Prickle of Paranoia

My body temperature would decrease by a few degrees, there'd be an icy dread of coldness, my hands would shiver and when you touch it, you'd yank them away straightly while cursing under your breath. It's not my fault, it's just the way my body goes under the circumstances. Next thing I know, I'd have the overwhelming urge to piss. And after the silent journey to the toilet, still it wouldn't be able to make me feel better. Somehow, between the body-cooling process and the toilet-trip, nausea comes and wipes everything to a much worse state.

I hate feeling nervous.

It's not just one of those nervousness when you're about to open your final report grade, although it's completely normal to be nervous under that scenario, and I usually am too, for the whole 5 minutes (staring blankly at the envelope, slowly opening the envelope, doing more staring and making sure it's really your name peering down at the cover and not some losers, praying silently for the first proper time in ages, feeling a bit of sweat coming down on your forehead, carefully opening the letter but closing half you eye while doing so, and finally, when you can't stand it any longer, you just open your eyes, prepare for the worst, only to find out that you got an A.) I know, cruel, isn't it? It is cruel, when you think about it, but by this time, you'd be too busy cheering and wiping away the sweat with the handkerchief, too busy feeling relief and making promise that you'd come to church from then on.

Okay, I may be just a bit exaggerating, but I do that! Of course, minus the wiping away sweat and swearing on myself.

And, the worst time ever is the long waiting moment! It's not half as bad as you expected when you finally come down to it, but the painful waiting is another story. That is exactly the time when you're contemplating the worst possible scenario that might happen. And you wouldn't even have the time to think about it if you just sail and go straight right to it. But because you're waiting, you let your mind wander around unsupervised and the result could be quite damaging.

Like now, for example. I'm now freaking out about my interview tomorrow. And I have a whole day to basically, suffocate and torture myself with endless painful worst-case scenarios!

What if I stammer and he can't understand a word I'm saying??!!
What if I can't understand a word he's saying??!!!
What if I make complete fool out of myself??!!!
What if I can't answer his questions??!!!
What if I make a joke and he just stare at me with evil eyes??!!!
What if he asks about my knowlegde in marketing and I just sit there, speechless??!!
YES! What if suddenly I lose my ability to SPEAK??!!!

I'm sure I can come up with many others, but writing them all will depress me even more! Okay, so maybe me being suddenly mute is highly unlikely, but the others are pretty rationale, I think!

It's not like this is my first interview ever, but it certainly feels like it! The two interviews I've had before seemed informal and pretty casual, it didn't consist me dressing up, bringing my resume(which is very short, I'm telling you), coming down to an office building, waiting to be summoned up into the office with God-knows-how many people inside ready to scar me for life, and...and..NOW THIS ISN'T HELPING AT ALL!

I'm totally blowing this out of proportion. What's the worst that could happen?? It's not the prospect of being rejected that freaks me out, it's just the interview!

Now I just want to get this over with and enjoy an interview-free lunch celebration afterwards. Yes, the lunch should be my motivation!

I'll write more later. (if I can survive it alive......)

Update Finally

I haven't written here for a while, cos I've been tad busy lately. I'm not quite sure what I'm so busy about, but I swear I am busy! With something! Yes, I'm sure there are plenty of things, in fact!

If you haven't heard, last Wednesday's presentation was a huge success! Again, you all know how unprepared my group was actually. We just finished the poster the night before, and we just made the presentation slides in the morning of the D-Day! But of course, we had this brilliant idea of making the slides on pieces of carton papers (I wish I could claim that the inspiration came right through my brain like the intense lights from the heaven, but to be honest, it's all about the scene in Love Actually.) There, I said it. Well, so we had one thing to not be worrying about, which is making time-consuming power point slides, instead I wrote the whole thing in the papers with large marker. And we were finally done with it in a crucial hour before the class started. Preparation? Exercise? Practice, you ask? Oh yeah, sure, of course we practiced! What are you talking about?!!! *state on denial*

But! Our efforts paid off! Our presentation was actually the winner! So each of us got an extra ten points for our final exam mark, which is definitely sweet. Swwweeet. So, anyone in the mood of celebrating?

Okay. So that was Wednesday. Actually, lately I've been eating out to new places! There was the sushi dinner at Novena(nice place, great ambience, big space, good sushi, not-so-good soba, but definitely cheap!), the korean buffet at Awon restaurant in city hall area(fifty percent discount for UOB visa, not so many varieties but the meat was delicious.) and there's one Japanese restaurant both my sister and I have been dying to try! But last Wednesday it was fully booked so will definitely try next week. As it turns out, this Japanese place is 'rumoured' to be really delicious and the varieties are more than you can stomach. Tempting, eh?

Back to the things that kept me busy, well, there is my advertising and PR campaign, and the mails I've sent to contact some companies for my projects, and of course, the interview next week! I'm freaking out! Interview for internship, not for soap-drama audition, okay! I guess it hasn't sinked in me yet, so I foresee I will start feeling really, really nervous tomorrow!

I just came back today from Little India, actually. I had class today, if you're wondering. Yes, on Saturday. So after school babe and I just walked to Little India, it really isn't far, and that way we could save money and spend more time enjoying the scenery and the cool breeze. (dramatic mode).

Oh! I watched The Simpsons two days ago and I think it was hilarious!!!!! Homer's 'Gay!Gay!Gay', and Bart's full-five-seconds-nudity??!! MWAHAHAHA! The movie itself is very short, but it'll definitely crack you up!

Ok! Will update more on the interview once it's done. I have a feeling I'll make a complete fool out of myself then -__-' Aw, I have such inspiring touching faith in myself! At least I'm being realistic!

