of what was gonna happen next. Suddenly, my friend said, "Tin, tell them about how you two met.." and everyone's eyes were on me. I wanted to curl up under a blanket and never come out, or dissapear off the face of the earth! I think at that time, I was muttering, "eh..." or I might have even attempted a slight change-of-subject-manuever (I was told I'm pretty good at it), but obviously I sucked. If I did try to change the subject, my friend must have persisted, "tell them!" until I had no choice. (Of course by being busted trying to change the topic got everyone to think there's a really juicy story, and now they wouldn't drop the matter!) By the time I finished the story, I think everyone kinda fell into a deafening silence, and the conversation gradually continued on a totally different topic. I was like, what the fuck, I totally didn't need to say anything back there! It was so unoriginal that it wasn't even worth a comment or a follow-up!

One thing about me is that, I don't like being put on the spot! I mean, I like attention and all, but nothing gets me more anxious than being surprised, or put under the spotlight unexpectedly! Part of why I don't like changes is because I'm an insane planner and I like to know what I'm dealing with in advance. So I guess that makes sense. Don't do that, please!

Similar thing happened just recently. We were having dinner too with new people! Why oh why! Well, and then one of my older friend suddenly said, "Tin, what happened to your then-boyfriend? Why did you two break up?"

Everyone was staring at me. Like, dammit, I don't want to discuss about my breakup during dinner in front of a new friend, lah! At one point even this new person said to me, "Tell me! I'm curious now..."

"Ah, nothing..." I think I could only say that weakly after a few seconds (which felt like eternity) of awkward silence. Suddenly my food looked very interesting that I could only manage to look down at it.

So embarrassing!!!!

the bay

Sent from his iPhone.

The amazing view of The Bay, taken from his office. Feels like I'm back there.

Amusing States Mottos

[caud] and I have talked about all imaginable topics we can think of. We rant and slur our ways into total insanity. We yell things like 'fuck normality!', 'random disposition!' and 'cave of oblivion!' without making any sense.

On an ordinary afternoon many months ago, our conversation suddenly got to the topic of states' motto. It was hilarious, and I'm sorry for being a dork, but I've simply never had any inkling ideas about states motto until that time. We started googling each US states' motto and I was in complete stitches!

Anyway, I remember this out of a sudden after seeing my friend's album on facebook, she was also travelling around the States after our residency in Oklahoma last December, and there was one picture when she took picture of a license plate during her trip. This has got to be the most bad-ass license plate ever!

New Hampshire - LIVE FREE OR DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh man, that is the funniest thing ever! It sounds almost like a threat! Gangsta-city! So bad-ass! I would love to have that plastered in my room!

Because I was going to Oklahoma in a few months' time, I was curious to know their state motto.

Oklahoma - LABOR CONQUERS ALL THINGS!!!!!!!!!!

Hahahahahaha! What the!! Farm-social-workers-city! That is such an unglam motto! It screams prairie and horses all over! Which, I guess, it rather accurate...

Massachusetts - BY THE SWORD WE SEEK PEACE, BUT PEACE ONLY UNDER LIBERTY!!!

Woah, not bad! It even has the word 'sword' in it! The image of knights in steel armor suddenly came to mind.

California - I HAVE FOUND IT!!!

Idaho - IT IS FOREVER!!!

So inspirational! Quite bad-ass too, isn't it? Nothing beats this one, though. Check it out...

Rhode Island - HOPE!!!

Now that's what I'm talking about! HOPE!

West Virginia - MOUNTAINEERS ARE ALWAYS FREE

Eh, okay, hear hear. Hahahaha.

Geez, I'm really having too much fun here. I just kinda wanna share this random-probably-worthless information. What? It's hilarious! *dork alert*

I still have loads of studying to do, so until next time, LIVE FREE OR DIE!!!!!!!

character

He's her seasonal listening ear, her occassional supper friend, and she's perfectly happy with the arrangement. She likes it that way; that she doesn't need to see him on regular basis, that both of them know they will be there for each other whenever any needs arise, that there is never any pressure in their friendship.

