Prickle of Paranoia

My body temperature would decrease by a few degrees, there'd be an icy dread of coldness, my hands would shiver and when you touch it, you'd yank them away straightly while cursing under your breath. It's not my fault, it's just the way my body goes under the circumstances. Next thing I know, I'd have the overwhelming urge to piss. And after the silent journey to the toilet, still it wouldn't be able to make me feel better. Somehow, between the body-cooling process and the toilet-trip, nausea comes and wipes everything to a much worse state.

I hate feeling nervous.

It's not just one of those nervousness when you're about to open your final report grade, although it's completely normal to be nervous under that scenario, and I usually am too, for the whole 5 minutes (staring blankly at the envelope, slowly opening the envelope, doing more staring and making sure it's really your name peering down at the cover and not some losers, praying silently for the first proper time in ages, feeling a bit of sweat coming down on your forehead, carefully opening the letter but closing half you eye while doing so, and finally, when you can't stand it any longer, you just open your eyes, prepare for the worst, only to find out that you got an A.) I know, cruel, isn't it? It is cruel, when you think about it, but by this time, you'd be too busy cheering and wiping away the sweat with the handkerchief, too busy feeling relief and making promise that you'd come to church from then on.

Okay, I may be just a bit exaggerating, but I do that! Of course, minus the wiping away sweat and swearing on myself.

And, the worst time ever is the long waiting moment! It's not half as bad as you expected when you finally come down to it, but the painful waiting is another story. That is exactly the time when you're contemplating the worst possible scenario that might happen. And you wouldn't even have the time to think about it if you just sail and go straight right to it. But because you're waiting, you let your mind wander around unsupervised and the result could be quite damaging.

Like now, for example. I'm now freaking out about my interview tomorrow. And I have a whole day to basically, suffocate and torture myself with endless painful worst-case scenarios!

What if I stammer and he can't understand a word I'm saying??!!
What if I can't understand a word he's saying??!!!
What if I make complete fool out of myself??!!!
What if I can't answer his questions??!!!
What if I make a joke and he just stare at me with evil eyes??!!!
What if he asks about my knowlegde in marketing and I just sit there, speechless??!!
YES! What if suddenly I lose my ability to SPEAK??!!!

I'm sure I can come up with many others, but writing them all will depress me even more! Okay, so maybe me being suddenly mute is highly unlikely, but the others are pretty rationale, I think!

It's not like this is my first interview ever, but it certainly feels like it! The two interviews I've had before seemed informal and pretty casual, it didn't consist me dressing up, bringing my resume(which is very short, I'm telling you), coming down to an office building, waiting to be summoned up into the office with God-knows-how many people inside ready to scar me for life, and...and..NOW THIS ISN'T HELPING AT ALL!

I'm totally blowing this out of proportion. What's the worst that could happen?? It's not the prospect of being rejected that freaks me out, it's just the interview!

Now I just want to get this over with and enjoy an interview-free lunch celebration afterwards. Yes, the lunch should be my motivation!

I'll write more later. (if I can survive it alive......)