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Thursday 5 July 2007

Photo-irritating-shop

I am soooooo traumatized of downloading the damn photoshop!!!!! I swear, sometimes I think the universe is conspiring against me! *you would say "please. Not everything in the world revolves around you", but this time, I'd say,"sod off!"*

The world might not revolve around me, but it certainly feels damn like it! Especially when I get bad lucks after bad lucks. Have I told you that I don't have good luck?! I don't think I'm the magnet for disaster, (I mean, I may not be the one who's always left up with the last remaining ugly item, or a tiny weeny piece of veggie in the plate at dinner, or the one who had chicken pox and diarrhea right on the first day of holiday while everybody is off to Bahamas,...you know what I mean), but I can safely say that I'm not serendipity's favorite person either.

Okay, back to this photoshop thing. Okay, I'm not the most technical person in the world, so even if I have photoshop, there's only a slim chance that I could actually use it, but that's not a reason not to let me try! After all, I believe it's written in the memorandum of human rights or something.

Human Rights #3: Everyone has the right to download photoshop.

See? Besides, how does IT know if I can use it or not?! I may just easily be Einstein's heir or Bill Gates' long lost daughter! This is discrimination!

So, what happened is that I tried to download it yesterday morning, and it got only until 22 percent, then it just stopped. Oh, let me entertain you with the fact that the process took a damn long time,okay! It took almost an hour just to get to 22 percent! The whole thing probably would have taken about 4 hours or so! So, I think I have the right to be perfectly annoyed that until one hour, it just stopped.

Human Rights #7: Everyone has the right to be annoyed if anything goes wrong. (For example, during a downloading process.)

What the....?! Annoyed, but still on normal level, I closed the window and tried downloading again. See, I can be persistence if I want to! And so...the downloading was running again, back to square one! Back to zero. I left the computer, mind my own business, took a bath etc etc etc, and by the time I needed to go out, the writing only showed 24 percent.

Bugger!

I couldn't just leave my laptop on while I was gone (what happened if it overheated and suddenly exploded or something?! It happened to Dell laptop before! I read it in the news okay! Who says I only read entertainment gossips?!) I mean, if I'm Donald Trump who's bathing in money, then it wouldn't be a big deal if my laptop went berserk. Not berserk! I believe the word is exploding into tiny pieces! But I'm a struggling writer! I mean, struggling student! I don't have money tree or money tub, okay!

I admit that I might be just a bit exaggerating, but what if?!?!! Now everyone's all like, 'oh c'mon, it won't explode. Trust me.' But IF it happened, I bet the person who said trust me would be the first to flee. Yeah, how comforting it is to see your level of loyalty!

So that left me with no choice but to shut down my laptop, correct?! And stop the downloading process, right?!!!

Bugger bugger bugger bugger!

I was out for quite a while, and by the time I was back, I decided to give it one more shot. Persistence!! Me!! See??!! I downloaded it again, and waited.

I played songs, relaxed, ate, read a book, stared at myself in the mirror..(kidding!) and some time has passed. Now the line showed 30something percent. Okay, good, I thought. I would just have to...stay home for another 3, 4 hours or so, and then it would be completed. Easy. Surely I could stay at home for 3 hours? Surely???

Well, yes, of course I could! But no!!! Apparently the universe doesn't really like me! Maybe I stole its cupcake once, and now it's trying to get revenge!!! COS SUDDENLY THE PROCESS STOPPED AGAIN!!!!!!!!

STOPPPPEEEDD!!! HANGGGG!!!

DAMN!!!!!! BLOODYHELLHOLYCOWBUGGERFUCKGOODGODALMIGHTYBUGGER!!!!

At about this time, I was boiling in rage and frustration, that I just couldn't be bothered more!!! Damn photoshop!!!!! Dang dang dang dang dang dang!!!!

WHONEEDSTHEDAMNPHOTOSHOPANYWAYNOTONLYTHEPROCESSISTAKINGTOOLONG
IMEANALLOFUSHAVELIFEOKAY!WECANTJUSTSITHEREANDWAITFOR5HOURSJUST
SOWECOULDMINIMIZEOURPIMPLESANDPLUMPOURLIPSINTHEPHOTOSANDSOWHO
NEEDSITANYWAY!ICERTAINLYAMNOT!SONOWYOUCANCRYSULKANDROTINWHEREVERITISYOUFANCYKNOWINGTHATYOULOST
ONEREALLYPOTENTIALGOODCLIENT..ME!!!!BUGGER!BLOODYHELL!!!

...Yeah,I launched into some sort of madman breakdown. Talk about anger issues.

But seriously, this thing is so ridiculous.

So anyway! The only picture modifier program that I had is Picasa, and although it's not very good, I guess that will have to do it. It's just for fun, anyway. I mean, surely I don't really have enormous pimple or scary red eye or skin problem I have to fix by photoshop?

In Picasa, I can only play the lightning and color.

My camera isn't so good either, it's only VGA okay! Okay, okay, laugh all you want! I know, I know, it's about time to upgrade my phone!

