Maybe I was missing my shame gene when I was born, maybe it was cut and thrown away together with my belly-button-line (huh?), wait, wait, perhaps it was preserved, saved in a bottle marked 'Baby X's Shame' for purpose of future study, I don't know, but it's obviously non-existent within me.
In high school, during languange class, each group was supposed to send one representative up in front of the class to do a bit of sharing. Yeah, they said sharing. To me, it was more like self-humiliation. 'Which poor child shall we traumatize for life next?' It might as well be the title of the class. So, guess who did my group pick to be put into charade for all to cheer on?
a) me, b) me, me, me c) gullible little me d) I said, me!
Well, during that time, I didn't even have time to protest, or to voice my deep angst or complaints of the world's unfairness, the next thing I knew I was up there, looking down at all 36 of my classmates, literally, (cos of course it wasn't enough just to humiliate you, but they made you stand up in the stairs to further bruise you for self-mortification) and I was supposed to entertain these strangers (because we had no blood-connection whatsoever) and tell them stories on my embarrassing experience.
Momentarily I paused, stopped to think and came out empty. There was no interesting experience I could really think of, except this certain incident which happened like, a week before. In that split second, I decided, 'ah sod it, I will tell them this story even though it will cost me my womanly dignity!' See how much of a team-player I was? I was practically and volunteraly rising up to the ocassion just to make sure my group got good mark! Okay, honestly, I wasn't that heroic at all, I was concerned about my grade too, c'mon.
Anyway, I didn't want to go into details as what I actually talked about up there in the class, but let's just say that it had more or less something to do with...my time of the month, guys, aerobic movements, oblivion, and a lot of blood.
Since then on, everyone would gasp everytime they heard the story, because they just couldn't believe I picked that above all experiences! I mean, they thought surely I had more normal humiliating incidents I could talk about, like maybe, falling down the stairs, tripping in heels on a first date, choking ungracefully in a 5-stars hotel or..whatever, you know? Well, sure, I'm certain I had other embarrassing events other than that particular woman-period, such as hmm, that one time when I pissed in the public place? Or when I threw up in restaurant, perhaps? Would you rather listen to those?
I have to assure you that it wasn't my fault I got this shameless, you gotta blame my doctor, or at least the pediatrician for bottling my shame gene! One good thing about the whole experience was, I got the highest mark in class, hahaha! (I don't know if I should cry or laugh, actually)
With that said, let's get back to present tense, shall we? I was just telling a bit of background on the whole shameless episode, and how I could get until this point now. Not really a journey full of innocence, laughter, joy, and bliss, is it?
Yesterday I went out with my friend for dinner, movie, music and drinks and I had to say, it was one great night, it might have just been perfect if this did not happen. The story goes like this. I was already reaching Taka when I realized uhm.. my neighbor has come. Damn it, my friend came soon after so I haven't had time to buy some bread to entertain the neighbor. (is this sentence full of metaphore or what?!) At first, I was just casually acting as if nothing happened and we proceed to Ichiban Boshi for our dinner. But nearing the end of it, I knew that I had to do something about this, I couldn't just let it be, you know? And there was no way I could do anything without letting my friend know.
"Um...hey..can I confess something?"
"Yeah, what?" he asked, probably thinking I would just about to say 'I'm still hungry'.
"Um, it's kinda embarrassing.."
Now he was listening. "What?"
Oh damn it, might as well go ahead with it.
"This is my time of the month..." I silently whispered.
"Ohh.." he was unsure what to say.
"And I wasn't..um..prepared.." I continued licking my wound.
"Ohh...oookay...and??" now it was officially awkward.
"I need to go to convenient store to buy some..um..tampon..Where is the nearest?"
"Uh..maybe Cheers at Cine since we're about to go there too, right?"
"Um..right,"
"Well.."
"Yeah.."
"....."
"....."
"So.."
"....Yeah, talked about bad timing. I just realized it when I was here."
"...ookay.."
"...Yeah, so I was just putting in some tissues.."
"......................................................umm...tissue, great. Tissue is great."
