Welcome!: Long-Distance

Thursday 12 July 2007

Long-Distance

Although yes, I sometimes write things so insignificantly(read: crappily), and some of you might get too overwhelmed by the urge to gag (by what I wrote, that is. Not by the weird looking juicy-chewy thing you had for dinner..) but once in a while, it doesn't hurt to have a topic. I've written things from 'kissing up to your boss', 'teenagers and body image issue', even to 'memorable cartoon character'. Let me assure you that I'm not the one choosing these, okay. Honestly, like I really care if Spice Girls'll reunite.

p.s: I agreed that kissing up to your boss is necessary, my memorable cartoon characters are those in Disney's Sleeping Beauty, and I still, don't give a damn if Spice Girls'll reunite.

So, today's topic is, long-distance relationships.

Ooooookay, so it's not exciting enough to make you all scream in delight, or die in suspense. At least it gives me excuse to ramble for another..10 minutes? Fifteen, tops?

I would really like to be the optimist here. Haven't we all heard about real life experiences and seen enough evidences that yes, long distance love can certainly work? Of course it can. So, what is it about long-distance love that is just very hard?

"But what happens when your significant other lives a worldwide apart? Or simply, across the island? What happens when we can't suddenly see him whenever we miss him? Or when we do not know any of his friends? When we have no idea of where he always hangs out at?"

"And this is when insecurity kicks in. Not being able to communicate as easily as we want to. In a way, we can only know as far as what our man tells us, what he allows us to know, because he lives far away, so how could we know in any way else?"

Of course, first of all, the distance. Proximity, of course, provides a sense of security. Because we think that, as long as we're around, the less likely he would be unfaithful. As long as we're there for him, he wouldn't need to lie, to confide in someone else. And by being close, communication is established easier, meetings can be arranged faster, excuses to see each other aren't needed to be justified. We know his circle of friends, his daily routines, his favorite hang-out places. Just by being aware, having the comfort that we can always call him and see him if we want to, gives us that extra boost of trust. (ideally, although it may not always be accurate in real life.)

But I want to believe that it possible, see. After all, if two people really loves each other, then surely there's a hope? Aren't we all taught that love conquer all? Including, this great distance?

I know sounded confident when I wrote this, quoted 'I believe that long distance relationships can work as long as both parties genuinely care for each other, and of course, both need to have equal enough amounts of trust.' I still think so now, but it seems that I agree with less and less faith.

I don't want to have less faith. I don't want to turn bitter.

But as the words sink in, I know that I just don't want to have long distance relationships. I wanna believe, that there are people that can make it work. I just don't think it's made for me.

Is it okay for me to believe truly about something for anyone else, but not for myself? Does that make my belief seems...less, somehow? Or maybe, do I not believe that at all deep down?

I have friends that have been going through long distance love, and they are still standing strong, so who am I to judge, what right do I have, to not believe in it? If anything else, I admire them for it, because I don't think I can manage if I were in their shoes.

It's funny, because I always consider myself a really trusting person. It's a bad trait to trust people too easily. I think I'm guilty as charged. So how come I can trust a complete stranger, but incapable of that kind of trust towards someone that really matters?

I think I know the answer. Because I'm really an insecure person.

And I don't want to constantly having questions and worrying about things that I do not need to worry about if he's here. Maybe that makes me somewhat, selfish and spoiled. Of course, I can pretend I'm okay with all of it, I can at least, try, can't I?

I don't know. All I know is, I wanna avoid having to go through it. I don't want to. I want that extra boost of comfort, of security, of trust. I don't know, maybe it's just me. Maybe it's just the now me thinking. Maybe it's the insecurity and the immaturity talking. Maybe this doesn't mean that I won't be able to go through it some years from now.

That's a lot of maybes.

So. Back to square one, can long distance love work?

I genuinely think it can. It ain't easy, but not impossible.
I shall be the optimist again here.
It all really depends on the individual. There is no guarantee that all short-distance love will work out, neither that long-distance ones will not.

Oh, and one more thing about long-distance thing? It's not meant for everyone. It can work for some, and can't for the rest.

I, fortunately, or unfortunately, fall under the latter category. And I think I'm okay with that.

People whose love can survive even the great distance,..maybe it can be strong enough for everything else. There just had to be another test for people like me. There had to, right?

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Quotes

There's a hundred million different ways of writing, and it takes you a long time to sort through that stuff. And I think it takes anyone a long time to find a voice.