They Call It Monday Blues For A Reason

I'm not usually a big follower on 'okay, this is Saturday so you have to go out, you got to, you just have to!!! You stay at home, and you call yourself a normal human being?! Shame on you! You gotta go out!!! You just have to!!!! It's WEEKEND!!!', and by this time, you probably would have packed all your belongings, go out for good and never return just to shut me up.

What I'm saying is, I don't care what day is today, I will go out whenever I want to, and I will stay at home whenever my kidney feels like it. I have more than pathetic lonely weekends, mind you, and I am normal, aren't I? Last time I checked, I still have body parts equivalent to a normal person, so I must still be normal. I'm sure I even still own a functioning brain! I swear! Just because it's weekend and everything, doesn't mean that God-forbids, I can't snuggle up in bed and drool over Vince Vaughn and John Cusack, right?

Hey, don't be wary, this stay-home-saturday-weekend-thing is just an example. To prove a point that I'm not dictated by days! (except, Wednesday night, cos on that particular night, I can get in any clubs for free, and I'm not exactly swimming with money so I find it a very good deal for me, as well as for my wallet, and so I don't go out on that day because it's Wednesday, but because Wednesday comes with many offers that I, as a girl, sometimes just can't seem to refuse because I'm not exactly swimming in money and if on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday I also can get everything for free, I would certainly make the most of it and go on those days too, so in the end of the day, I won't even go out on Wednesday anymore, and when you think about it, Wednesday will be nothing more than just a day of the week and I wouldn't even remember the word 'wednesday' anymore and I can mention 'wednesday' without blinking as if it holds no emotional value whatsoever but because the great deal only comes on Wednesday and I'm not exactly swimming with money, I.............)

Holy cow!! Please tell me I didn't just humiliate and lower myself to the ground.

I will just go straight to the point! (and yes, I do have one!)

This day, unlike any other day, I feel grumpy, sleepy, tired, unenergized, fat,.... (you're welcomed to insert other negative adjectives in here.) And I just couldn't figure out why. I wasn't necessarily lacking sleep, or did some extreme sports just to make me feel so exhausted and tired, and I didn't know why I was so grumpy or why I wanted to say shit to everyone, or why I didn't give a crap about anyone's business.

And then my class started, and by the time break came, everyone sighed and lied their heads on the tables, snoring and dreamingly making their way to heaven. And then it hit me that it happened not only to me. But apparently some other breathing beings were feeling the same thing too. And then another lighting stroke me.

It is, indeed, Monday.

Now whether this bad-tiring-grumpy-mood and the fact that this is Monday have any blood connection at all, I'm still not sure, but I would like to assume so. Some sort of evil conspiracy somehow made me wake up at 9 this morning, make my way to town, force me to face 2 hours of group meeting followed by 3 grueling hours of lectures filled with notes-scribbling and teacher's clatter. I didn't even bother to have lunch because I felt so fat.

Yes, Monday made me feel that way too. Damn.

Just to sum this up? Today is not a good day. No, no, let me rephrase it. Today, is a bad day. Not even a good amount of Desperate Housewives and Brothers and Sisters could cheer me up tonight. And now what? I still have to type things for the big presentation on Wednesday, and I'm supposed to meet early again tomorrow with my group.

Just to make things clear, there is no such thing as Tuesday blues, Tuesday miseries, Tuesday tortures, or any of those sorts, right?! I'm so not prepared for that. Hell.

Gasp! It's 12.30 am so it's technically Tuesday and I managed to get grumpy at such early stage of the day?! Try, Tuesday crap?!!!!

Slighty Better Rubbish. (Still Rubbish Nonetheless)

Finally! Sunday!!!!!

Usually I would have been out to the wilderness by now, but not today! Today is the last remaining day of the week that I could wake up late!! (I woke up at mid-day today, and yes, it IS late if we're talking about my routine lately.) And I even have school on Saturday. So much for weekends, eh?

See, I told you about my Umbridge-alike lecturer, right? She is very punctual with a capital P. She wouldn't let us sign the attendance if we pass even one second after 2 pm! It isn't even 2 o'clock sharp(because the clock in the class may not even be that accurate, and 2 pm-a-la-non-accurate-class'-clock could might as well be 1.57 in my-definitely-accurate-watch, so the whole thing could get a bit tricky. You gotta live by the class' clock, and your life basically depends on it, if I may add to enchance the dramatic effect. And believe me, nobody wants to mess with the clock! One late second and not only you can't sign in your attendance(yes, you are treated quite similarly as an ungrateful chap who sits with both his leg on the table, put on sulky unattractive frown for the exact three and a half hours lesson,..no,actually two hours, cos he doesn't never wanna come in unless he's late by at least, one and a half hour, and yes, I am babbling here just to prove to you my point and I'm not going to stop until my point is well-taken.) And so what I was saying..no matter if it's one second or one hour, you are still l-a-t-e, ha ha. Not only you managed to receive some filthy glances and be stamped as the class' dirtiest, baddest bad boy, you also definitely cannot submit your homework. Not a chance in H. So where does the clock get you to if you mess with it? Bad reputation, filthy glance, embarrassement, zero score for assignment, just to name a few.

So no, I don't plan to get myself late these days. And we all know better that public transports can be unrealiable sometimes, so I should go a full hour and fifteen minutes before the commencing class. And that could result in, some uncomfortable, unsatisfying good night sleep, if you ask me. But okay, I can handle it. I guess. I mean, I used to wake up at 5 am every morning during my school days, right? So surely 10.30 am isn't really that bad.

