300, cravings

This is officially my 300th post.

Wow. 300. 300 times I've been littering rants all over this site. It took exactly 2 years 1 month and 5 days for me to get here. So it's pretty impressive, considering that I've never kept anything alive for this long. Even my cute penguin doll which I bought in San Diego looked almost dead to me, and I only got it last December.

Although this blog is over 2 years old, the one I kept before this in Windows Live dated back since October 2005, so technically I've been loitering a lot more than just 300 posts. I'm a word-whore.

(I don't think I've ever used the word whore in here before. This is a good sign. I'm off to a good start for the next 300.)

I don't really know what I'm supposed to say in my 300th post, because I feel like I ought to write something meaningful for a change. But as of now I have none (when have I?), so...yeah, 300. No big deal. Moving on.

Anyway, I've been having weird cravings these past few weeks. Last week it was those japanese mixed nuts, and this week, well, it's lettuce.

Because of this, for the very first time I bought one of those instant caesar salad thingy at 7/11, and a few nights ago I bought KFC's oriental salad (!!!!) while my friends all had burgers, subways and fries.

One of them looked at me as if to say, "Gosh, don't tell me you're one of those girls who don't eat."

I said, "No! I'm not normally like this!" but very unconvincingly. It's hard to believe someone would ever prefer salad over McBurgers. I don't sound too believable even to myself.

No, I don't have a fetus inside me. Having strange cravings is totally normal, isn't it?

the boybands' lovin'

I was reading an entertainment blog (the perfect way to reduce stress, cynicism, and a post-Monday's blues. Highly recommended) and there was this news about Backstreet Boys's newly released album.

Okay, so I'm going to make a confession; one you might laugh at, and most probably, mock. But what the hell. I love the Backstreet Boys. In fact, I'll go even further. My name is Tina and I'm a boyband lover.

Hi Tina.

Yeah, there. Now before you cast a harsh judgment on my taste of music, let me just say first, that my adoration for these boybands aren't all me. Shall I entertain you with a little theory I have?

Well, according to my, ehem, intellectual opinion, one's music preference is highly influenced by the kind of music one listened to while growing up. Not necessarily that one wouldn't like the other types of music, but teenagers are more prone and acceptable to the things that were exposed to them during this time.

I grew up in the 90s, the time when our tv screen was filled with pretty boys with no chest hair. I used to think the whole synchronization of wardrobe was quite endearing, and the more people in the band, the better, even though at least 60% of them provided zero function except to just stand there and look pretty.

I listened to Boyzone, Backstreet Boys, NSync, Human Nature, Savage Garden, Take That, and later to the kinds of Blue, BBMak, Trademark, Westlife, OTT, Hanson. Every imaginable combination of alphabets and numbers, we got 'em: 3T, 911, A1. These boys were so cute you wouldn't really care much about whether or not they could sing.

It was the era of cheesy pop songs, and it was awesome. I bought VCD concert of Boyzone in Wembley, which details I can still remember vividly: the order of the songs, the dance routine (if you can call it that), the dialogue they had, the exact moment Ronan smiled and Stephen looking cute. And I cried once because my sister mocked Brian from the Backstreet Boys (who was my favorite. His best-looking appearance? Easy. As Long As You Love Me) for having sunken cheeks and I cried in his defense.

My sister still uses that piece of information against me until now. "Remember when you cried because I made fun of the boyband guy?!! That's so hilariously funny, HA HA HA, I can't believe how lame you were!" I wanted to say "his name is Brian", but I think it's best to shut up. It's a lose-lose situation.

I'm sure I've grown out of that and I will never once again cry over a member of boyband (no matter how cute or hot or gorgeous or dreamy or sexy he is), but to say that I no longer love pop music or boybands isn't right either. In fact, I still do. And I don't think anyone can really grow out of that; out of that music they listened to when they had pimples outbreaks and bad skin problems.

My older sister and I share the same taste of music because we're just 2 years apart, and we grew up technically together. My younger sister is 5 years younger than me, and it was past the 90s by the time she got to secondary school. By then, it was all hiphop and RnB and 50 Cents and Missy Elliott and she made me listen repeatedly to Ludacris until I wanted to smack my head off. She grew up in a (already) totally different era.