That night they were out on their usual spontaneous feast because he was craving stingray fish and char kwetiau. He brought along another friend she doesn't particularly like. His friend was snobbish, how he could be friends with him remains a mystery to her.

They talked normally in the car, but when they were walking to the eating place he was suddenly beside her, his arms reaching for her shoulder. Spontaneously she drifted away, not because she was upset, but more so appalled of the sudden gesture. It was her fight-or-flee reaction. His expression didn't change, so she tried to ignore it.

After the food came, they started eating. He ordered her favorite food, although he himself didn't like it. She's frustrated because she would end up eating the whole thing alone. Well, at least now his friend could be useful in a way.

But then he carefully took the fish for her, opened the cockles from the shells and dipped them in sauce before laying them down on her plate. She stared in disbelief, what has gotten into him? Why was he being so nice and....manly? She simply has never seen him in that light before.

It's like his friend's presence changed something, although she had no idea what, or why.

Suddenly once again, she wanted to just flee. She wanted to scold him for being so uncharacteristically him, she wanted to wipe his friend's teasing-look off his face. But more than anything, at that precise moment, she wanted her normal friend back.

Random Likes

I like.....

The sound of soda drink as it's being opened.
The salty, particular smell of the rain I can never quite describe.
The smell of onion and garlic in the frying pan.
The few seconds before meals.
The rule of diminishing pleasure.
My bolster.
Black-rimmed glasses.
Glass tables.
Learning new words that not many people know.
The feeling of touching new, fresh books.
The sound of my yahoo alert everytime a new e-mail comes in.
Writing long, descriptive, rambling mails.
Mixed baby boys.
The colour turqoise.
Creativity.
Salty popcorn, although not many agree.
Accents.
Silver-tipped microphone, there's something really appealing about it.
Checking-in at the airport.
Seeing hot girls got rejected.
The sound of an old keyboard, instead of the modern one which doesn't make any sound at all.
Soy milk with pearls.
When two people talk at the same time.
Roleplay in text messages.
Mocking at how dramatic television shows can be.
Being fascinated at one's real accent is as opposed to the accent he/she uses in a movie.
Those witty messages in bumper stickers.
Lifting one of my legs as I'm brushing my teeth.
Men in suits.
Take-away coffee cup.
Listening to a song in repeat, over and over again. That's what I do when I really like a song.
Introducing my favorite movies to people and converting them into liking them too.
Lyrics; it's as important as the melodies.
Reality shows, because I like seeing emotions and reactions of real people.
English language.
Movie quotes.
The few seconds before you drift off to sleep.
The feeling of going out from the office every evening, knowing it was a well-spent day.
Observing license plates from different places I'm in.
Surprising people, yet I hate surprises.
Watching award shows.
Armani code perfume.
Cold weather.
Listening people talk about numbers.
Sunset.
Watching trailers before movie starts in the cinema.
Flip phones.
When I was little and we used to drive up to stay at mountain resort every weekend.
The font Trebuchet MS.
Unknown actors.
Cooking instant noodles with egg with little water, so the noodles is very thick in texture.
The time when I used to not worry about anything.
The sound of telephone being put down.
CTU ringtone in 24.
Curse words.
The name Nathan.
Talking to myself in my head.
Making lists.
Grocery shopping in t-shirt and shorts.
Analyzing people's names.
Random blog entry just like this.

Personality test, just because I'm bored. You know this is BS, yet it's always interesting to try anyway.

Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education:
Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Just my luck!

Wanna know what I concluded yesterday? Well, my conclusion sucks, but it's true; I have shit for luck. I think I have been yammering about this before, I just think that there's something wrong with my allignment in the stars when I was born or something, but I just might be one of the unluckiest person I know.