"...Yeah, it is.."
"So.."
"...Let's get the hell outta here."
"Practically gone."
OMG! Why?! Why?! Why?! Why did I get so stupid? Why did I even have to mention about bloody tissues?! Oh thank God, he is one of my closest friend so the level of humiliation wasn't as fatal as if I was with a hot date or something. I might as well stab myself, put some salt into it, lick my own wound and...oh shit, that is a really disturbing image.
So afterwards, we walked to Cine as planned, and I got so discomforted until I almost strangled the guy who stopped us in the middle of the street to fill in some questionnaires. Didn't he see that I was practically grimacing, sneering, scowling, frowning, grinning all in one time?!
When we almost reached, something odd happened. There were many guys dressing in red scattering around the street, and passing some packages to the passers-by. Well, it wasn't an unusual sight in Orchard Road, so I thought it must have just been some brochures or product samples which we would never use anyway. But when one handed me the package, I simply accepted, feeling more than ready to mock and make fun of anything it'd turn out to be.
My friend grabbed it from my hand, and read the words on the package loudly.
WARNING! (in unbelieveably big bold capital letters)
You may not remember that
you are having your period.
....and inside were two packs of...tampon.
SERIOUSLY SOMEBODY PLEASE JUST SHOOT ME RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!! SOMETHING PLEASE SWALLOW ME TO THE GROUND!!!! ANYTHING TO MAKE ME DISSAPEAR FROM THE FACE OF THE EARTH!!!!!!!!!!
He couldn't stop laughing, I couldn't stop sneering while mentally blushing, kicking myself, hypervilenting, grasping for air, and ....... (free insertions here)
And that was when, I blantantly, clearly, unmistakenly saw my dignity, my remaining dignity, fly away to Timbuktu.
I ended up not buying those from Cheers, but I felt like I should hide there, say...I don't know..try, forever?????!!!!!!???!!!
Really, how awfully embarrassing could the day get?!!?!
I have the overwhelming urge to QUICKLY CHANGE THE SUBJECT now!!! Well, yeah..So..uhm..we..uh...yeah..in the end we saw another chinese movie called 'Brothers' and surprisingly I liked it! Yeah well Andy Lau played in it, but he wasn't the leading role, maybe he is getting old, uhm, I really like the 'big brother' character but he ended up dead so it was sad, uhm, yeah..I really don't know what I'm saying..After the movie, I actually wanted to see another foreign movie, there's this one which looked really interesting, it's called 'The Italian', but my friend wasn't up for it, that was when I missed my sister cos she's as crazy about movie as me so if only I were with her, she would have gladly agreed to have round two!
We just finally listened to Cats in E Cradle playin' at IndoChine while having some drinks.
I didn't know what I was doing but I just took the picture of the candle with no apparent reason.
...and took one with my friend, but my phone had this bad camera night quality, I had to edit it myself and just give some effects cos it looked worse otherwise.
All in all, the day went good, despite some major, uhm, embarrassing flaws.
I had this major, major cold since yesterday, and literally throughout the day until this second I can't stop sneezing, I keep having running nose, I have to constantly blow it, it's just awful. Maybe it's the lack of sleep, I don't know, but I feel so sick. Already bought Panadol cold last night but I haven't seen any significant effect. I hate being sick, and now my throat is painful if I swallow too.
I don't want to come home and be sick! I hope this will get better soon. Last night I had to sleep with the air-con set at 25 degrees and it was literally room-temperature so it wasn't cold, or even cool at all, in fact, it was a bit warm but I had to bear with it cos I didn't want to constantly wake up during the night with blocked nose.
My flight is in two days, eh, actually, just slightly more than a day. I have mix feeling about it. I'm looking forward to see everyone again back home but it's hard, you know. I feel like I want to hide here forever, like, I just don't wanna deal. I don't know, I feel awful.
Sorry. Hey, I better take off and hopefully I can write again soon. I don't think I'll be writing much once I'm home, no internet connection and all.
TIl then, keep your shame, ha!
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