Welcome!: Baby, Saturate Me

Thursday, 2 August 2007

Baby, Saturate Me

So I'm officially reaching my saturation point. My attention span is already low as it is, and so I'm definitely not good with handling the same thing for such period of time. How will I manage stable boyfriend or future husband, you ask? What, you think I have never thought of that? You think I'm not freaked out by that? But today is today and tomorrow is tomorrow, so I shall worry about that once the ring is proposed and some kneeling action involved. Not a second before that.

See, the thing about my low attention span doesn't only influence my inability to stay on job, write here daily, embrace my true potential as a storywriter, date the same guy for more than 4 months, but also in this case, go to class everyday.

Which is funny, cos I'm a student and going to class is what I should do. It's like, complaining about having to sing all the time when you're a singer. Or about constantly having to marry different men when you're Elizabeth Taylor. And about popping 'Coke' with slightly bad pronounciation when you're Lindsay Lohan. You know what I mean?

There's just so much thing one can do in this saturation point, really.

Is it just me or I looked so....wrong?! See, saturation! Short-attention span!

Okay, so we've managed to establish that I'm busy with school nowadays. But the good thing is I get to see my friends a lot often. Particularly babe and I have been hanging out a lot, just talking and bitching, basically. Which is therapheutical, I'm tellin' you. That girl is a trooper, with all the dramas she's in!

Yesterday Sis and I had japanese buffet at Kuisinboo in Suntec. Sushi, sashimi, soba, tempura, crabs, prawns, soup, chicken, beef, dory fish, rice, desserts, cakes, ice creams, drinks, name it, they have it all. So people said they just can't seem to try everything in there during the two hours meal. But let me just say this. Their stomach wouldn't be able to fit everything in anyway even if they have more than two hours.

I'm the queen of glutton and I was damn full, okay! It was ladies night so each person is roughly around 27 bucks if you're interested.

Instead of puttin' up new pics, I'm posting up another pic from the MOS party weeks ago. (I am really getting old, aren't I?)

Another irritating story I just remembered, was that I downloaded a picture editor program called Portrait Professional a few days ago. You know how the Photoshop episode ended, right, and so I was quite delighted seeing that it only took seconds to get the portrait program to my computer. And it apparently was a great program too cos you could do lots of tricks to modify a pic, not only for basic color and lightning as Picasa, but to the point which you can reduce wrinkles and lines, tan your skin, smallen your nose, widen and put color in your eyes, shape and plump your lips etc, etc. And so I was so excited trying to experiment the different functions and making my face full of ifs...what if I have bigger eyes, what if my nose is smaller, what if this is this, all sorts of bimbiotic unimportant but fun things. So I spent like thirty minutes doing so and by the time I was quite satisfied with the result,(that made me realize I already look good as it is, absolutely kidding ha!) I tried to save the image. Yes, innocently.

And then I JUST FOUND OUT THAT IN ORDER TO SAVE THE IMAGE YOU HAVE TO BUY THE PROGRAM FIRST!!!!!!

I FEEL SO CHEATED!! I WANT MY MONEY BACK! I mean, MY TIME BACK! I was ready to boost my newly twinkling eyes, luscious lips and magically perfect skin to a crush of mine in order to seduce him AND NOW THIS?!!!

I FEEL CHEATED! (..again!)

I should have known better that if something seems to be too good to be true, most probably it is! (I can't believe I got so worked up over a picture editor program?!!! I'm so free, ah!!)

End of this module is two days away! Hang in there, short-attention-span!!

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Quotes

There's a hundred million different ways of writing, and it takes you a long time to sort through that stuff. And I think it takes anyone a long time to find a voice.

You must learn to take the good with the bad, the happy with the sad, love what you’ve got and remember what you had. Learn to forgive, but never forget, learn from your mistakes but never regret. People change and things go wrong, but you just have to remember that life goes on.