Speaking of public transports, I had two of the most horrifying experiences ever. From now on, I declared the bus nomer 65 and 502 to be the BUSS FROM HELL!!!! (because I don't know what is worse than hell, if there is another term, I would gladly use it.)

BUS 65 - I was waiting for it in front of Lucky Plaza, and we were going to go to Little India, but the bus NEVER CAME!!!!!!!!! Freaking A, it NEVER CAME!!!
BUS 502 - I was waiting for it in the stop opposite Far East Plaza and HELL, I WAITED FOR AN HOUR!!!!!!!!!!! I WAS BURNING WITH RAGE! THIS MUST BE A HUGE JOKE!!!!! THERE IS NO WAY THAT ANY BUS HAS ONE-HOUR-INTERVAL BUT I COULDN'T BE DREAMING OR HALLUCINATING, RIGHT?! I WAS RIGHT THERE, WAITING UNTIL MY HAIR TURNED GREY AND I WAS AGEING BY AT LEAST TWO YEARS!

I felt I could really strangle someone at that exact moment, and know what's even funnier? Funnier ha ha?! IT HAPPENED ON THE SAME DAY!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Funny, eh???!!!
HAVE WONDERED IF MY FIST COULD FIT IN YOUR MOUTH??!! Wanna give it a try??!!

To say that I was really pissed off would be a great understatement.

Am quite busy these days, to change the topic. Have a presentation on Wednesday about taxi ad campaign. Don't ask.

My sis is playing numerous James Blunt's songs so I can't really concentrate! Honest, I'm not making excuses! Anyway, just for a little insight, I really miss someone now! That explains the slightly lousy mood and inability to crack a joke. Fine, I guess this is an excuse, but it's true!



Picture which is supposed to look arty, but now I just look like a jelly??!!

Rubbish

Haven't written here for ages!!

Okay, before you start giving me that judgemental look ("if you want to keep a blog, then stick with it! Update it, for Hercules' sake!"), let me say that I have good reasons behind my absence!

...So, where do I begin? Gosh, I've been busy lately. Not busy-all-hours-long-that-I-can't-even-have-time-to-breathe-and-sleep, but more like, busy-in-the-afternoon-so-I-get-too-tired-or-rather-too-lazy-at-night-to-write-a-diary.

The bottom line is still, I'm busy, right?

For one, school already started! So I have class everyday from now on, and the teacher looked exactly like Doloris Umbridge in Harry Potter! Okay, maybe just a lot younger. But the hair, the body, the voice are quite similar it's scary! I'm studying Advertising now, and for my post assignment I'm supposed to make a full ad campaign which, I have a feeling I won't be able to finish in one day before the due date like I've done before.

Quite intimidating, eh?
But it should be fun. I hope. Right? Maybe. Probably. Perhaps. I think so.

Geez!

So anyway. School is on the motion now, and what else?

Rainy season has started, I suppose. Hallelujah. Yeah, right, if you're in a trible who always dance for rain. It's raining nearly everyday nowadays, and it's freezing cold in the morning. You can't expect me to wake up for school when every cell and existence of the weather is telling you to do otherwise, right? It's a struggle everyday, I'm telling you!

FYI, my class starts at 2 everyday.

..........er......

I just went back for a little trip to Raffles, by the way. I had dinner at Lao Pa Sat and wandered inside One Raffles Quay building in complete awe. Okay, so I'm acting embarrassingly. Sue me. I think if one day I can work in there, I would ask my boyfriend, friends, in-laws, relatives, and basically, whoever know me, to pick me up so I can just show off.

I'm so not in the right mood to write. I think my fingers and brain are not in speaking terms right now. I'm talking rubbish.

Fine, I promise to write over the weekend. Right now I just can't even make one proper interesting thing to say.

Tataw!

Note: I'm in love with Vince Vaughn.

I'm Alright

I feel somewhat, calmer these days. Happier, even. More contented, even though I hardly party and go out til 4 o'clock in the morning anymore. Sure I miss that, sure I would jump into a yes mode soon enough, but for now, I have to say, I'm rather excited about having some quality time for myself.

Today, for example. I initally had a dinner plan with a friend whom I haven't seen in a while. It has something to do with the fact that he has his own business to mind, and so do I. There hasn't been a chance to rekindle with our beginningly-awkward-but-surprisingly-okay-now-status. And I guess we haven't been close enough friends to squeeze in just a little time between our, (or rather, his) hectic schedule, we just didn't really bother for that extra push to make time for each other. Good thing about it, we're both okay with that. We talk and text ocassionaly, catch up on messages and mails, we sort of know about major things that are happening in each others' lifes, although the details were spared. It's one of that friendship that we struggled to keep, but slowly beginning to wave off, and we need this, at least this dinner, just to make everything seem better. To make us look more like friends, rather than just ocassional acquaintances.

But this morning, he said he had to cancel it. Followed by standard i'm-sorry-I-will-make-it-up-to-you-I-will-get-you-a-present-next-time-we-meet-procedure, as if bringing me a present will make me feel like a prettier woman, or a better friend. And he mentioned too, about how nice it is, just knowing that I'm his friend. That sort of nice things you will only say to someone when you know that you've done something wrong.

Typical.

The thing is, I was surprised to find out, that I didn't really feel dissapointed.

POP Quiz! I wonder, what does that say about me?????

That's the serious-as-serious-as-CNA-news-headline-quiz question.

