Wednesday, 3 October 2012

Quote of the Day

The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.

Tuesday, 2 October 2012

How do you know when you love someone?

I used to believe that love was a light switch. Something flicks on. You get an overwhelming sensation. It hits you like a bag of bricks. Or a strong arrow. When you know, you know. Right? Not so much. After 38 years and an expired marriage, I don’t see love that way anymore.  I’ve placed Cupid right next to Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.

Love is a series of choices.  The first choice is based on many many factors, including chemistry, principle, logic, humor, intelligence, body type, where we are in our lives, what we want / need… the list goes on and on, and the weight of each factor varies depending on the individual.  Based on these factors, we either choose to begin the process to love or not. If we decide to enter this process, the action of loving can bring “light switch” moments. The way he looks at you. How hard she make you laugh. The notes he hides in your purse. The way she makes you feel when you don’t feel anything. But like an airplane flight, there is turbulence. The fights. The disagreements. The little things that bother you. His socks. Her shopping. You start wondering if you’ve made the right choice. Once you are in doubt, you have to make another choice. To continue to fly with this person or jump out of the plane. This choice is based on a thousand other factors, again depending on the individual and where they are in their journey.

If you decide to jump, the scary free fall will either make you stronger (grow) or miserable (depressed). But sooner or later, you’ll find yourself back at the airport waiting to board another plane. Then you hit turbulence. Or maybe there is no turbulence. Maybe you’ve changed your mind about the destination.  Either way, another choice. Fly or jump?

Love is making a choice every single day, to either love or not love.  That’s it.  It’s that simple.  Either to continue the process or not. We fall in and out of love.  Even in relationships, especially in relationships.  This doesn’t mean we don’t love the person.  It means we are left with a choice.  There is a difference between feeling love for someone (caring about a person), and loving someone (choosing to love that person).  You may have love for someone forever.  But that doesn’t mean you choose to love that person forever.  The choice to love is not a feeling, it is an action.  That is why it is so difficult.  It requires you to do something and I’m not just talking about buying flowers.  It might mean putting your wants aside.  Also, like chemistry, the ability to love is not a constant. It is a variable. It fluctuates, depending on where you’re at in your life and what you’re struggling with. Sometimes it is easy to love. Sometimes it is extremely difficult. But at the end of the day, it’s always a choice.

Although love varies, it also deepens. This means the longer you stay on that flight and embark on the journey together, the more fruit the process will bare. Your investment pays off. Your choices become easier. You not only become stronger as a couple, but also as individuals, assuming the love process is healthy – which means you guys are both doing work. The choice to love creates opportunity to hit notes in life that you could never hit alone and THIS is what makes your choice worth it.

So how do you know if it’s love? That is not the question to ask. The question is do you choose to love this person or not? Right now. Not tomorrow. Today. Make a choice. Yes or no. If the answer is yes, love as hard as you can. Love with everything you’ve got (your capacity right now at this point in your life). If the answer is no, promise me one thing.

Let the fall make you stronger.

A Friend.

The most memorable people in life will be the friends who loved you even when you weren't very lovable.

Thursday, 27 September 2012

Sibohan Harrity, ‘Love Poem’

In a month’s time I may feel differently,
But at this moment I am prepared to swear
That I would like nothing better than to spend
The rest of my life picking the fallen hairs from your shoulders.
I would grow out my fingernails just for that purpose.
I would give up the ocean for the mud puddles of your eyes.
We could move to South Dakota
And howl among the tornadoes
And stomp across the prairies
And fall asleep in each other’s arms
As sweat pools in the crevices of our elbows
And crop-dusters drone overhead.

Wednesday, 26 September 2012

Tuesday, 18 September 2012

Simply too beautiful.

"Glowing" by The Script.