If you believe that everything happens for a reason, then I've no idea what it's telling me. The near-misses, the bad coincidences, frankly I can't think of a reason how it would benefit me eventually, how these could mean something. I'm a believer that things sometimes just happen in random, it sounds sad, but it means that we should just be grateful when good things happen because you'll never know. Isn't that realistic?

Yeah, and I've always thought I'm the optimist one in the family. What a bunch of depressed people. Nah, I'm kidding, it's just me. If anything, I'm the weird one.

So, I have been struggling with this whole job hunting process, and the response I got has so far been pathetically pathetic. I don't know what else to call it. But I got one job offer which might be cool and exciting, but the pay isn't good. It's peanut, practically. I can safely say, though, that it was the only option I got. I met with the boss, he was great, everything seemed great, and I was given a week to think about it and give my answer, 'cos once you commit, you gotta commit, you know? Which is all everyone can ask for, really. I don't like people backing out on their words either, and I've got my fair share of that when I was coordinating an event and the client kept making last-minute changes and it drove me nuts. Like, nuts.

So I waited and pondered. Couldn't exactly make a pros-and-cons list, because yes, rub it in my face again that it was simply the only lead I got. Yeah yeah. Within the week though, I kept applying and sending my resumes everywhere, well, I wanted to make sure I made the right choice. But nothing came up, and it boiled down to the deadline when I was supposed to give my answer, which was yesterday. I still waited 'til afternoon even, but my phone remained dead. I shook it, turned it off and on again, but the only text I've got was from a friend saying "Tin..." What the hell? My friends are weird.

I guess that was it, then. I probably would have to eat grass and be a monk for the next six months 'cos I would be broke and all, but well, I would manage. And I sent an email saying yes, I would be happy working for him. Case closed, right? Well, of course something must have happened, because things couldn't just work that smoothly.

Only half an hour after, I got a call from an event company, setting me up for an interview next week. That was the kind of lead I have been waiting for all week! And it had to come, half a freaking four after I commited to something else?! What is wrong with the world?!

Okay, a little dramatic there, but shit, the whole timing just bummed me out. I know, it's just an interview, probably little chance of me actually nailing it, but still, now I feel like it wouldn't matter anymore. It would be such a dick move to back out on my words now, but at the same time, I wanna take the chance and just see what's gonna happen. I'm supposed to look out for my best interest, right? Then again, I could just be thinking too much right now, why worry about it now? I'll cross the bridge when the time comes. Dammit, I hate being a thinker.

Another shitty luck so you get my gist. I rented a DVD to watch with my friend, but of course something went wrong. His Mac somehow couldn't play the damn thing, not that I'm surprised. I was looking forward to seeing this movie! Besides, who would have anticipated that?! I should write Murphy's Law right on my forehead!

Anyway, just feel like rambling here. Didn't mean to be such a downer about everything, ha! My mood is starting to lift up again now, seeing Before Sunset for the umpteenth times.....

Girls

I miss these people!!!

We used to be the foursome, the potluck girls, the Carrie-Samantha-Miranda-Charlotte-wannabe, the football fans, the inseparable party buddies! Now we just have our own friends and things going on. I mean, that's life, and everything can't stay the same, I guess. But they are still the best!

Remembering the time when Elsa and I used to dye each other's hair!

We just finished our home-experiment here and brought back dinner from KFC to eat at my place! Elsa's hair was still curly then! This must have been, what, probably two years back?

I could make a very long blog entry seeing all these old pictures, but maybe I'll save them for next time! Supposedly meeting babe tonight, I'm excited to catch up! :)

Anyway! It's a happy day today! Todd got a really great news and for some reason, I'm super excited for it! On another note, after much-thought contemplation, I think I'm gonna take this job. Will update more as soon as everything's confirmed.

Pizza! I'm coming! *so random there*

just what i thought while walking back last night.

I wonder why some gestures from men could leave you feeling, degraded. I'm sure it doesn't apply the other way around, so it must be either, women are sensitive creatures, or rather, I am too sensitive, or, well, that's the only thing I can think of.