I have no scientific explanation, really, except that music is proven to be an important influence on our memories. We associate songs with emotions, people, places, and experience we've had in the past. Maybe the memories we had during our adolescence are the most powerful.

Tell me if this sounds like bollocks. To me though, even though I love different types of music, (and these days Ludacris doesn't sound too ludicrous anymore) I think I will always have that knack for boybands and pop music. And precisely that makes me very excited about the prospect of Backstreet Boys' new album.

Friends are what will matter in the end

True friends are people who think that you are a good egg even though they know that you are slightly cracked ♥

I really miss these girls.

I think. . .

I think I miss you; your memory, the things you say and do, your voice. I wonder if there's someone out there with your laugh.

I don't think about you that much, but every so often you pop into my mind and I allow myself to remember that good part of my life; not just because of you, but what your entire presence symbolized. A much more carefree, less stressful time when I still had a handfull of hope and optimism about everything.

I think most of all, I just miss the way you made me feel.

progression

"I’m telling you all this so you’ll know I moved on; I progressed. During the time we met, I must have seemed so stuck – in my ideas of myself, of men, of everything – and it must have seemed as if I were heading and absorbing nothing, but all along, I was listening to you; I was learning. And I’m learning still."

The old but new blog

Recently I was contemplating of exporting my blog to Wordpress, because of a few reasons. First, Blogger has been acting up and I couldn't seem to post a new entry in a proper template. A while ago, I had a similar problem, being unable to upload pictures. But after a week or so, the trouble went away on its own, the site seemed to repair itself, and although you may think that I could have harboured some hard feelings, I haven't...much.

Afterall, even though I couldn't upload a picture then, I still at least could write an entry and the lack of pictures wouldn't matter much. But the latest problem I encountered of not even being able to post an entry in a decent, normal template signalled something else altogether. That Blogger is having some troubles? That maybe it's his way of telling me I have exceeded the rubbish-entry limit allowed? That the ridiculous amount of pictures I posted have taken away the rest of the memory space? How would I know?

Anyway this was going on for almost a week, and that's why I haven't been updating much at all. I restarted and shutted down my computer, not that it would make a difference. I was just desperate, and naive.

The next reason is that being a short-attention-span person like myself, it's amazing I could keep this blog for over two years now. I haven't been able to keep anything for half that time ever, or if I have, it would just be there, sadly unmaintained. After two years, a change might be nice, and a lot of my friends use Wordpress, I've always thought their templates looked nice and clean.

So last night I was toying around with the newly fresh page in Wordpress, but then I realized a few things. First of all, initially I wanted to export this blog over there, but I have two different email address for this Blogger blog and the Wordpress one, so exporting contents among these two apparently was undoable.

As appealing as the concept of really starting up an empty blank site was, Wordpress felt so unfamiliar because I have gotten so used to navigating my way through Blogger, and I'm still making a lot of assumptions with Wordpress. It bugs me, because I'm very particular about certain things. Like fonts, especially. Without noticing, I was awake 'til almost 2 am last night just trying out each template because even though some were good, they weren't good enough. Suddenly things don't look the way it should, I can't change the font and color to my liking, there are options I don't understand, and those I can't find.

Even more ironic is that shortly after I actually created a Wordpress account, I checked back my Blogger and soon found out, that the New Post option has, indeed, returned to normal.

Now I can write a post, post pictures, and make my way through this familiar website again. My two-years coupling with Blogger has never felt better. And I want to keep it, I no longer long for something new. This is perfect as it is.

Of course Wordpress has its perks, as its users would be able to testify, but in a personal game of Blogger vs Wordpress, I think I still want to hang on to this one. To commemorade the return of the condor heroes, eh, I mean, the return of the normal Blogger, I've changed my header picture to the awesome San Francisco's skyline.

That's another thing. The header looks so much better here in Blogger. =)

The good things (and everything else) that happened to me recently

The amazing cookies and cream milkshake at Cafe Galilee that has become a solace in my day-to-day routine. What's great about it, is that it's there all the time, always satisfying, and requires no effort on your part whatsoever to enjoy it, contrary to other things in life. Now every morning, as I sit in the library writing chinese characters (and attempting not to slaughter it at the same time), this milkshake is what keeps me going. Seems to me that this might be the most altruistic thing in life.