You must learn to take the good with the bad, the happy with the sad, love what you’ve got and remember what you had. Learn to forgive, but never forget, learn from your mistakes but never regret. People change and things go wrong, but you just have to remember that life goes on.

The day before I’m supposed to be meeting Caroline for a drink, I develop all the textbook symptoms of a crush: nervous stomach, long periods spent daydreaming, an inability to remember what she looks like. I can bring back the dress and the boots, and I can see her bangs, but her face is a blank.

I don't know, I think that if I could just accept the fact that my life is supposed to be difficult. You know, that's what to be expected, then I might not get so pissed-off about it and I'll just be glad when something nice happens.

I can see now I never really committed to Laura. I always had one foot out the door, and that prevented me from doing a lot of things, like thinking about my future and... I guess it made more sense to commit to nothing, keep my options open. And that's suicide. By tiny, tiny increments.

There's a big fucking world out there. It's messy, and it's chaotic, and it's never, never ever the thing you'd expect. It is ok to be scared, but you cannot allow your fears to turn you into an asshole, not when it comes to the people that love you, the people that need you.

Maybe what I'm saying is, is the world might be evolving the way a person evolves. Right? Like, I mean, me for example. Am I getting worse? Am I improving? I don't know. When I was younger, I was healthier, but I was, uh, whacked with insecurity, you know? Now I'm older and my problems are deeper, but I'm more equipped to handle them.

I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who's ever lived: I've loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough.

Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.

A woman needs to be held, even, and science has shown this, if its with someone she doesn't care about. Protective hormones are released, and the amount of hormones released depends on the degree to which she is held. The first and best is the complete surround. He wraps you in both arms, whispers how beautiful you are. Second best is the 'arm around.' He is next to you but with one arm around you. Third is he's just next to you on his elbow, but he rests his hand on your stomach and looks at you. Fourth is you snuggling up to him with your head on his chest, while he looks away into space. But when the first best happens, you feel completely, wonderfully like a woman.

So, so what, so fuck off, go home, leave you alone? I'll tell you something Paul, there isn't anything that I've wanted for eighteen years, cause I was a kid eighteen years ago. And if I did still want the same things I'd think I'd gone wrong somewhere, because actually I don't want to marry David Cassidy, I don't want bigger tits, I don't want to do better on my marks. I've stopped worrying about that kind of thing and maybe you should try.

Well maybe there's a big bit of you that's gone missing somewhere, maybe everyone should want something they've always wanted.

Why is it that adults aren't supposed to go mad about anything? You gotta keep a lid on it. And if you don't then people are apparently entitled to say what they like. "You haven't grown up. You're a moron. Your conversation is trivial and boorish. You can't express your emotional needs. You can't relate to your children." And you die, lonely and miserable. But you know, what the hell, every cloud has a silver lining.

I just woke up one morning and didn't feel the same way. Where did it go? It was like there had been a lot of food on a plate in front of us, and we ate it all really quickly, and then there was nothing left. Maybe that's how couples stay together: they're not greedy. They know that what they have in front of them has to last a long time, so they kind of pick at it. I hope it's not like that, though. I hope that when people are happy together, it feels as though someone keeps piling seconds and thirds on their plates.

That is what I have learned: Sex is destructive. Love is nothing to be fooled with. I learned that I was dangerous, not to be trusted. I wondered if my parents were right, with all of their stiff lovelessness. Maybe they knew better. My parents don't dole out love for the deserving or the undeserving. I was learning that love could cost me.

You could say all you liked about reason and logic and common sense and imagination, but when the chips were down, the one skill you needed was the ability to think about absolutely nothing whatsoever.

There is a comfort in never making an effort, but it's a lonely comfort. What keeps you going is the knowledge that you're only playing with only four cards showing. But when you see other people succeeding with their mediocre hands, you have to make a decision. If you turn over that final card you're certain of victory, but it also means you have nothing in reserve.

I’d gone through life believing in the strength and competence of others; never in my own. Now, dazzled, I discovered that my capacities were real. It was like finding a fortune in the lining of an old coat.

Maybe we all live life at too high a pitch, those of us who absorb emotional things all day, and as mere consequence we can never feel merely content: we have to be unhappy, or ecstatically, head-over-heels happy, and those states are difficult to achieve within a stable, solid relationship.