I didn't wanna point out that his excuse was totally lame, I mean, if I didn't know better, I would think that he was just trying to stand me up. After all, he was the one suggesting to meet today. But no. I genuinely hope things are okay with him. And I think that he must have a reason why he couldn't make the plan.

And I'm still happy. I think the first reason was, knowing that Mom is already back home now. That fact only, has lifted my mood for about 8 levels. Being stood up by a friend definitely won't be able to bring me down. Heck, I'm telling you, even if I have to stay, and get rotten at home for 5 consecutive days, I will still come out with a huge grin on my face afterwards. Maybe even with a purer mind. Yes, maybe I would have used all those times to meditate or something. Or learn how to cook. That's hardly the point, is it? What I'm saying is, I really am feeling calmer.

Like today. I spent hours in the library, just enjoying the serenity and the smell of old and fresh books, sitting and reading. Alone. Can you believe that? And I didn't just go there because I needed to get out of the house, but I wanted to. 'Tell ya, library does that to you.

I am fully aware, that this won't really last long. Soon enough, things will start happening again. Mind you, my life isn't that exciting, but it isn't so dull either. My point is, that life goes on, doesn't it? I won't be able to feel like this forever. Afterall, what's life without all that jazz?

But I guess, now I will just savour it, knowing that for a while, for this period of time, everything is alright. And that I can truly feel contented and safe.

P.S: Somehow, now that I read this post again, I wonder what does the complicated explanation and rambling about the status of friendship between my friend and I have anything to do with the fact that I am feeling happy these days? Why, because if I wasn't feeling so calm, I would have, yelled at his face(or rather, to his phone number), and dreamt about the numerous painful slow ways to torture him for cancelling our plan? Choked his neck and left a permanent scar, maybe?

Nah. I'm not a violent person, am I? 'course not!

Long-Distance

Although yes, I sometimes write things so insignificantly(read: crappily), and some of you might get too overwhelmed by the urge to gag (by what I wrote, that is. Not by the weird looking juicy-chewy thing you had for dinner..) but once in a while, it doesn't hurt to have a topic. I've written things from 'kissing up to your boss', 'teenagers and body image issue', even to 'memorable cartoon character'. Let me assure you that I'm not the one choosing these, okay. Honestly, like I really care if Spice Girls'll reunite.

p.s: I agreed that kissing up to your boss is necessary, my memorable cartoon characters are those in Disney's Sleeping Beauty, and I still, don't give a damn if Spice Girls'll reunite.

So, today's topic is, long-distance relationships.

Ooooookay, so it's not exciting enough to make you all scream in delight, or die in suspense. At least it gives me excuse to ramble for another..10 minutes? Fifteen, tops?

I would really like to be the optimist here. Haven't we all heard about real life experiences and seen enough evidences that yes, long distance love can certainly work? Of course it can. So, what is it about long-distance love that is just very hard?

"But what happens when your significant other lives a worldwide apart? Or simply, across the island? What happens when we can't suddenly see him whenever we miss him? Or when we do not know any of his friends? When we have no idea of where he always hangs out at?"

"And this is when insecurity kicks in. Not being able to communicate as easily as we want to. In a way, we can only know as far as what our man tells us, what he allows us to know, because he lives far away, so how could we know in any way else?"

Of course, first of all, the distance. Proximity, of course, provides a sense of security. Because we think that, as long as we're around, the less likely he would be unfaithful. As long as we're there for him, he wouldn't need to lie, to confide in someone else. And by being close, communication is established easier, meetings can be arranged faster, excuses to see each other aren't needed to be justified. We know his circle of friends, his daily routines, his favorite hang-out places. Just by being aware, having the comfort that we can always call him and see him if we want to, gives us that extra boost of trust. (ideally, although it may not always be accurate in real life.)

But I want to believe that it possible, see. After all, if two people really loves each other, then surely there's a hope? Aren't we all taught that love conquer all? Including, this great distance?

I know sounded confident when I wrote this, quoted 'I believe that long distance relationships can work as long as both parties genuinely care for each other, and of course, both need to have equal enough amounts of trust.' I still think so now, but it seems that I agree with less and less faith.

I don't want to have less faith. I don't want to turn bitter.

But as the words sink in, I know that I just don't want to have long distance relationships. I wanna believe, that there are people that can make it work. I just don't think it's made for me.

Is it okay for me to believe truly about something for anyone else, but not for myself? Does that make my belief seems...less, somehow? Or maybe, do I not believe that at all deep down?

I have friends that have been going through long distance love, and they are still standing strong, so who am I to judge, what right do I have, to not believe in it? If anything else, I admire them for it, because I don't think I can manage if I were in their shoes.

It's funny, because I always consider myself a really trusting person. It's a bad trait to trust people too easily. I think I'm guilty as charged. So how come I can trust a complete stranger, but incapable of that kind of trust towards someone that really matters?

I think I know the answer. Because I'm really an insecure person.

And I don't want to constantly having questions and worrying about things that I do not need to worry about if he's here. Maybe that makes me somewhat, selfish and spoiled. Of course, I can pretend I'm okay with all of it, I can at least, try, can't I?

I don't know. All I know is, I wanna avoid having to go through it. I don't want to. I want that extra boost of comfort, of security, of trust. I don't know, maybe it's just me. Maybe it's just the now me thinking. Maybe it's the insecurity and the immaturity talking. Maybe this doesn't mean that I won't be able to go through it some years from now.

That's a lot of maybes.

So. Back to square one, can long distance love work?

I genuinely think it can. It ain't easy, but not impossible.
I shall be the optimist again here.
It all really depends on the individual. There is no guarantee that all short-distance love will work out, neither that long-distance ones will not.