The day before I’m supposed to be meeting Caroline for a drink, I develop all the textbook symptoms of a crush: nervous stomach, long periods spent daydreaming, an inability to remember what she looks like. I can bring back the dress and the boots, and I can see her bangs, but her face is a blank.

I don't know, I think that if I could just accept the fact that my life is supposed to be difficult. You know, that's what to be expected, then I might not get so pissed-off about it and I'll just be glad when something nice happens.

I can see now I never really committed to Laura. I always had one foot out the door, and that prevented me from doing a lot of things, like thinking about my future and... I guess it made more sense to commit to nothing, keep my options open. And that's suicide. By tiny, tiny increments.

There's a big fucking world out there. It's messy, and it's chaotic, and it's never, never ever the thing you'd expect. It is ok to be scared, but you cannot allow your fears to turn you into an asshole, not when it comes to the people that love you, the people that need you.

Maybe what I'm saying is, is the world might be evolving the way a person evolves. Right? Like, I mean, me for example. Am I getting worse? Am I improving? I don't know. When I was younger, I was healthier, but I was, uh, whacked with insecurity, you know? Now I'm older and my problems are deeper, but I'm more equipped to handle them.

I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who's ever lived: I've loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough.

Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.

A woman needs to be held, even, and science has shown this, if its with someone she doesn't care about. Protective hormones are released, and the amount of hormones released depends on the degree to which she is held. The first and best is the complete surround. He wraps you in both arms, whispers how beautiful you are. Second best is the 'arm around.' He is next to you but with one arm around you. Third is he's just next to you on his elbow, but he rests his hand on your stomach and looks at you. Fourth is you snuggling up to him with your head on his chest, while he looks away into space. But when the first best happens, you feel completely, wonderfully like a woman.

So, so what, so fuck off, go home, leave you alone? I'll tell you something Paul, there isn't anything that I've wanted for eighteen years, cause I was a kid eighteen years ago. And if I did still want the same things I'd think I'd gone wrong somewhere, because actually I don't want to marry David Cassidy, I don't want bigger tits, I don't want to do better on my marks. I've stopped worrying about that kind of thing and maybe you should try.

Well maybe there's a big bit of you that's gone missing somewhere, maybe everyone should want something they've always wanted.

Why is it that adults aren't supposed to go mad about anything? You gotta keep a lid on it. And if you don't then people are apparently entitled to say what they like. "You haven't grown up. You're a moron. Your conversation is trivial and boorish. You can't express your emotional needs. You can't relate to your children." And you die, lonely and miserable. But you know, what the hell, every cloud has a silver lining.

I just woke up one morning and didn't feel the same way. Where did it go? It was like there had been a lot of food on a plate in front of us, and we ate it all really quickly, and then there was nothing left. Maybe that's how couples stay together: they're not greedy. They know that what they have in front of them has to last a long time, so they kind of pick at it. I hope it's not like that, though. I hope that when people are happy together, it feels as though someone keeps piling seconds and thirds on their plates.

That is what I have learned: Sex is destructive. Love is nothing to be fooled with. I learned that I was dangerous, not to be trusted. I wondered if my parents were right, with all of their stiff lovelessness. Maybe they knew better. My parents don't dole out love for the deserving or the undeserving. I was learning that love could cost me.

You could say all you liked about reason and logic and common sense and imagination, but when the chips were down, the one skill you needed was the ability to think about absolutely nothing whatsoever.

There is a comfort in never making an effort, but it's a lonely comfort. What keeps you going is the knowledge that you're only playing with only four cards showing. But when you see other people succeeding with their mediocre hands, you have to make a decision. If you turn over that final card you're certain of victory, but it also means you have nothing in reserve.

I’d gone through life believing in the strength and competence of others; never in my own. Now, dazzled, I discovered that my capacities were real. It was like finding a fortune in the lining of an old coat.

Maybe we all live life at too high a pitch, those of us who absorb emotional things all day, and as mere consequence we can never feel merely content: we have to be unhappy, or ecstatically, head-over-heels happy, and those states are difficult to achieve within a stable, solid relationship.