You knocked me sideways
When you said that you were leaving.
You knocked me over
When you cried and told the truth.
And you left me speechless
The secrets you've been keeping
You're running now, cause someone's chasing you

And you bought a ticket
But you don't know where you're going
And you won't tell me
For fear I'll follow soon
And you're tryin' to save me
From your past bad decisions
But my decision's always gonna be
To follow you (To follow you)

Never gonna stop 'til the clock stops tickin'
Never gonna quit 'til my legs stop kickin'
I will follow you and we'll both go missin' (Yeah)
No I'm never givin' up 'til my heart stops beatin'
Never lettin' go 'til my lungs stops breathing
I will follow you and we'll both go missin' (Yeah)
No I, And we don't even know where we're going
But I'm sitting with you and I'm glowing (Ooh)

I woke up this morning
To a kiss just like a whisper
And empty suitcase
And I knew that you were gone

And you left the motel
When you're headin' off of nowhere
But the lady on the door said
You haven't left that long, long, No...

Never gonna stop 'til the clock stops tickin'
Never gonna quit 'til my legs stop kickin'
I will follow you and we'll both go missin' (Yeah)
No I'm never givin' up 'til my heart stops beatin'
Never lettin' go 'til my lungs stops breathing
I will follow you and we'll both go missin' (Yeah)
No I, And we don't even know where we're going
But I'm sitting with you and I'm glowing (Ooh)

Saturday, 15 September 2012


My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.

We are going to UK!

I pretty much ruined the surprise with that title already, right?

So yeah, folks! Greg and I are going to UK!

It all started with one girl who has a dream of travelling to the land of fish and chips, shepherd's pie, and Gordon Ramsay. And then she met a boy who has been wanting his whole life to watch his favourite team play at the Theatre of Dreams. Oh hey! Apparently they match! So there began the journey of brave decision that this girl and this boy will visit UK together and fulfil both their lifelong dreams.

*Curtains drawn, audience claps*

Oookay. This is not Broadway! Snap out of it! Okay, seriously, it all just started with us being like, "Hey, I want to go somewhere far!" (this should be understandable since all we did was going to KL and Bintan, for goodness sake.) We've also gone to Bali twice and Hong Kong once, and I've gone to Pasir Ris like, a lot. Like, a lot lot, and that doesn't count as going overseas, although it sure feels like that sometimes, if you ask me.

I wanted to go somewhere where I can't find Nasi Lemak or Chicken Rice, or come across locals bargaining for fake jerseys. I wanted a long plane ride. The whole in-flight meals (and not just peanuts and bottled water). Asking for directions. I wanted a different weather, a different accent, a whole new experience that Greg and I can take all in together. Because we both love travelling. Or scheming, as we call it.

Once we decided "let's do it!", we realized it's not as easy to plan as we both have to fit in the right timing so that we can catch United play. Back then, the schedule for the new season wasn't even out yet, so we couldn't really anything yet. The whole UK scheme just seemed almost unreal, like we were just fantasizing about it.

The other problem once the schedule was out, was to determine how long we were going to stay and which places in UK we were going to go. I initially wanted to go to Dublin, it's been a dream too, especially after the teenage me watched "Once", this Irish movie about the story of two musicians, and of course, those movies I've seen that were shot in Ireland were just breathtaking! But then, I realized, that I needed Ireland Visa to specifically go to Dublin. My Irish friend also told me that it wasn't worth it to just stay in Dublin for 3-4 nights and not being able to see the countryside, which is according to him, is the real Ireland. "Dublin is becoming more and more commercialized like London these days," he said.

So after some contemplating, we decided to swap Dublin with Edinburgh! And we are going to go for 2 weeks, visiting London,  Manchester (obviously), Newcastle and Edinburgh! Yay, I'm so excited!

We've booked the flights, hotels for London and Manchester, our travel insurance, and I've submitted my UK Visa application, and took leave from work, so I guess we're all set! There are still many things to plan out, like hotel for Edinburgh and train tickets to get us from one place to another, and of course, our itinerary!

We still have a little more than a month to figure things out but suggestions are welcomed if you have any! I can't wait to go and see people like these...


Sunday, 12 August 2012


I'm going to UK!

Okay, more posts on that soon... Promise! 

Tuesday, 3 July 2012

Words of Encouragement

Dating… Are you confused? Conflicted? Kind of stuck? There’s a situation you’re in and you’re not sure why you’re in it, or how to get out of it, or if you even want to get out of it. Is it wrong? Is it right? Are you depriving yourself of something great or is this a terrible decision? All totally normal instincts to have, simultaneously.

The only thing you have to think about while dating is you. You must stay completely honest and attuned to what you want. What you really, really want and what all of you really, really wants. No half-wants or compromises. This is your life, your body and potentially your future. It needs to be right.

Think about who you want to be with. What you want from that person. Where you want to go and when. What you cannot deal with and what you can. Those are your priorities, and what your person wants. You cannot betray that, for anyone. Those are your boundaries, your dreams and what you know will make you happy. That is the ultimate goal, after all.

Even though it sounds totally logical, for whatever reason at some point in our lives we tell ourselves that we should change to try and win another. That they are better than us and we should start compromising to have them. Doing so implies you don’t love yourself enough to protect yourself, and on an evolutionary level it means your tribe will not continue on. Maybe this tendency is cultural or maybe it’s a result of our childhood scars. Wherever it comes from, we’ve all done it and it gets us nowhere. Especially not to the place we would like to be: loved and respected as we are.

You are you and you will always be that you. There is nothing wrong about that person. Everything is by definition right. Listen to yourself, and listen to all of you. What do you want? Don’t compromise that. Don’t listen to the fears, the doubts, the what-ifs. Listen to your soul, and take your time. You can’t speed up fate. If it’s not right, recognize it and move on, and don’t worry, something right will come along. You should never decide anything based on fear. Have faith in the beauty that is you, honor it, so that others may see it too.

Wednesday, 30 May 2012


I love getting away to somewhere I have never been. In foreign places, everything seems more possible. I get a little bit braver and bolder to try new things, to walk new paths. I travel to experience something different, and how much greater it is to be able to share it with someone you love. The past year has been like a dream. It feels like I went to all these places for the first time, because I did it with you. Somehow being lost feels fun and adventurous. Being in extreme cold as we shivered and huddled under our jackets feel exciting. Encountering dodgy money changers and trying to bargain our ways for stuffs feel like twice the fun. I guess I have to thank you for that. For being the other half of my adventure. For experiencing all these with me. I can’t wait for many, many adventures with you.


Even after the entire world has taken me apart, there's still a part of me left for you.

Wednesday, 11 April 2012

Up from hibernation

Hello there.

To whoever is still out there, hello! And glad to see you again. How long has it been, a few months, since I last graced this space with ‘long, rambling, and probably not worth reading’ words? Thanks! It’s always nice to be missed.

 I’ve been busy! But it has been a really great last couple of months!

Here’s to recap: Work – work – Bali! – work- friends getting married – work – work – Hong Kong! Cousin getting married – work – work – Bali again! work – work – more friends getting married.

 In conclusion? I’ve done up a shitload amount of work, I’ve been traveling around to keep my sanity, and generally, people just love getting married.

Tuesday, 31 January 2012

The secret.

I used to think that finding the right one was about the man having a list of certain qualities. If he has them, we'd be compatible and happy. Sort of a checkmark system that was a complete failure. But I found out that a healthy relationship isn't so much about sense of humor or intelligence or attractive. It's about avoiding partners with harmful traits and personality types. And then it's about being with a good person. A good person on his own, and a good person with you. Where the space between you feels uncomplicated and happy. A good relationship is where things just work. They work because, whatever the list of qualities, whatever the reason, you happen to be really, really good together.

Wednesday, 11 January 2012

- from Supernova

Berhentilah merasa hampa. Berhentilah minta tolong untuk dilengkapi. Berhentilah berteriak-teriak ke sesuatu di luar sana. Berhentilah bersikap seperti ikan di dalam kolam yang malah mencari-cari air. Tidak ada seorang pun mampu melengkapi apa yang sudah utuh.

Friday, 6 January 2012

Top Ten List

Here are the top 10 (but not limited, and in no chronological order) reasons why my boyfriend rules:

1) He puts up with my emotional hurryhah-ness

Just last night, I was feeling wide awake even though it was already past midnight and my brain has been yelling “go sleep, woman!” for my own good. But I couldn’t seem to fall into sleep. Even though he was busy at work, he still made time to reply to my non-important messages and entertained me on the phone until it was over 3 in the morning when I finally started feeling sleepy. He even had to eat his supper while talking to me because I was just being so damn high-maintenance. Seriously, I wouldn’t even date me. He’s really a star and I love him for putting up with all my highs and lows.

2) He makes the best love poem

On our first month anniversary, he wrote me a poem. (Actually, he insisted that the poem wasn’t done yet but I kinda forced him to give it to me. But psst. Let’s just pretend he gave it to me willingly.) It was a simple poem, written in his unruly handwritings (which I love. I love people’s handwritings, and especially his. I could be biased. Totally.) It wasn’t Shakespeare’s masterpiece, but it was the sweetest thing he could have given me at the time. I hold it dearly and it still makes me grin the widest and toothiest grin whenever I see it.

3) His constant reassuring ways to let me know that he loves me

I get jealous. I get insecure. Some other guys probably don’t have the patience to entertain their girlfriends whenever this happens. A friend of mine once shared with me that her boyfriend would just say “don’t be ridiculous” and leave it at that when she admitted of being jealous about something. My boyfriend is the most awesome, loving guy who has never failed to reassure me that I have nothing to be jealous about. He does it so perfectly that I can do nothing but believe him. Just thinking about it makes me want to run up to him and give him a super big hug right now.

4) He has just the right amount of dorkiness that complement mine perfectly

I’m a dork, and this has been pointed out by people a lot of times before. Sometimes I do ridiculous and embarrassing things just to amuse myself, like dancing around the house, or pretending to speak with an accent. But with my boyfriend, it’s not just that he understands and gets me perfectly down to my dorkiest cell, he’s also the dorkiest, most adorable person I have ever met. When everyone would just look at me and laugh whenever I did something silly, my boyfriend would crack me up by doing something even more embarrassing or taking part in the said-silly thing with me.

5) His love for movies, songs, places, pepper lunch and banana honey prata with ice cream

I could not imagine being with someone who doesn’t enjoy going to the movies, or seeing new places while traveling, or sharing my big appetite for food, and all of these things - my boyfriend is the perfect companion. We go to the movies a few times a week and we love planning for travel schemes and sharing new things together, and hey! Who would’ve known, he shares my love for crabs, pepper lunch and banana honey prata with ice cream too! Seriously, is there anything else I could ask for? He rocks.

6) His unapologetic passion for things he loves

I love people with great passion. I think it shows individuality and uniqueness as a person, and I find it really attractive. I love that my boyfriend is addicted to Transformers, I love that he knows all Manchester United players and stats at the back of his hand, and I love that during our recent visit to Dinosaurs Exhibition, he could point out all the Dino facts they got wrong and corrected them. I love that he’s unapologetic about them, and I love it even more that even though we don’t necessarily share the same passion, we find ways to always respect each other’s.

7) His patience for tolerating my cheesiness, mushiness and manjaness

I have a cheesy streak the size of a bull. And when these things hit, he patiently listens, entertains, or try to out-cheeses me, always makes me smile. He never belittles my feelings, or makes fun of these perfectly mock-able traits of mine. Instead, all of the time he hugs me and tells me that he *enter the cheesiest verb you can think of* too.

8) He has the most awesome laugh

I think we all agree that laughter is the best medicine. We can’t take life too seriously and it’s easy when your boyfriend has the most awesome laugh. Mine laughs without inhibitions, loud and infectious. His laughter is the loudest in the room, and I can’t help but laugh along, ruffling his hair playfully because he’s just so adorable.

9) His listening ear

I’m pretty convinced he must have a magic ear for always being ready to listen to my ramblings and stories (which I’m sure he’s not even remotely interested in half of the time). But he never fails to be there for me. Always. Sometimes I take this for granted, but whenever I think about it, I’m so very grateful for his constant willingness to lend me a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, or any of his other body parts for my emotional well-being.

10) He’s a writer

A great one at that. I’ve always had a thing for writers. I wish there are some better explanations for this, but I just think writers are really sexy. I love seeing his writings, a part of me cheers along whenever I see his name on the paper, and I can’t be prouder that he’s mine. (audience cue: “aaaawwww.”)

11) He reads my mind and completes my sentences

Is he secretly a Jedi? *wishful*

Okay, that was 11. Ooops.

See? I told you I have the best boyfriend in whole world.