I may be imperfect, but I'm perfectly me.

Growing up is a funny thing. And let me tell you why.

You remember when we were small at how we all used to write things in our tiny little secretive journals? How we made everyone swear in the name of their most valuables that they would never take a peek into our diaries because oh, what we wrote was so scandalous and juicy? Yep, even when the most exciting thing in our lives that we could write about was our secret crush on the boy next door? No, not the gardener, this isn’t Desperate Housewives, please. Anyway, you know, that sort of thing?

Well, I was one of those people. Even as a child, I was a diary-junkie. I kept journals, in fact, a whole lot of them because I would get bored of writing in the same diary for a long period of time so after like, a month or so of writing almost everyday in the same book, I would get that itch to buy another one and start new in those fresh untouched papers and that’s the vicious cycle. I know, short attention span, right? Well, okay, so the old diaries (and every one of them all became old eventually) were always put to waste because they weren’t even full yet. Being somewhat of a geek, I’ve always loved stationary and the best shopping spree ever to me was buying sets of new colorful pens and organizers. Hey, there are a lot worse addictions out there, okay! Pens are so less harmful, and at least they’re cheap! My dad wouldn’t have headache this often if my obsession now is only limited to papers and pencils. So, anyway, I had up to ten journals and rereading all those entries again when I’m at least eight years older (much less-dramatic and more realistic, I hope) is amusing and embarrassing at the same time.

In addition to being an ungrateful spoiled little brat (for wasting papers and therefore, contributing towards the early stage of global warming), I was also a complete list-freak. I would make a list of everything I could possibly make a list out. And I couldn’t just do that in mind, I had to write them all and perhaps I did that because I just loved to write too much so everything I felt had to be written down, I don’t know. Or maybe I was just simply a freak who has some kind of compulsive disorder. Well, anyway, I re-opened all my journals, and the oldest that I could find was from 1999 and I couldn’t believe how funny I sounded! I listed everything, from all the books I owned (as if I wanted to open a library or something), magazines, cassettes, favorite film characters, television shows, and oh geez, I’m so ashamed, top three guys whom I wanted to marry in the future.

I wrote all sorts of ridiculous things, but reading all of these again reminds me of how naïve and free and innocent I was. Okay, maybe not so innocent since I have been thinking of marrying someone when I was only, what, 12?

I guess in a way I forgot about that. I forgot about the way I used to be, the way I used to think and write, the way I used to feel. I forgot about how crazy I was towards The X-Files (okay, David Duchovny in specific), and Joshua Jackson, and Hewitt the tennis player, and Seifer from Final Fantasy, and Brian from the Backstreet Boys; I forgot how obsessive I got to comic books and Sweet Valley novels; I forgot how nauseatingly girly I got when I had crush on the boy next door (seriously, he has the fairest thigh I have ever seen! Oops, not that I have seen a lot. How could I get to take a look at his thigh? Oh chill, it was a coincidence, he just happened to appear in shorts when I happened to drop by to his house, okay, Completely and utterly coincidental. Geez, I was 17.) I had a lot of funny thoughts that I expressed in writings and now, years from then, it's hard to believe it was me who wrote these all.

But at the same time, it's almost like I could still understand it somehow. Even though I couldn’t put a finger as to why I could get so engrossed to certain things, I could understand, almost remember, that they were indeed very important at one point in my life.

It seemed like a long time ago but then again, maybe not so much. I guess I can still be that dramatic sometimes, it’s just the subject of my obsession is more justifiable now. Is it, really? Well, it’s funny that no matter how older you become, deep inside you’re still the same. I mean, okay, so I was obsessed with comics when I was 14 and I’m not anymore, but do I still like comics? Sure, I still read comics from time to time, the difference is just if there aren’t any, I wouldn’t go looking for it, and I sure wouldn’t spend all my pocket money on them like I used to.