Oh, and one more thing about long-distance thing? It's not meant for everyone. It can work for some, and can't for the rest.

I, fortunately, or unfortunately, fall under the latter category. And I think I'm okay with that.

People whose love can survive even the great distance,..maybe it can be strong enough for everything else. There just had to be another test for people like me. There had to, right?

Random Confessions

I wonder how do people get my email address so easily?! Is it some kind of practical joke, where everyone suddenly knows my email, sends messages there, and when I started to creep out, they would just pop out from their hiding places and yell 'surprise! You're on candid camera!' I'm sorry, but I refuse to participate in this game which sole purpose is to humiliate me, cos it makes me think like I'm miss popular then suddenly whoa! You're just miss plain stupid, dot, end of story!

Which is funny in itself, because it certainly doesn't even make me feel good, let alone popular. This candid camera thing? See how I'm frowning here? Instead of laughing? Beats the whole point, doesn't it?

So let's think rationally here. It might have something to do with my blog, cos I put my email address in there. Yeah, that must be the only explanation, right? As in for Skype. Bloody hell, I don't even use it much, but it's always on everytime my laptop is on, and strangers are suddenly everywhere. What, they don't have enough contacts on their lists, so they decided to surprise an innocent, unsuspecting, naive stranger like me?!

Why does..I don't know, John Cusack never accidentally come across MY Skype?! Surely he sometimes use computer too, doesn't he?

And why are people who suddenly approached me in Skype always from China??!! Seriously, Taiwan, Shanghai...CHINA! I mean, is this Skype thing so big in there? Just like, MySpace in the US, or Bebo in Ireland? Well, I don't have a clue! I always end up ignoring them cos they have lousy english and I don't chat in there often.

Well, anyway. How many of you actually know that I love drawing? When I was small, I got into drawing course, and at kindergarten I actually won a colouring competition, despite a tiny weeny little bit fact that I coloured a frog blue. The judges must have thought there were really blue frogs species somewhere, or maybe the contestants weren't really that good, so they had no choice but to choose me as the winner. Either case, I'm not complaining! Although, I felt a bit pathetic if the latter case was true....damn it!

So, if I tell you that I drew this, would you believe me?



or this??



If your answer is no, I'm terribly hurt!

It was quite a bit contemplation I had before whether to get into journalism, or design? I finally chose journalism cos I wasn't too confident in the design thing, I'm not sure I'm that creative, see. But nowadays once in a while when the mood is there, I still like to draw just for fun.

Know what I miss about school? Writing in notebook! Using colorful pens like this!



We don't write much anymore nowadays in campus. Or..is it just me?! Am I just getting lazy? How depressing... And umm, that was old journal, I DO NOT skip class anymore, okay!!

So. This is 2 pm and I'm getting hungry. My class starts next week, phew, it's about time I have something to do! Now that I don't work anymore, I feel like a lazy bum. Saw an opening at sushi restaurant yesterday, maybe I'll give it a try. What happened to office job, you ask? I know, I know, but companies only want Singaporeans and PRs, it's so hard for me to get one. Besides, office hours are from morning to evening, I won't be able to work while I have class. Maybe I shouldn't concentrate on getting a job first, huh? After all, I should prioritize the study. But I feel helpless sometimes having no self-money, see.

ANYWAY. Worry about that later after I eat. Haha.

Song, Pimples, Sushi, Eyebrows.

So. Just to let you know, I've been writing a few paragraphs here before, but erased it again, and again, and decided not to bother to write about it anymore. I know, such very ridiculously thoughtful of me.

I found myself loving some tunes by Lily Allen nowadays. This track is really nice. And the lyrics is deep,man! Reminds me a lot of him. Oh gosh, now I'm being melancholic. Okay, okay, there's someone, so what?

"Littlest Things" (you can see the video here)

Sometimes I find myself sitting back and reminiscing
Especially when I have to watch other people kissing
And I remember when you started calling me your Mrs
All the play fighting
All the flirtatious disses
I’d tell you sad stories about my childhood
I dunno why I trusted you but I knew that I could
We’d spend the whole weekend
Lying in our own dirt
I was just so happy
In your boxers and your t-shirt

Dreams, dreams of when we had just started things
Dreams of you and me
It seems, it seems
That I can’t shake those memories
I wonder if you have the same dreams too

The littlest things that take me there
I know it sounds lame but it’s so true
I know it’s not right but it seems unfair
That thing’s are reminding me of you
Sometimes I wish we could just pretend
Even if only for one weekend
So come on
Tell me

Drinkin’ tea in bed, watchin’ DVD’s
When I discovered all your dirty, grotty magazines
You’d take me out shopping
And all we’d buy is trainers
As if we ever needed anything to entertain us
The first time that you introduced me to your friends
And you could tell that I was nervous, so you held my hand
When I was feeling down, you’d make that face you do
There’s no-one in the world who could replace you

"The first time you introduced me to your friends, and you could tell that I was nervous, so you held my hand" is really sweet. I didn't know her right until one of my friend mentioned that he just bought her CD, and so he let me hear some of her tracks, and although I don't like them all, some of 'em are really good. Like this one, and "Naive". You'd probably hear the other version sung by The Kooks, I don't know which one is the original.

Anyway, I've come to realize that my face is so full of pimples. Cow, I have no idea how. You know, I used to be the kind of person who has never bothered to use moisturizer, cleanser, toner, or whatever facial products out there, and along my adolescence years, that worked for me perfectly. Whereas all my friends were so busy putting on creams and products on their faces every night, I could proudly say I didn't need 'em. (results of observation everytime we spend some nights together) I have never even gone through a single facial. Yes, and I call myself a girl. Dunno whether I should laugh or cry.