Like I said, I don't have moneytub where I can bathe surrounded by dollar bills, okay. I've looked at some phones a few days ago at Singtel, and nothing really caught my eyes yet. So, will keep looking for the time being.

Yeah, I was too stressed by the whole photoshop thing so I just went out and dyed some hair blue. Talk about impulse, huh!

I wish!

Anyway I just realized that this entry is very self-centered. HAHAHAHAHA. I forgot that this blog is public! Well, mind me, cos I have another private blog and I'm very shameless in there, I guess I forgot that this one is not! Not the private one, that is.

I'm honestly craving a bit of seafood at the moment, so thinking of having dinner with my friend at Newton later. Ahh..this is what I called life! Lots and lots of food!!!!

'Til next time!

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Quotes

There's a hundred million different ways of writing, and it takes you a long time to sort through that stuff. And I think it takes anyone a long time to find a voice.

You must learn to take the good with the bad, the happy with the sad, love what you’ve got and remember what you had. Learn to forgive, but never forget, learn from your mistakes but never regret. People change and things go wrong, but you just have to remember that life goes on.

The day before I’m supposed to be meeting Caroline for a drink, I develop all the textbook symptoms of a crush: nervous stomach, long periods spent daydreaming, an inability to remember what she looks like. I can bring back the dress and the boots, and I can see her bangs, but her face is a blank.

I don't know, I think that if I could just accept the fact that my life is supposed to be difficult. You know, that's what to be expected, then I might not get so pissed-off about it and I'll just be glad when something nice happens.

I can see now I never really committed to Laura. I always had one foot out the door, and that prevented me from doing a lot of things, like thinking about my future and... I guess it made more sense to commit to nothing, keep my options open. And that's suicide. By tiny, tiny increments.

There's a big fucking world out there. It's messy, and it's chaotic, and it's never, never ever the thing you'd expect. It is ok to be scared, but you cannot allow your fears to turn you into an asshole, not when it comes to the people that love you, the people that need you.

Maybe what I'm saying is, is the world might be evolving the way a person evolves. Right? Like, I mean, me for example. Am I getting worse? Am I improving? I don't know. When I was younger, I was healthier, but I was, uh, whacked with insecurity, you know? Now I'm older and my problems are deeper, but I'm more equipped to handle them.

I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who's ever lived: I've loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough.

Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.

A woman needs to be held, even, and science has shown this, if its with someone she doesn't care about. Protective hormones are released, and the amount of hormones released depends on the degree to which she is held. The first and best is the complete surround. He wraps you in both arms, whispers how beautiful you are. Second best is the 'arm around.' He is next to you but with one arm around you. Third is he's just next to you on his elbow, but he rests his hand on your stomach and looks at you. Fourth is you snuggling up to him with your head on his chest, while he looks away into space. But when the first best happens, you feel completely, wonderfully like a woman.

So, so what, so fuck off, go home, leave you alone? I'll tell you something Paul, there isn't anything that I've wanted for eighteen years, cause I was a kid eighteen years ago. And if I did still want the same things I'd think I'd gone wrong somewhere, because actually I don't want to marry David Cassidy, I don't want bigger tits, I don't want to do better on my marks. I've stopped worrying about that kind of thing and maybe you should try.

Well maybe there's a big bit of you that's gone missing somewhere, maybe everyone should want something they've always wanted.

Why is it that adults aren't supposed to go mad about anything? You gotta keep a lid on it. And if you don't then people are apparently entitled to say what they like. "You haven't grown up. You're a moron. Your conversation is trivial and boorish. You can't express your emotional needs. You can't relate to your children." And you die, lonely and miserable. But you know, what the hell, every cloud has a silver lining.

I just woke up one morning and didn't feel the same way. Where did it go? It was like there had been a lot of food on a plate in front of us, and we ate it all really quickly, and then there was nothing left. Maybe that's how couples stay together: they're not greedy. They know that what they have in front of them has to last a long time, so they kind of pick at it. I hope it's not like that, though. I hope that when people are happy together, it feels as though someone keeps piling seconds and thirds on their plates.

That is what I have learned: Sex is destructive. Love is nothing to be fooled with. I learned that I was dangerous, not to be trusted. I wondered if my parents were right, with all of their stiff lovelessness. Maybe they knew better. My parents don't dole out love for the deserving or the undeserving. I was learning that love could cost me.

You could say all you liked about reason and logic and common sense and imagination, but when the chips were down, the one skill you needed was the ability to think about absolutely nothing whatsoever.

There is a comfort in never making an effort, but it's a lonely comfort. What keeps you going is the knowledge that you're only playing with only four cards showing. But when you see other people succeeding with their mediocre hands, you have to make a decision. If you turn over that final card you're certain of victory, but it also means you have nothing in reserve.

I’d gone through life believing in the strength and competence of others; never in my own. Now, dazzled, I discovered that my capacities were real. It was like finding a fortune in the lining of an old coat.

Maybe we all live life at too high a pitch, those of us who absorb emotional things all day, and as mere consequence we can never feel merely content: we have to be unhappy, or ecstatically, head-over-heels happy, and those states are difficult to achieve within a stable, solid relationship.