As a result of this, I'm now relatively well-known in the cafe as the 'cookies and cream gal'. This would be a great fact if, I'm given discount every now and then, for instance. But despite my continuous generousity in keeping the sales going, the only recognition I'm getting from these friendly waitresses is a question whether my eyes are real.

I finally caught up with a dear friend of mine whom I haven't seen in weeks, and I enjoyed our dinner tremendously. It involved fried calamari, fish and chips and catch of the day in peri-peri sauce and ridiculous amount of delicious garlic. The garlic itself might have sounded unappetizing, but let me tell you that the garlic is simply magic. It's like the sizzle that makes Robert Pattinson so sexy, if you get what I mean.

I got a free haircut a few days ago. All thanks to this really nice auntie who did my hair and insisted that she would waive my fee because I'm simply too beautiful. No, she didn't really say that. Actually, I've been a regular in the salon (maybe the only one), so perhaps she just wanted to show a token of appreciation. It wasn't an appreciation more than it was a threat, or a bribe to lure me come back and spend a ridiculous amount of money next time. It worked. I was so touched by her generousity that I almost gave her the money anyway, and when I was outside, I felt like a child having just stolen a pen from a store.

I'm making progress on my chinese class and both my teachers flattered me for being a 'fast learner'. I was so smug that I almost blurted, “Tell me something I haven't known.” But after that, I made a fool out of myself by saying 'women' out loud, when it's supposed to be 'wo men'. “This is chinese, not english!” my teacher said in exasperation.

I completed my yoga 10-weeks yoga program and now I'm as flexible as Mr. Fantastic. Maybe.

I've been reading good books and I found this to be very pleasurable. I finished Ryu Murakami's '69' in one and a half day and I'm currently hooked on Curtis Sittenfeld. I don't know if it's just me, but I feel so happy being engrossed in a good read, and although I may not get particularly smarter by reading endless amount of fiction, I think the experience of seeing the world from the perspective of different characters, and understanding them, is very exciting.

Overall, it's been a good week! I'm sorry for not updating and writing more often, but blogger is acting up. Actually, that's not all. I have been waiting for a spectacular experience I can share before writing again, but it's like waiting for a rocket to come. If I wait 'til a spectacular incident happens, you will have been over forty. This blog will have been moul-dy. They will have probably invented flying cars. Okay, I get the picture.

Multiply

'Nuff said. I'm activating my Multiply again.

Just sleazy

I hate how sleazy some guys just sound when they invite you to 'come over'. Not that I have a problem with 'coming over' as per se. In fact, sometimes I prefer just hanging out in a friend's house, watching DVDs and eating take-outs because it's a lot more relaxing and cheap that way. Good way to avoid the weekends' crowds.

But you can tell the difference between an invitation to spend a relaxing and stress-free afternoon and just a sleazy invitation to...who the hell knows what.

I hate how disrespectful they sound, and how cheap they make us feel.

Symptomatic

" Have you ever seen the end of a story before it even begins? Not like a psychic. But like somebody who keeps making the same mistake, because it feels good for a while, and even when it starts to feel bad it's a familiar kind of bad. A problem you can call your own. "

Once again, I must ask too much of you, Harry

J.K Rowling is a genius for creating the world of Harry Potter. How was life B.H (Before Harry)? I seriously can't remember.

I'm unbashedly a Harry Potter fan, and I'm looking forward to seeing each installments being brought to life every year. You get to play with your imagination more when you read the book, but there's a pleasure of watching it on screen and getting lost in others' vision.

I just came back from seeing the latest movie, and I enjoyed it thoroughly in spite of. I feel that the film emphasized too much on the teenage romance angst part rather than the more important scenes to build up the plot.

We simply don't see much actions from the characters, even from Harry. Lupin and Tonks made a really small appearance, and some scenes just felt flat and loose.

Where did the Weasleys go after their house was destroyed? What happened to Hogwarts in the end? And as Snape took Dumbledore's life, the scene could've been more dramatic.