If you were from Jakarta, or probably from Indonesia, for that matter, you would know what I'm talking about. People in the street whistle after you, call you, wave at you; it's not all that uncommon, but it always irritates me to no end. And that's why I never had any interest taking public transportation back home, and not that I'm allowed to anyway, but well, I'm happy not to, if you know what I mean. I wonder if those guys call after everybody with breast, or just the chinese. Either way, I always feel used when it happens.

It doesn't happen that often here in Singapore, but it still does sometimes. A hawker place near my apartment is a case in point. I buy food there when I'm home just because that's the nearest, but the fact that there are some sleazy guys who always call after me can be enough reason to just stay home and cook instant noodles, or starve myself. I purposely would avoid this particular chinese food stall when I'm alone. I know that's pathetic, but ugh, I just can't stand these people.

If you go to Johor, that would be the first thing you notice once you get out on the street. I mean, are they really just bored? Why can't they count their buttons or something?

Last night after having supper at Fong Seng with friends, I barely made it to the last bus. It wasn't the bus to my house, but it was the closest that I could get, so I alighted at the most familiar area I knew, and walked quite a distance to my place. It was dark and it must have been at least 30 minutes after midnight, but the walk did me good. Nearing my condo, though, there were some security guards from the opposite buildings and they waved. Somehow this really bugs me. Call me super sensitive or drama queen if you may, but fuck!!!

I guess everyone's different. It's probably just me.

Thoughts.

Am currently contemplating about future job. I have a tough decision to make, and I don't have much time to do it. My sister's friends needed 3 to even 6 months to get jobs, even herself with such impressive qualifications took 2 months. Not only is the economy so bad right now and this is simply the worst possible time to be graduating, I only have less than one month to make it happen. Well, before I get deported, that is. What an uplifting thought, eh?

Was so happy, though, to catch Slumdog Millionaire yesterday!

It was lighthearted, heartfelt, funny, romantic and exciting all at one! I knew it was going to be good, it's Oscar-nominated for Best Picture afterall, but didn't expect it to be all those things. And the leading Indian actor was so innocently cute like a button. The scene with Amita Bachan was hilarious! Okay, I'm not gonna spoil it, you guys all should see it! Smiley.

Yeah, yeah, so it was Valentine's day yesterday, big deal. No car was hit, no scolding from Dad, so well, I'd say it's a huge improvement. Still, Orchard Road was so packed and people were selling roses and balloons everywhere along the street. We got stopped so many times by these sellers offering cheesy pinkish, heartish-shaped goods. Yeah, right, as if I was going to spend my hard-earned money buying balloons.

The day would have been almost good, if it wasn't for me bumping into the guy from the seventh floor again at Attica last night! Seriously, out of all places! Talk about random!

Whatever, lah!

I'm starting to see 24 now, 7th season! Wooo!

dreading

I know I can be pretty sensitive and I worry about ten thousand and one things, with the ten thousand being probably bullshit. It was great to talk it out yesterday and I'm happy to know that we're on the same page. It was just unnerving to meet someone who reminds me a lot about you, you know?

Anyway! Enough of the mushy, nerdy conversation! I'm excited for the weekend! Well, I'm determined to shed away past awful valentine experiences! I'm starting to think I'm just not meant for it! Where was I last year, anyway? Can't remember, that's how dry and pathetic my love life was! Even desert's more alive.

But even when I was with someone during the so-called love day many years ago, it always turned out disastrous. There was that time when I ended up being scolded by dad for getting home too late, but hey, it would have been worth it if we have had amazing dinner and thus, we lost track of time, or whatever! I wish! We were late because it took us hours to get to the restaurant due to the shitty traffic, it took us another eternity to get seats, and more of my lifetime I would never get back to wait for our food. In the end? We went home before even having our dinner because it was already past my curfew and the food hasn't arrived yet. We were both starving like mad. Disaster.

