Welcome!: Another Eventful Week

Saturday, 11 October 2008

Another Eventful Week

What a week!!

Am so glad it's weekend, but I know it's going to be over way too soon! Been such a busy and hectic week with all its roller-coaster ride, I was happy, I was down, I was angry, I was giddy, I was shy, I was chirpy, I met new people, I was sick and I didn't care!

Last Friday I woke up with an aching burning throat that hurt everytime I swallow. Now this isn't such an unusual phenomenon, normally it would go away after I drink lots of water and take my meal. Yesterday I expected the same thing and went to work. All day I was sneezing and my nose was running unattractively like mad. One of my colleague was nice enough to look at me and say, "You don't look so well.." Oh gee, thanks! Of course yesterday had to be one of the busiest day and I had to do different things all at once and in the middle of those sneezing and those peeing (because I kept drinking water), the work wasn't getting much easier. I didn't even have time to have a relaxing lunch, instead I ran to the nearest restaurant, ate my food like my life depended on it, and rushed back to the office. Everything only took less than half an hour, and for someone who usually eats in a slo-mo, I consider that quite an achievement.

Against my better judgment, even after the lunch and the water, I wasn't feeling better. But taking a half day off wasn't an option and finally I got through it, thinking that I would just go home and bloody sleep. Maybe it was just all fatigue and all I needed was rest. But of course a friend had to IM me and ask if I felt like going out. Well, yes, I do, I thought. My sister was working OT last night and if I went home, I would just...be there on my own. Anyway he and I ended up catching a movie, taking a walk and drinking at a bar.

Of course I didn't drink beer, I was such a good girl I ordered hot coffee. Oh, heavenly.

But yesterday was one of the most fun night I've had recently. I still couldn't stop sneezing, it's amazing how my friend still had the gut to be within 5 feet away from me, but just for that reason, bless him.

The live music was great, and people were dancing salsa down on the floor, I felt so charged I wanted to join in but I knew zero salsa step and I just wasn't high enough. Ha! Oh, and everybody must watch Burn After Reading, that's what we saw last night and it was so hilarious! Everyone, and I mean, everyone, just performed so great in it! Seeing George Clooney and Brad Pitt in slightly different roles were so amazing and they're damn good. John Malkovich too, was perfect for that role. I couldn't stop laughing seeing Brad Pitt and his 'SHIT!', 'Osbourne Cocks' line! Well, it's actually COX, but hey, it's pronounced the same!

Anyway I feel like I'm in a set of those 'Serendipity' type film. The story was actually kinda funny, I met a guy in the elevator of my apartment a few days ago in the morning when I went out for work. He chatted me up and we ended up walking to the tube together and talking the entire journey, his office happened to be in just one train stop after mine. It may sound cheesy, but I enjoyed talking to the guy and he surprised me by having this perfect english accent. Well, you know how in movies people keep meeting by accident and shit? Come to think of it, I think I did meet this guy once before too, but it was a long time ago and we only exchanged a few words. So, to the man, nice talking to you dude!

So, to a less exciting news, I'm so utterly, completely broke right now. Like, really. I can't believe how much I have spent just going out and taking cabs, even just for daily transportation. You know, bus and shit. Food and drinks and shit. My god, I'm so staying home today, in fact, I'm going to just eat instant noodles for the entire weekend! Hmpfh!

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Quotes

There's a hundred million different ways of writing, and it takes you a long time to sort through that stuff. And I think it takes anyone a long time to find a voice.

You must learn to take the good with the bad, the happy with the sad, love what you’ve got and remember what you had. Learn to forgive, but never forget, learn from your mistakes but never regret. People change and things go wrong, but you just have to remember that life goes on.

The day before I’m supposed to be meeting Caroline for a drink, I develop all the textbook symptoms of a crush: nervous stomach, long periods spent daydreaming, an inability to remember what she looks like. I can bring back the dress and the boots, and I can see her bangs, but her face is a blank.