And yeah, I might be crazily in love with Joshua Jackson and David Duchovny back in time, but do I still think they are good-looking now? Sure. I wouldn’t say, “Oh my goodness, they scared the beejezus out of me!” but I wouldn’t go around looking for their posters anymore. You know what I mean? Come to think of it, my interests are still the same, it’s just that the comic books are replaced by novels; and television series with only bunch of good looking actors are substituted by movies and series with good story lines.

I would still watch Buffy and think that it’s good, but I wouldn’t think the world is going to fall on me if I miss just one episode. And I still like writing in colorful pens, it’s just that I have so many leftovers I don’t feel the overwhelming urge to buy new ones just yet, unlike that time when I was in high school that I just kept buying and buying until my pencil case was the size of pregnant stomach of a cow and everyone in class could just borrow pens from me and I still had enough to sell and use the money to buy candies to feed the entire third world countries.

And I'm certainly still a little list-freak and an ever bigger stationery and writing-nerd.

So yeah. Does this all make sense? I guess there's a line in Before Sunset when one of the character says, "Nothing in the world could change our disposition". I mean, the basic nature of a person. There's another quote that says, "On the whole, the happiest people seem to be those who have no particular cause for being happy except that they are so." I believe that we don't really change that much at all.

I worry I've been writing too much already, so forgive me. I'm kinda thinking out loud and yeah, it's very interesting, don't you think? You've outgrown yourself in a lot of ways, but in essentials, in your most basic nature, you are almost exactly the same.

no crying over spilled milk.

I have given you plenty of chances and extended a hand if you ever needed it.

But to be honest, I’m getting a little tired. Besides, it shouldn't be this hard.

I probably will never understand why, but maybe that’s alright.

You've made it perfectly clear anyway.

I’d rather focus on the people who think that I’m important in their lives.

I’d rather surround myself with those who don’t mind squeezing me in.

You’re not here but it’s okay.

And just so you know, the next move is yours.

On to the next..

Don't you just love the feeling of accomplishment after another job well-done?

I came across this quote by Douglas Adams that I couldn't agree more! He says, "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."

And it's so true! I was involved in this event at work and we've all been working hard and lots of stress and pressure were on us as the big day approached. I remember going there to do all the preparation and thinking, "man, I just wanna get this over with." My supervisor sarcastically said, "I think I'll only get my appetite back after this whole thing is over," when someone offered her food.

It was our responsibility to make sure everything ran smoothly, and so many last-minute details were made, just adding to the mount of pressure. The day itself was so hectic that I couldn't stop for a minute to enjoy the event. You know, after all I'm still learning and all.

But finally, it was over and perhaps at that time, I could only think about how tired I was, and how I couldn't wait to go back home and get a long hard sleep. Yeah, of course we were all tired, but there's another sense of relief and satisfaction too, in a way. After which, we all treated ourselves to some food and it was like, 'okay, we've made this happen. Now on to the next project..'

Which is how I like it. I mean, I think we all love deadlines for the fact that we know that by then, everything would be over. It's what keeps us going, I guess. We won't be stuck in one thing for too long, and there's always another new thing waiting after we're finished with one.

I feel like I'm a part of something now, and it's a good feeling I'd rather keep for now. After a few months working, it's hard to imagine myself not doing anything. Although I do moan a lot about it sometimes, generally it's because working is physically tiring. But I really enjoy the work itself, especially that feeling we get for having worked hard for something and really seeing it happening.

I hope the feeling stays.

Missing You

I want you to notice when I’m not around. ♥

A Quick One =)

Really sorry!! I have no time to update this! Stick around, please. I'll get something done over the weekend, hopefully.

In the mean time, happy mid-week, everyone! I'm quite excited that my dad is coming tomorrow, I kinda miss the big guy. And I have an exciting project at work at the moment. Plus, this Saturday a few colleagues and I are covering a story for the website. In short, I'm pumped!

Gonna leave you guys with a quote:

Now and then it’s good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy. ♥

Remember, it always seems impossible until it is done.

TGIF!