The next year, I was having dinner with a friend when another friend called me and tricked me into meeting him. It was awkward to the highest level, both of them ignoring each other. None of us had anything resembling fun that day. Somemore, he crashed his car when driving me home. The first time he has ever hit anything, he was with me! I had a feeling he was scolded by his dad for that, although he wouldn't admit it. What's worse about getting someone into trouble is getting someone who's really nice into trouble.

What is wrong with me???

Ah. Anyway, I bumped into the 7th floor guy on Wednesday night, and it was aaawwwwkward! Sod it! Anyway I had a great night with the girls. And I was sober! Ha!

half of the ladies!

'Til next time! I'm dreading the next disaster awaiting tomorrow..SIGH!

Sunday @ ECP

Due to the fact that I have been gaining weight like a pregnant cat, yesterday we decided to go cycling. This very idea was hardly accepted by some people because they know I don't exercise, I simply lack that gene for some reason. But since this is new year and all, and we ought to try doing new things...oh sod it, I'm so dramatic. It's just cycling, for goodness' sake.

Yes, fine! Kill my awesome introduction, I wanted to start with 'I went cycling yesterday' but it seemed to lack the explosive climax that I intended.

Oh well. So yeah, Dom was there with all his glory, complete with professional gears and all. Bonnie and I were simply in flip-flops and I felt indequate, tinier by the second. Anyway, we took the double-bicycle thing (like those you see in soppy romantic korean drama?), and thank God we did, for the reason I shall reveal later on.

I have to say it was fun, though. It's nice to be out there in the park and seeing the beach and people enjoying their Sunday as well, picnic-ing, walking their dogs, rollerblading and all. And seeing the ocean! :) We were there at noon so it was pretty scorching hot!

Bonnie was riding in front at first and after some time, we decided to switch. Anyway, I will spare you the details but let's just say that I probably wasn't the most balanced-cyclist in the world.

"You know what I'm feeling right now?" Bonnie shouted from the back while I was maneuvering the bike. It just wouldn't go straight, I'm telling you! We were moving like a freaking snake!

"Eh, what?" I asked.

"Fear!" she blatantly declared. Ouch, I'm wounded! Man, now I had to be responsible for another being's safety? Look at me! I barely managed to take care of my own!

After only 15 minutes of the bike running from left to right, but not centre, we switched again, probably for the best. I was still in the state of denial at that point, blaming it on the bike! Must have been because it was double-bike so it was heavy, I thought to myself, feeling suddenly consoled.

Our tandem bike at East Coast Park.

Bonnie left a few hours later and Elsa and Albert came. The three of us decided to rent bikes again. My rationale was actually because of guilt for eating so much at lunch! This time we took the tandem bike and a single bike.

Just then was my denial was scattered cruelly by reality! I rode the single bike..........

.........and fell right on my bottocks!

What the!!!!!!!!!! I couldn't ride a bike to save my life! My knee was bruised, my ego even more! Granted, I haven't rode one in years, but what happens to the saying "...it's like riding a bike?" Who the hell said that?! I want to sue!

"Here, here, ride with me,..." Albert said, feeling charitable.

Oh, for the love of......!!!! (so close to cursing!)

Ehem. So. We stayed there 'til 5 pm and by that time our thighs were feeling it! But, aside from the saddening realization that I could no longer ride a bike, it was so much fun.

Us @ lunch at some Hongkong Cafe.

So I can't ride a bike, there are worse things in life, right? Right? Right?

By the time I got to the movie later at night to catch The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, my cheeks and nose were sunburnt! They are the size of two very red apples. Well, the size has always been like apple, but the color!

Maybe next week I shall try...rollerblading? Too ambitious. Running? Um. Perhaps. How about walking? Strolling? Sounds like a winner! Ha!

out of it.

Watching The Assassination of Jesse James was such a treat. It left me feeling kinda hollow now. It was tragic and ironic, and I loved the cinematography and the soundtracks.

Such random note there. I haven't been feeling like myself this week, I have a lot on my mind, and well, I would rather not get into it.

So, thanks for being around, dude.