But hey, it was fine before. I don't know since when, I think it was me trying to experience being more like a lady, (yeah, and that bit me right in the ass! Sod!) I started trying washing my face with certain products and etc, etc. Sometimes it was okay, sometimes during a period, I would have some pimples. The thing is, I was never quite sure whether it was really the product, or it was me.

So well, these days(actually, since I was in Perth for quite a period of time), there are some red dots and pimples everywhere. I wouldn't say my face is full of pimples, cos that would be exaggerating, but ah sod it! I'm the drama queen, I'm allowed to exaggerate!!!

Yes! My face is damn full of pimples everywhere! It's so damn unglam! And I don't know what to do about it! Cos, see, if I started putting more new things, I'm afraid it will get worse! But if I keep on using the same thing, there's a possibility that the product is actually the reason why I had pimples in the first place! But so what? I should stop using them altogether? What if my face becomes...I don't know...like the surface of the moon or something??! Oh bollocks. Annoying.

Today..I went out for a sushi lunch slash dinner! I wonder how long this sushi-craving-salmon-addiction will last. Like, there were times when I totally loved Auntie Anne's parmesan cheese pretzel, or that fetucinni I used to buy everyday, but those periods have passed. Now, I wonder when is the end for this salmon cravings. Something tells me it won't be in near future, so be wary, my wallet!

Oh! Last time I was insisted by a sales girl to do some sort of permanen eye brow shaping thing. Gosh, now I totally forgot the name for it. So anyway, it costed like, a hundred and forty bucks, but she insisted that it was worth it, that eyebrows are really important, bla bla bla. No matter how many times my friend and I have said, "Please, we're not some fucking millionaire. We're some struggling students who just wouldn't spend that kind of money for fixing our eyebrows!"

Haha. Look at us! We would be people with extremely beautiful eyebrows who just can't afford to EAT! Yeah! We will be starving but hey! At least we have great eyebrows! Look!

Yeah, right. How funny is that?!!!

I'm rambling again, aren't I? Ah well. Nothing you haven't known! I saw Lady in the Water some days ago, it was...interesting. I remember being quite freaked out by the trailer, but the film couldn't be further away from scary. And I just knew that the concept was based on the bed-time story M.Night Shyamalan always tells his children. That guy has one wicked sense of imagination, I'm telling you.

Fine! Fine! This entry won't have an end if I keep on doing this. Keep adding stuffs I remember! Next week is Harry Potter movie premiere! Catch you later!;)

In The Spirit of Green

It's 07/07/'07!!!!

More known as the Earth Day!!!

I'm sorry I didn't wear green today as my green-wardrobes are very limited! Not in the mood of wearing my green tank top, or green tube (..partly 'cos I felt damn fat in them too..) But not wearing green doesn't mean that I don't support the good cause!!

For example, I was totally smitten seeing Ken Watanabe's 'answer the call' ad-version on TV the other day, that I promised myself I would take bicycles more!!

...Just to remember that I never even use bicycle in the first place..so there's no more in this situation.

And the fact that I don't even goddam own a bicycle.

Eeer..fine! I'll try saving the planet by some other means, okay! Like, reducing water bottles usage, sure, I can do that. I usually drink straight from the jug anyway. Opps. Don't tell anyone, will ya.

So! Anyway, in the spirit of the day (minus the green-clothing-thing), I thought I'd check out the live screening of the concert in PS, I thought it would be packed! I thought! But gosh, the crowd was pathetic, man! There was no such things as 'sea of green' as my sis originally assumed. I think that broke her heart.

Well, actually I've been wondering around the town anyway since noon with the girls. So it's not like I went there purposely for the screening.

Gosh, now I feel like a bad citizen.

So, how about you guys? Do you see the concert or do anything significant today? I'm writing this as the concert in Aussie and Tokyo are taking place. And gosh, the people in Tokyo are treated with such adrenaline pumping music(Linkin Park and Rihanna, so far), but the one in Sydney is so mellow in comparison!(Missy Higgins, Jack Johnson.) Maybe not yet, huh? Maybe they are saving the best ones in Ozzie for last! We'll see.

I just knew that they have concert in Antartica too! Wow, how cool is that?! And the audience would be those penguins and walruses...hahahaha! I have to give props to that, thou. It must not be easy to accomplish that!

Ok, then! Will add some more thoughts later! Gonna see the concert again now;) You'd better too!

Photo-irritating-shop

I am soooooo traumatized of downloading the damn photoshop!!!!! I swear, sometimes I think the universe is conspiring against me! *you would say "please. Not everything in the world revolves around you", but this time, I'd say,"sod off!"*

The world might not revolve around me, but it certainly feels damn like it! Especially when I get bad lucks after bad lucks. Have I told you that I don't have good luck?! I don't think I'm the magnet for disaster, (I mean, I may not be the one who's always left up with the last remaining ugly item, or a tiny weeny piece of veggie in the plate at dinner, or the one who had chicken pox and diarrhea right on the first day of holiday while everybody is off to Bahamas,...you know what I mean), but I can safely say that I'm not serendipity's favorite person either.

Okay, back to this photoshop thing. Okay, I'm not the most technical person in the world, so even if I have photoshop, there's only a slim chance that I could actually use it, but that's not a reason not to let me try! After all, I believe it's written in the memorandum of human rights or something.

Human Rights #3: Everyone has the right to download photoshop.