I don't know, I think that if I could just accept the fact that my life is supposed to be difficult. You know, that's what to be expected, then I might not get so pissed-off about it and I'll just be glad when something nice happens.

I can see now I never really committed to Laura. I always had one foot out the door, and that prevented me from doing a lot of things, like thinking about my future and... I guess it made more sense to commit to nothing, keep my options open. And that's suicide. By tiny, tiny increments.

There's a big fucking world out there. It's messy, and it's chaotic, and it's never, never ever the thing you'd expect. It is ok to be scared, but you cannot allow your fears to turn you into an asshole, not when it comes to the people that love you, the people that need you.

Maybe what I'm saying is, is the world might be evolving the way a person evolves. Right? Like, I mean, me for example. Am I getting worse? Am I improving? I don't know. When I was younger, I was healthier, but I was, uh, whacked with insecurity, you know? Now I'm older and my problems are deeper, but I'm more equipped to handle them.

I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who's ever lived: I've loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough.

Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.

A woman needs to be held, even, and science has shown this, if its with someone she doesn't care about. Protective hormones are released, and the amount of hormones released depends on the degree to which she is held. The first and best is the complete surround. He wraps you in both arms, whispers how beautiful you are. Second best is the 'arm around.' He is next to you but with one arm around you. Third is he's just next to you on his elbow, but he rests his hand on your stomach and looks at you. Fourth is you snuggling up to him with your head on his chest, while he looks away into space. But when the first best happens, you feel completely, wonderfully like a woman.

So, so what, so fuck off, go home, leave you alone? I'll tell you something Paul, there isn't anything that I've wanted for eighteen years, cause I was a kid eighteen years ago. And if I did still want the same things I'd think I'd gone wrong somewhere, because actually I don't want to marry David Cassidy, I don't want bigger tits, I don't want to do better on my marks. I've stopped worrying about that kind of thing and maybe you should try.

Well maybe there's a big bit of you that's gone missing somewhere, maybe everyone should want something they've always wanted.

Why is it that adults aren't supposed to go mad about anything? You gotta keep a lid on it. And if you don't then people are apparently entitled to say what they like. "You haven't grown up. You're a moron. Your conversation is trivial and boorish. You can't express your emotional needs. You can't relate to your children." And you die, lonely and miserable. But you know, what the hell, every cloud has a silver lining.

I just woke up one morning and didn't feel the same way. Where did it go? It was like there had been a lot of food on a plate in front of us, and we ate it all really quickly, and then there was nothing left. Maybe that's how couples stay together: they're not greedy. They know that what they have in front of them has to last a long time, so they kind of pick at it. I hope it's not like that, though. I hope that when people are happy together, it feels as though someone keeps piling seconds and thirds on their plates.

That is what I have learned: Sex is destructive. Love is nothing to be fooled with. I learned that I was dangerous, not to be trusted. I wondered if my parents were right, with all of their stiff lovelessness. Maybe they knew better. My parents don't dole out love for the deserving or the undeserving. I was learning that love could cost me.

You could say all you liked about reason and logic and common sense and imagination, but when the chips were down, the one skill you needed was the ability to think about absolutely nothing whatsoever.

There is a comfort in never making an effort, but it's a lonely comfort. What keeps you going is the knowledge that you're only playing with only four cards showing. But when you see other people succeeding with their mediocre hands, you have to make a decision. If you turn over that final card you're certain of victory, but it also means you have nothing in reserve.

I’d gone through life believing in the strength and competence of others; never in my own. Now, dazzled, I discovered that my capacities were real. It was like finding a fortune in the lining of an old coat.

Maybe we all live life at too high a pitch, those of us who absorb emotional things all day, and as mere consequence we can never feel merely content: we have to be unhappy, or ecstatically, head-over-heels happy, and those states are difficult to achieve within a stable, solid relationship.