Friday, 9 October 2009

memories of you

So I was on my way back a couple of nights ago after a movie-night with my friend, and I was just on the bus, quiet and empty because it was late. Bored, I took out my phone and started playing with it. I have about 158 messages in my inbox now, as we speak, and probably about a hundred of them were old messages.

The oldest was dated January 23, 2007, followed by a couple texts from the same year and last year, but there are a handful of messages from early this year that I haven't managed to delete. To be fair, I would still have a lot more old messages than that if I didn't change my phone the beginning of this year, so in result I lost a lot of messages which otherwise I would still keep.

Why, you ask? Call me sentimental, I just have a habit of not deleting nice messages, however old they may be. And not just text messages, I have a lot of letters, gifts, photos from eons ago that I still cherish to this day too. But text messages are the easiest to store and to look back on. Ask me if you can borrow my brand new, expensive shoes that I haven't even worn before, and I would gladly let you. But ask me to delete one message from old friend I have lost contact with (who probably has forgotten my name, face, and wouldn't care shit whether I'm still alive or not), and I wouldn't be able to.

Seriously, though, why? I don't know, why do you ask me back? I'm supposed to ask you for answers. But, going back to a few nights ago, yeah, I was in the bus and I started reading old messages from one particular person. I got really close to this person for many months, but now we hardly talk at all. The messages brought melancholic smile to my face, because they reminded me of a lot of things we shared and time we spent together and all of those are precious. These messages symbolized memories, and I think I could still remember where I was or what I was feeling at the exact time I got these messages. I couldn't help but reminiscing.

I was so engrossed, and I was slightly daydreaming, I guess, because the next thing I knew, I have alighted the bus even when it wasn't my stop yet. As soon as I got off, I realized. I still had a few more bus stops to go, but at that state, I didn't really mind the walk, so I did. It was quite a distance but I felt nice somehow. And the air was cool, there were hardly any noises, so after I've hungrily read all the messages until there were no more texts to read (the last one I still remember, I was at the airport on my way back to Jakarta, and you thanked me for every moments we spent together, and that you wouldn't ever forget me. Sure, words are cheap, aren't they?), I put on the headphone and blasted on the music as I made my way home.

I know, to look at it positively, I should just be glad that I have all these memories and wonderful times, and of course I am. Memory is a wonderful thing if you don't have to deal with the past, right? Why can't I look at everything as just a great memory, without anything else entails? There needn't be a follow-up, or a continuation. Instead, this is the end of the story, with just all the good stuffs. Wouldn't that make everyone happier?

And knowing that it's out there, at least something, or someone, who has been able to make me feel that way, make me experience the day-to-day happiness from the simplest gestures and the simplest phone calls everyday, that is precious. It reminds me that we shouldn't settle for anything less.

I'm not even talking about relationships, or love, because they're too cheesy and forced, we can call it whatever we want. I'm saying, that yes, some people in our lives are just meant to pass us by, so when we look back, I hope instead of being sad, we can really just be happy for their presence while it lasts. I know it's hard, I'm still learning too.

Having said that, still I don't think I will erase these old messages anytime soon because they help me remember something's out there.

No comments: