Long-Distance

Although yes, I sometimes write things so insignificantly(read: crappily), and some of you might get too overwhelmed by the urge to gag (by what I wrote, that is. Not by the weird looking juicy-chewy thing you had for dinner..) but once in a while, it doesn't hurt to have a topic. I've written things from 'kissing up to your boss', 'teenagers and body image issue', even to 'memorable cartoon character'. Let me assure you that I'm not the one choosing these, okay. Honestly, like I really care if Spice Girls'll reunite.

p.s: I agreed that kissing up to your boss is necessary, my memorable cartoon characters are those in Disney's Sleeping Beauty, and I still, don't give a damn if Spice Girls'll reunite.

So, today's topic is, long-distance relationships.

Ooooookay, so it's not exciting enough to make you all scream in delight, or die in suspense. At least it gives me excuse to ramble for another..10 minutes? Fifteen, tops?

I would really like to be the optimist here. Haven't we all heard about real life experiences and seen enough evidences that yes, long distance love can certainly work? Of course it can. So, what is it about long-distance love that is just very hard?

"But what happens when your significant other lives a worldwide apart? Or simply, across the island? What happens when we can't suddenly see him whenever we miss him? Or when we do not know any of his friends? When we have no idea of where he always hangs out at?"

"And this is when insecurity kicks in. Not being able to communicate as easily as we want to. In a way, we can only know as far as what our man tells us, what he allows us to know, because he lives far away, so how could we know in any way else?"

Of course, first of all, the distance. Proximity, of course, provides a sense of security. Because we think that, as long as we're around, the less likely he would be unfaithful. As long as we're there for him, he wouldn't need to lie, to confide in someone else. And by being close, communication is established easier, meetings can be arranged faster, excuses to see each other aren't needed to be justified. We know his circle of friends, his daily routines, his favorite hang-out places. Just by being aware, having the comfort that we can always call him and see him if we want to, gives us that extra boost of trust. (ideally, although it may not always be accurate in real life.)

But I want to believe that it possible, see. After all, if two people really loves each other, then surely there's a hope? Aren't we all taught that love conquer all? Including, this great distance?

I know sounded confident when I wrote this, quoted 'I believe that long distance relationships can work as long as both parties genuinely care for each other, and of course, both need to have equal enough amounts of trust.' I still think so now, but it seems that I agree with less and less faith.

I don't want to have less faith. I don't want to turn bitter.

But as the words sink in, I know that I just don't want to have long distance relationships. I wanna believe, that there are people that can make it work. I just don't think it's made for me.

Is it okay for me to believe truly about something for anyone else, but not for myself? Does that make my belief seems...less, somehow? Or maybe, do I not believe that at all deep down?

I have friends that have been going through long distance love, and they are still standing strong, so who am I to judge, what right do I have, to not believe in it? If anything else, I admire them for it, because I don't think I can manage if I were in their shoes.

It's funny, because I always consider myself a really trusting person. It's a bad trait to trust people too easily. I think I'm guilty as charged. So how come I can trust a complete stranger, but incapable of that kind of trust towards someone that really matters?

I think I know the answer. Because I'm really an insecure person.

And I don't want to constantly having questions and worrying about things that I do not need to worry about if he's here. Maybe that makes me somewhat, selfish and spoiled. Of course, I can pretend I'm okay with all of it, I can at least, try, can't I?

I don't know. All I know is, I wanna avoid having to go through it. I don't want to. I want that extra boost of comfort, of security, of trust. I don't know, maybe it's just me. Maybe it's just the now me thinking. Maybe it's the insecurity and the immaturity talking. Maybe this doesn't mean that I won't be able to go through it some years from now.

That's a lot of maybes.

So. Back to square one, can long distance love work?

I genuinely think it can. It ain't easy, but not impossible.
I shall be the optimist again here.
It all really depends on the individual. There is no guarantee that all short-distance love will work out, neither that long-distance ones will not.

Oh, and one more thing about long-distance thing? It's not meant for everyone. It can work for some, and can't for the rest.

I, fortunately, or unfortunately, fall under the latter category. And I think I'm okay with that.

People whose love can survive even the great distance,..maybe it can be strong enough for everything else. There just had to be another test for people like me. There had to, right?