See? Besides, how does IT know if I can use it or not?! I may just easily be Einstein's heir or Bill Gates' long lost daughter! This is discrimination!

So, what happened is that I tried to download it yesterday morning, and it got only until 22 percent, then it just stopped. Oh, let me entertain you with the fact that the process took a damn long time,okay! It took almost an hour just to get to 22 percent! The whole thing probably would have taken about 4 hours or so! So, I think I have the right to be perfectly annoyed that until one hour, it just stopped.

Human Rights #7: Everyone has the right to be annoyed if anything goes wrong. (For example, during a downloading process.)

What the....?! Annoyed, but still on normal level, I closed the window and tried downloading again. See, I can be persistence if I want to! And so...the downloading was running again, back to square one! Back to zero. I left the computer, mind my own business, took a bath etc etc etc, and by the time I needed to go out, the writing only showed 24 percent.

Bugger!

I couldn't just leave my laptop on while I was gone (what happened if it overheated and suddenly exploded or something?! It happened to Dell laptop before! I read it in the news okay! Who says I only read entertainment gossips?!) I mean, if I'm Donald Trump who's bathing in money, then it wouldn't be a big deal if my laptop went berserk. Not berserk! I believe the word is exploding into tiny pieces! But I'm a struggling writer! I mean, struggling student! I don't have money tree or money tub, okay!

I admit that I might be just a bit exaggerating, but what if?!?!! Now everyone's all like, 'oh c'mon, it won't explode. Trust me.' But IF it happened, I bet the person who said trust me would be the first to flee. Yeah, how comforting it is to see your level of loyalty!

So that left me with no choice but to shut down my laptop, correct?! And stop the downloading process, right?!!!

Bugger bugger bugger bugger!

I was out for quite a while, and by the time I was back, I decided to give it one more shot. Persistence!! Me!! See??!! I downloaded it again, and waited.

I played songs, relaxed, ate, read a book, stared at myself in the mirror..(kidding!) and some time has passed. Now the line showed 30something percent. Okay, good, I thought. I would just have to...stay home for another 3, 4 hours or so, and then it would be completed. Easy. Surely I could stay at home for 3 hours? Surely???

Well, yes, of course I could! But no!!! Apparently the universe doesn't really like me! Maybe I stole its cupcake once, and now it's trying to get revenge!!! COS SUDDENLY THE PROCESS STOPPED AGAIN!!!!!!!!

STOPPPPEEEDD!!! HANGGGG!!!

DAMN!!!!!! BLOODYHELLHOLYCOWBUGGERFUCKGOODGODALMIGHTYBUGGER!!!!

At about this time, I was boiling in rage and frustration, that I just couldn't be bothered more!!! Damn photoshop!!!!! Dang dang dang dang dang dang!!!!

WHONEEDSTHEDAMNPHOTOSHOPANYWAYNOTONLYTHEPROCESSISTAKINGTOOLONG
IMEANALLOFUSHAVELIFEOKAY!WECANTJUSTSITHEREANDWAITFOR5HOURSJUST
SOWECOULDMINIMIZEOURPIMPLESANDPLUMPOURLIPSINTHEPHOTOSANDSOWHO
NEEDSITANYWAY!ICERTAINLYAMNOT!SONOWYOUCANCRYSULKANDROTINWHEREVERITISYOUFANCYKNOWINGTHATYOULOST
ONEREALLYPOTENTIALGOODCLIENT..ME!!!!BUGGER!BLOODYHELL!!!

...Yeah,I launched into some sort of madman breakdown. Talk about anger issues.

But seriously, this thing is so ridiculous.

So anyway! The only picture modifier program that I had is Picasa, and although it's not very good, I guess that will have to do it. It's just for fun, anyway. I mean, surely I don't really have enormous pimple or scary red eye or skin problem I have to fix by photoshop?



In Picasa, I can only play the lightning and color.

My camera isn't so good either, it's only VGA okay! Okay, okay, laugh all you want! I know, I know, it's about time to upgrade my phone!

Like I said, I don't have moneytub where I can bathe surrounded by dollar bills, okay. I've looked at some phones a few days ago at Singtel, and nothing really caught my eyes yet. So, will keep looking for the time being.



Yeah, I was too stressed by the whole photoshop thing so I just went out and dyed some hair blue. Talk about impulse, huh!

I wish!

Anyway I just realized that this entry is very self-centered. HAHAHAHAHA. I forgot that this blog is public! Well, mind me, cos I have another private blog and I'm very shameless in there, I guess I forgot that this one is not! Not the private one, that is.

I'm honestly craving a bit of seafood at the moment, so thinking of having dinner with my friend at Newton later. Ahh..this is what I called life! Lots and lots of food!!!!

'Til next time!

Me, No Likey!

A few things this girl can't stand:

1)Waiting.

Ah, yes. Apparently waiting is very chic right now. Don't you just hate it when somebody failed to mention that 'shortly' means 'at least one full hour', and that 'soon' translates to 'long-enough-for-you-to-go-home-grab-some-mcd-big-breakfast-comma-shave-your-leg-and-if-lucky-maybe-even-get-some-manicure-pedicure-and-then-come-back-here-again-and-it-will-be-your-turn'!

2)Having blocked-nose.

The amount of tissues you wasted could be equal to those used by 10 Ethiopian kids in need.

3)Nasty stomachache.

Now we're talking! I had one this morning! I told you it's probably yesterday's indian food, right? Well, probably. Or maybe, it was just the banana milk! See, I'm being fair. Somehow, when I said I wanted to go to Little India to eat, or that I planned to go to India for holiday, people always looked at me weirdly and mumbled yeah,right! sarcastically. I mean, why? I don't have problems with Indians! Really, I don't! I just happened to have problems with those who disturb me in the street! So, I don't want to quickly blame the Indian food for causing me this great misery!

And who says I have an issue with Indians? ISSUES? Tissue, I have; issues, I don't think so.

Besides, when you have stomachache, it's a very embarrassing thing to say. Compare it to,..headache, for example. "Hey, I'm sorry I won't be able to make it, I have headache. Yeah, I'll take panadol. Thanks, bye" And that's it. Easy, breezy, clean.

But try admitting you have stomache without making yourself look:

1)Gluttonous. "Yes, I have stomache. Must be the damn laksa I had yesterday. Or was it the curry? Wait a minute, this must be the chilli crab talking! Too much chili, I knew I shouldn't have asked for the extra chilli and also the spicy sauce! That, added by the black pepper beef! Oh damn! Now I know why...."

2)So unglamorous. "Um, no, I can't come. Why, you ask? Um..I have stomachache. Eeer, yes. I have been going back and forth to the bathroom for this last hour! It's pretty nasty. What? Of course I don't know what shape it is! Does it bloody matter?! Wait, wait, I think it's calling again! Excuse me for a minute!.."

3)Pure embarrassement. "Yes, this is a really fine fish. Of course I like it. Oh! Excuse me, forgive my stomach, it has been making weird noises since this morning. *nervous laugh* No, no, the fish is delicious. It's not because of the fish, really. No, you don't need to order something else. I'm fine. Oops, there goes the weird sound again! *more nervous laugh* Will you excuse me for a moment? I'm gonna go to the bathroom..."

And by the name you're back to the table, your date would have fleed faster than a speeding bullet, from the fear that your stomachache might be contagious,..or he just doesn't dig the prospect of eating while listening to one-of-a-kind-odd-musical-background.

....and probably the smell too.

See my point? Besides, I don't know how to treat a stomachache aside from curling like a worm under the duvet! I mean, having to drink a lot of water and taking rest. I've always taken those chinese pills, something I called 'pill chee ke tee an'..or 'po chai' or whatever the name is, HUH????!!!! (is it just me or the names are disturbingly...odd?) Anyway, I just hate having stomachache!

It doesn't happen often, but when it does, it's pretty time-consuming and very unpleasant.
Okay, I think I've made my point.

Gosh, the topic of the things I don't like really depressed me.

Call it a post and move on with life? Ggggggrreat! Seems like I get more random and random with every passing day. What next? Writing about...'how I do my laundry today' or 'how I scrub my body this way when in shower' ??!!!?!

Changes

It surprised me at how much people changed. I know, it's part of life, and part of growing up. Noone can avoid that. It happens naturally. But sometimes, I wonder why. Why do people change if it turns out to be such dissapointing?

It's a silly thing to say, probably. Because, who am I to judge? I've changed too, and everyone tells me so. People said they are worried about this notorious party girl image I seem to live on now. Yes, of course everyone changes.

But I'd like to think that I am still me. That despite how I enjoy dancing and having fun with my friends nowadays, I'm still the geek I used to be, the one who loves reading and staying at home sometimes, the one who still babbles too much and the one who loves her family and the one who still dreams to be a writer, and the one who's a bit narcissistic. Okay, maybe a lot.

I don't know.

But I'm just surprised at how much I don't like the way you've changed. You seem a lot more materialistic and unappreciative of what you've been given. Don't you know that you're incredibly lucky? Yet, there are always things you wanted more, and more, and I wonder if there will ever be an end to it.

I'm sorry, I probably have no right to judge you. Hell, I'm hardly an angel. People are patronizing me too out there, so why do I do this to you? I don't mean to critisize.

I guess I'm just a bit dissapointed. I don't get the way you think anymore, I can't understand. Seems like we see things from the different end of the stick. I can't see you anymore. Or maybe you've always been this way, somehow?

Is this the reason, why some old friends can't seem to last? That despite how close they were, once they grew up, they can never seem to find things in common anymore, and they just grew apart? Cos they don't like how the other changed? Cos they can't seem to see things from the same perspectives anymore? Cos they struggled just to find a common ground and interesting things to say to each other? Just because their lives have evolved so much? Just because..they have changed so much?

It's kinda sad..but that's life.

And you will always be my friend. I'm just not sure we could ever be the same.

Trivial Things

I feel lousy..and lazy.

Have I told you I'm getting old?

But, aside from being old or not, I am feeling rather lousy today. And my legs are killing me. I think I walked too much yesterday. Oh gawd.

I woke up at nine, went out and walked through Raffles, Marina Square, Esplanade, Funan, Chijmes, Bugis Junction, all the way to Little India, and finally to Orchard, more walking and wandering around. I haven't even woken up that early in ages!

I think that made me, at least, a decent friend. See, I'm being generous.

The whole point of the loads of events yesterday was to accompany my old high school friend who was here for holiday. When he wanted me to take him around, I said yes, sure, and thought that we probably would meet at 2 or 3 in the afternoon. And then he said, so where are we having breakfast?

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Imagine how my face looked like at that exact second.
Trust me, it wasn't that attractive. I can't see my own expression but I dare to bet on it.

Oh, and the indian food..that was just too much. It probably wasn't the food, but I felt seriously ill at night.

I'm really hopeless. I don't know why I bother to write such unimportant stuffs. I really am getting dull and lousy these days.

Have a lot on my mind, though. Maybe I'll write 'em up later.