Fun party night at our favorite club, Attica.

A friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be.

The Truths about Geeks!

So I came across this the other day and I couldn't not share! Not only do I agree with the things said there, but they're forgetting one important point: that geeks are hot! Who can resist those black-rimmed glasses? (Okay, I may be the only one..Damn.)

Enjoy anyway!

Why Geeks Make Good Lovers

One of the Universal Truths that lie just beyond the fabric of modern society is the axiom that geeks, along with nerds and other peoples who overinvest in intelligence but boast underdeveloped social skills, make the best lovers. Once people realize this, the sexual revolution that will sweep through western culture will make the seventies look like the fifties, and I’m not talking about wider pants. The reasons why geeks are unparalleled as lovers are simple and many:

Geeks don’t sleep around. Geeks, through their higher IQ and therefore greater understanding of the tragedy of human condition, know that the dice only seem to have more sides on the other side of the table. Hence, they instinctively stay loyal to their lovers through thick and thin. Their social skills are also not well developed enough to support an affair, and frankly, geeks generally aren’t quite sure how they ended up with the lover they have attracted. When you date a geek, you know the geek will be yours until you are done.

Geeks are good at the things they try. When’s the last time you met a geek who didn’t have some secret skill just simmering below the surface of a simple-seeming life, honed in the wee hours of the night? It could be hacking, playing video games, or the ability to insert and remove those stupid computer power plug things from drives without cursing or breaking a finger. Let sex become their new favorite late-night hobby, and you know that a geek won’t quit until he or she has learned how to hack into your brainstem through specific genitalia interfacing in parallel with general dermal and oral bonding.

Geeks are not interested in status. Geeks became geeks because they chose to spend their time doing things that would not necessarily make them popular with everyone else in school, like sports and fashion. The ability to resist peer pressure is important to a geek. This means that a geek is more interested in their or your happiness than looking good to others, which will come in handy when either (a) you need attention, in any sort ranging from the nurturing to the lascivious, and also, because both of those things are not necessarily unorthagonal dimensions, any combination of the two, or (b) you need to be rescued because it is the climax of a teen 80’s movie. Or both.

Geeks haven’t formed bad habits. After years of serially dating lots of other women, many socially successful guys have become too confident to be intimate, think of women only for sex, and don’t have any intention of letting what in their minds is “just another girlfriend” enjoy the last spring roll. Let us not even pry into the diabolical, dark, twisted, and depraved mind of the girl who has serially dated many men. None of this is true of the geek, however. The lack of past romantic partners allows the geek to approach lovers with the zest of the neophyte. Geeks are not full of romantic confidence; however, once coaxed from their emotional holes like tame bunnies, they are eager to please and enjoy their newfound relationship.

Geeks can concentrate. Geeks can focus their energy on one task with the intensity of a hunting cheetah. Granted, the task they are focusing on may have more to do with hunting orcs with a +1 Sword of Piercing rather than hunting gazelles with claws, but the fact remains that a geek, once set upon a task and given Mountain Dew, becomes a tireless slave to their goal. Put a six-pack of Dew on the bedside table and a geek between the sheets, and you have found yourself one relentless lover. When’s the last time all night actually meant all night? When’s the last time you were with someone who, if they needed more of the night, knew how to get it?

Geeks have excellent finger dexterity. Geeks roll dice. Geeks play video games. Geeks flip pages in books. Geeks type a lot, and use characters like ~ and ^ and | that no one else has any use for. Geeks use calculators in postfix notation. As a result, a geek knows how to use his or her fingers to greatest possible effect. Whether you have a button that needs pushing or a joystick that needs joy, a geek is the person for the job.

Geeks have imagination. Once you have found your amazing lover, you wouldn’t want things to become boring. That is where geeks prove their real worth. Replayability is important to the value-conscious video-game playing geek, and this translates to relationships as well. Wouldn’t you want to date someone who has created a Quake 3 mod? Wouldn’t you want to date someone who has written steamy Everquest fan fiction involving elven incest? Wouldn’t you want to date someone who wished they were Morpheus rather than someone who wished they were Barry Bonds?