However, in here we see more depth of Draco Malfoy's character, suspenseful portrayal of Tom Riddle, and truly brilliant settings. I really loved the view.

I expect the last installment to be nothing short of explosive.

Nerdenstein

At the risk of sounding like a total nerd (which I totally am anyway), I'm hereby declaring my undying love for studying!

No, seriously. I know I've been very ungrateful, always complaining and whining during exam periods or assignments' deadlines, but in fact I've been taking those for granted. Afterall, after 16 years of studying, it's bound to happen sometimes.

Since then, I was focused on finding a job. It certainly didn't occur to me that it would be this hard, or this ridiculously frustrating. Even after getting jobs, there were still other things needed to be settled. And let's just say that these other things haven't worked out very well either.

In short, I decided to take up studying again, in the form of enrolling myself in a language school. My parents have encouraged me to learn chinese for as long as I could remember, but since I've been in school and I've been taking up internships and in the midst of still trying to be young and have fun, I just haven't gotten around to actually doing it.

Afterall, it wasn't really an urgent necessity, at least that's what I thought. I have a couple western friends who speak perfect chinese, that ought to put me to shame, but I'm not called shameless for nothing. I could always give blank look to people who talked to me in chinese, and in a sweet tone said, "oh sorry, I'm not from around here." Usually accompanied with some winking action. That ought to do the trick. They either would find me adorable and try their best to speak broken english, or they would...well, leave me alone. Which is fine by me.

Sometimes pretending to be Japanese works too. Except for that one time when someone approached and asked me whether I'm from Japan, and I shamelessly said yes, and then he started speaking fluent japanese and I was stoned. Epic fail!

Well, anyway, now seemed like a good time to finally learn the language so I did. It's just been a week, but I'm loving it so far. I missed being in a class, with the textbook, notepad and pen in hand, just learning something new. Speaking out, making mistakes, making notes, and all that jazz. Of course, the most awesome thing is finally finding out things I didn't know before.

I still think it doesn't sound quite right when I do speak chinese, I always feel that people might laugh or find me incredibly awkward and unnatural, but I suppose everyone feels the same way the first time around. Right?

Or maybe not. I was having dinner with a chinese friend a few days ago and I was practising some words, and he just laughed at me the whole time. "You sound like a caucasian speaking chinese!" he said. Very unhelpful. Well, it's not my fault my tongue isn't exactly designed to speak my supposedly-mother-tongue.

Still, I enjoy the process very, very much.

Wednesday Night

Under the blazing neon lights...


We were shaking our heels and lipsyncing to Lady Gaga.

Too much opinion

I really should learn to keep my opinion to myself.

I was out with a friend, and he was just making a remark about the fashion state of today's youth. "I haven't been partying for a while, I'm not sure I'm properly dressed. What do the guys nowadays usually wear anyway?" he asked.

"I think what you're wearing is fine," I replied nonchalantly, just briefly glancing at his normal-looking shirt. It's not like there are any rules when it comes to proper attire for a night out on the town, not much for guys, at least. As long as they don't wear singlets or flipflops, I assumed they're covered.

"What, shirt and skinny jeans? Is that the trend?" he continued, oblivious to my general disinterest in the topic of chinese guys' fashion sense.

Skinny jeans. That's the magic words. Suddenly I was all flared up to speak my mind.

"Seriously?! I really don't understand why guys would wear skinny jeans! I completely detest them! I hate how they look on guys, they are terrible!" I enthusiastically declared. "And, guys shouldn't want their legs to look skinny either! It's so unattractive, unmasculine and just plain unflattering!"

I finally stopped to catch my breath, expecting him to join in the 'say no to skinny jeans' campaign I was previously parading.

Instead, he looked slightly embarrassed and replied, "Hey, I'm wearing skinny jeans."

Son of a biscuit!!!!! I stared at him, finally noticing his jeans for the first time, and mentally kicked myself in the head! Why oh why oh why did I babble on and on and on about skinny jeans! More importantly, how could I not notice his pants to begin with?!

Inside I was deeply embarrassed, but I didn't show it. Instead, I let out a big laugh and said, "Oh yeah, I didn't notice! I personally don't like it, but it's a matter of taste." Okay, so it wasn't the smartest comeback, but hey, I tried.

Quickly I changed the subject and within minutes we've moved on from the topic of tight-skinny-legged-men.

Phew. Crisis averted. For that one time! I really, really should learn to shut up sometimes.

Friends are what will matter in the end.

"Talk is a pure art. Its only limits are the patience of listeners who, when they get tired, can always pay for their coffee or change it with a friendly waiter and walk out."

Here's to my very, very patient friend who's never abandoned me in the middle of my neverending ramblings. ♥

My [probably] best purchase

So let me just here to tell you all how much I love Vaseline.

Okay, that sounds very dorky indeed. What Vaseline, you ask? You can't not know Vaseline, okay? It's that petroleum jelly (that yellow cream) we use to "moisturize, heal dryness and protects minor cut, scrapes and burns." At least that's what the container says.

In reality, though, it's useful for so many other purposes. And that's why this tiny little bugger could very be my most 'profitable' purchase ever. Goes to show that the best thing in life sometimes is only worth less than 5 dollars. Ha!

Anyway, there was a funny story in itself when I bought this in a local convenient store a long time ago. I was looking around in the rows of similar products, and I picked up to examine this bottle of Vaseline.

An older woman who was standing beside me suddenly spoke up, "that's really good. I have that too." Okay, that never quite happened before, I thought. Weird. I smiled politely and continued probing around the products.

The woman left, and another woman came by. Again, when she saw me holding the Vaseline, she said, "You should get that, it's really good."

Goodness gracious! Am in some kind of skit, I wonder? These women weren't the sales people or anything. Besides, they only have one type of Vaseline, it's not like people would need help with it.

I would still get it at that time even when there weren't these random validations from complete strangers, but I have to admit that it probably made a little effect. Anyway, what I found out later on, is that you can apply Vaseline to almost anything and anywhere in your body!

Like, putting it around your toes and the back of your feet to prevent blisters and pain when us girls are wearing heels. And, I use it the most to heal dry lips. Now this is seriously great. I often have dry lips, so before bed I would apply Vaseline on my lips and the next morning, my lips would look plump and healthy!

I wouldn't say plump like Angelina Jolie's 'cos that would be a revelationary! But it defintely makes it significantly plumper, and softer. I even heard that you can apply it on your eyelashes and it can make them nicer and longer!

I can't believe I just made an entry dedicated to petroleum jelly! But this is awesome, and I'm feeling bimbotic enough this morning to put this on writing. =p

ps. Yeah, I'm back from KL. I'll write an entry on that hopefully later tonight!

Latest

It's gonna be a short post today, cos I'm just giving a puke of updates! (Sorry, can't think of a better word..)

Anyway, I had a great day today! Well, I'm determined to make this an awesome week, with the KL trip this weekend (more of that later in another post, perhaps), and my aunt, uncle and cousins coming over on Thursday, also because I will be starting my chinese school next Monday. It won't be too time-consuming, but imagine months of intense chinese lessons everyday? I think there's a possibility I will speak chinese gibberish in my sleep! But on the other hand, I'm quite excited too. My parents have been encouraging me to learn the language for years, and I have been scolded often enough by local taxi drivers, that one day I just decided, FINE! I shall learn it, then! (Even though I never ever pictured myself speaking it. I don't think I have the right tongue for it, seriously.) But we shall see, who knows? Maybe I will actually *gasp!* enjoy it.

I met up with a friend today and we saw 'I Love You, Man' and may I just say that I loved it! I've been wanting to see this movie for a while, (Jason Segel, Adam Samberg, Paul Rudd?? Enough reasons?) but just never got the chance. It was a spontaneous plan, but I'm so glad I picked it. The movie's hilarious! I would totally recommend you guys to see it if you haven't already done so.

Equipped with an already giddy mood, I met another good friend of mine and we went to the Botanical Garden for a picnic and a change of scenery. We got there right at dusk and the sky's just so pretty. I love it when the sky turns orange, just a right on the sunset time. We took loads of silly pictures (well but of course), and overall, had a great time.

Well, I'll try to update more later this week, I'm super tired right now! Ciao. (Oh, wait, that's not in chinese. What the hell is 'goodbye' in chinese?) I'm officially hopeless.

Cold

I realize that I'm a hopeless romantic, yet when it all comes down to it, I act the complete opposite. Most of the times to the people that really matter.

The guy I was seeing at one point called me an ice queen. I assumed he was teasing, and I shrugged it off completely. The thought of me being cold and insensitive, just like that name suggested was beyond incomprehensible.

But the truth is, maybe I am. Maybe I am cold and insensitive, but I never meant to be. I feel like I have to put up this layer of 'protection' in order to ensure my emotional safety. To appear more disinterested, so noone can hurt me.

I suppose that's not the way to live this life, but I'm still trying. I'm afraid of commitment not because I don't wish to be inhibited. I think...I'm afraid because I just don't wanna be in that position. Of, being vulnerable, I guess?

Invisible intruder

There are definitely perks of living on your own. Meaning, with no actual roommates and a whole bag of privacy. My sister is living with me, but she has her own room and we spend a huge portion of our time doing our own things, especially her being busy and all that. I like this sleeping arrangement better than the old times when we used to share a bed, a quilt, bathroom and sometimes even pillows (when we were wild in our sleep, we could accidentally steal each other's immunities.)

But, like any other things in life, there is a minor problem in this living situation too. Sure, it's great that now I don't have to wear a headphone when I watch movie at night on my laptop, and my sister doesn't have to suffer anymore from my various weird quirks and idiosyncrasies. But, sometimes living on your own may not be always ideal as well.

Like, I can drop dead in my room and nobody would find my body, until maybe 10 days later and the neighbours just started complaining about some weird smell. Or, they could find me with half my face gone already. Eew.

And not just that. A week ago I was home alone when my sister and cousin were out for a salsa class. Now this wasn't an uncommon occurance, and I was just minding my own business, browsing away and watching american soaps on the net when I suddenly heard a noise.

It didn't register at first, but then I heard it again, like a creaking sound. I stopped dead, and I turned down the volume of my laptop. My flat is in the second floor, so maybe it was just some noise from a Sunday's crowd outside. But the voice wasn't a kid's laughter or water splashing or anything these Sunday's crowd might make. The creaking noise sounds like a door opening, and then there was another noise of someone's movement.

I was freaking out on the inside by this time, but shockingly I was dead calm. I didn't scream or try to climb downstairs through my window. (To think of it, why didn't I?!! If there were an axe murderer in the house, I should have climbed down, heck, or jumped through the window, otherwise we would be talking about the half-face gone scenario.)

But I didn't do any of those things. I just sat there with my heart beating 100 times per second, if that's even possible. I knew it wasn't my sister because she would have called out my name, and I tried not make a sound, as it would give away my location to the intruder because well, he might have brought an axe and I would have made it too easy for him to use it!

['Ah, maybe there's noone in this flat afterall, let me just go out and try another floor. OH WAIT! There's a hopeless girl's voice from the BEDROOM over there!']

I mean, here's the thing. A girl of a certain age, living on her own...with no protection, not even a lock to the door! And no sharp object in sight! The only thing in my room I could probably use as a weapon was..I don't know, my bedside lamp? I foresee that wouldn't do much damage to Mr. Axe at all. Maybe my hair curler? Yeah, turn it on full heat and smack him with it right on his face.

However, I thought none of this at that time, and I did nothing, I probably even held my breath. I was sure the intruder could smell my presence (and fear) and pop his head sometime soon. I was mortified! After a minute (although it seemed like an eternity and more), there was still nothing happening, and I braved myself, tiptoeing outside and checking every room in the house. Noone. Mr. Axe slash Intruder was just all in my head, but holy cow, it scared the living shite out of me I almost wetted my pants.

After the incident, or rather, the non-existent incident, I mentally reminded myself to always open my bedroom door, at least during the day, so I wouldn't totally shut myself out from the outside world, and my sister would find me before half my face is gone.

I'm amused, that's the morale of the story? Shouldn't I be thinking about using a lock?? Getting something more useful than...a curling iron??

Or maybe I should check myself to a clinic, because I'm sure 'hallucinating', and 'paranoia' are not good. In whichever universe.

Beautiful Lyrics

" My yesterdays are all boxed up and neatly put away
But every now and then you come to mind
Cause you were always waiting to be picked to play the game
But when your name was called, you found a place to hide
When you knew that I was always on your side

Well everything was easy then, so sweet and innocent
But your demons and your angels reappeared
Leavin' all the traces of the man you thought you'd be
Leavin' me with no place left to go from here
Leavin' me so many questions all these years

But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally
This isn't how it's really meant to be
No it isn't how it's really meant to be

Well they say that love is in the air, but never is it clear,
How to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly, and so they fly away
And I'm left to carry on and wonder why
Even through it all, I'm always on your side "

Love/Hate

They say the opposite of love isn't hate. It's indifference.

When you spend time either loving or hating someone, that means you still care.

I thought I was so beyond it, unaffected, indifferent. I could look at you and wish you all the best although I was no longer involved in your plan, in the big picture.

It hit me a few days ago, that I apparently can't be fully indifferent yet. And it's like opening up a can of worms because the realization confronts me with questions. What does it all mean?

Call me self-destructive. I have been repressed for days and I need to say it. I do not wish for anything else but a validation, an opportunity to express my true feelings because that's how I am. Slightly neurotic.

I need to be honest with myself today, and that's all I want to do. There will be no other parties involved. Just me.

Uncle and Aunt in Town

Hey guys! So this is the first entry of the new month, wooo! Are you excited? Are you, are you, are you, are you??

I feel like I need to write something good to commemorade this moment, but I'm afraid this is gonna be a short post. It's only 10 pm now but I've had a long day. My favorite uncle and aunt are in town, so I've spent the whole day today with them from Changi, Simei, Orchard, Clarke Quay to City Hall.

We had lunch at Food Republica in Wisma Atria, and a really great dinner at Shokudo in Raffles City Mall. I actually shouldn't eat that much (I'm officially on diet!) but well, I had salad! (plus pizza, omellette, and etc etc), but at leat I had my greens. Right? Fine, I'm in denial. I started drinking vegetable juice too, although in theory (and principle), drinking something green is just wrong!

Okay, now it's Friday, 9.34 am and yesterday went by like a breeze 'cos I was out with my aunt and uncle the whole day too. I'm so glad to spend time with them, in a way, my aunt becomes a sort of a mother figure to me, because she's Mom's sister and they're alike in so many ways. My aunt and uncle are very kind, warm people and I'm extremely blessed to have them in my life.

Yesterday morning we went to the hospital for my uncle's surgery. It sounded scary, but actually the surgery was a mild one. Still, though, the word surgery itself sent me off the roof, and it was like, opening up a whole box of bad memories I would rather forget. But, the good part is, it wasn't serious and everything went well. The procedure only took half an hour, and by noon we already left the hospital and moved on with our lives. I'd be very happy not to ever step a toe in a hospital every again.

I am never good with consoling people. It's funny 'cos I'd like to think that I'm good with people most of the time. Yet, throw me in a sensitive scenario and I find myself unable to think of something meaningful to say. Making jokes seem very inappropriate, yet talking about the problem brings no good either. Now I'm just glad that it's over and hopefully that'd be the end of it.

The day went great after that. We had lunch and stopped by the apartment where they stayed, and just hung out and talked. In the evening we went to Orchard and met my sister there. My uncle tried MOS burger and we had sushi dinner at Sushi Tei in Taka.

My right eye started to act up ever since the evening, for some reason it just got red and because we were out the whole day, I couldn't just take off my lense. I braced through it until I got home at 10.30 pm and by the time I took it off, my eye got significantly redder and swollen too. It's annoying! We were supposed to have lunch this afternoon before my aunt and uncle fly back to Jakarta today.

"Well, you wanna just wear an eye-patch to lunch later then?" my sister asked sweetly when I told her I may not be able to join her later if my eye doesn't get any better. Eye patch?!! Is she kidding? I've never seen anyone wear eye patch in real life apart from bad pirate movies.

I hope it gets better soon, cos it's 10 now and I better go and take a shower if I ever want to go. Well guys, I'll see you around. Have a great day!