There are plenty of other reasons why geeks are the best lovers around, but don’t just take my word for it. Find the nearest sexy geek and coax that person into asking you out, even if you have to do so using instant messanger. Remember: the only non-sexy geek is a single geek.

Quote of the Day

"You are everything I want cause you are everything I'm not."

twitterific!

Wow, I've had 1800 tweets! I don't know if you can see that from this tiny picture, but yeah.

I'm quite a Twitter addict if you haven't known that already! I made new friends from here, and it's a great way to stay in touch with your old ones. So if you happen to be out there....:)

Done.

You know how easy it is for people to make promises? Why, don't they mean anything anymore? You think you are the only one who gets to feel?

Just save your sweet words, I need not be a part of it anymore.

I know what I did last night =)

Hi all! I wanna blog about the great day we had yesterday at East Coast! Anyway, we were all in dire need of physical exercise. I've probably ballooned for a few more kgs ever since I started working and thus, stopped running and working out.

Not saying that a day in the beach last evening has made up for any of my extreme pigginess for the past 2 months, but hey, at least it was something. (you all must love me for my positiveness, right?)

Started the day by going out for lunch. We figured it wasn't wise to head over to the beach when it was scorching hot out. And it was hot like an oven. Forecast said it would be a sunny day, definitely a good day to spend cycling under the sun.

This was us on our way out to lunch. We did some grocery shopping too afterwards, and the supermarket was super packed! The queues for the cashiers were like the longest snake you could ever think of. Chinese people really do take their lunar new year seriously. I know we are chinese too by race, but I feel so out of touch with my roots that I almost feel like a traitor to the culture or something.

Both my sisters in purple.

At about 4ish pm and the sun looked a little kinder, we set out to East Coast! I was so excited because..well, I'm always happy with anything involving beach and the ocean. (I should be a Leo instead of a Capricorn, don't you think?)

I was slightly nervous though, because the last time I went cycling with friends, I failed...miserably. I haven't been on the bike for so long, and I thought I could easily pick up where I left off. There's a saying "it's just like riding a bike" for a reason, isn't it?

But long story short, I was on the bike for probably 5 seconds before I pointed it straight to the tree and I fell. It didn't hurt more than it embarrassed my soul. For the rest of the evening, I pathetically rode behind my friend in a tandem bike. What a total loser!

And so we arrived at the beach! The smell of the ocean excited me, I was back to being 14 years old in the presence of such beauty. I was singing along until this came!

The bike that once defeated me. Now it was time for my redemption! Revenge! I must conquer this bike and I wouldn't stop otherwise! My little sister, Meli, was learning how to ride a bike there too, because apparently to my surprise, she didn't know how to.

My cousin was patiently teaching her while I was circling around in my bike too to test the water. I started out shaky and my hands were trembling, making the bike unstable. But I finally got the hang of it, and after a while, it was no problemo! Wooooo, so happy!

After the warm-up, off we went to cycle away! Loads of people were there, building camps and tents, having BBQs, walking their dogs, jogging, playing skateboards and merely just sitting around to enjoy the scenery. It was truly an idyllic evening. I was over the moon!

At the pier, the furthest our bikes could go. We went cycling for two hours, and as you could see, we had sweat all over our faces.

"We did it!"

It has been an awesome evening, but then we were hungry! Off we went to this place my colleague recommended once. The place was in the middle of nowhere, but it had famous spicy chicken wings in various levels. My colleague said she tried level 5 and nearly died. She said she had flashes.

Anyway, we ended up trying level 3 and 4 and if we weren't already full, we would have tried the next few levels, because level 4 was still okay for us. But we ordered pizza as well, and we were stuffed! Next time we definitely wanna try level 5 onwards.

I loved the bar though, it had that homey, intimate feel to it. And it was funny when I ordered a beer, the waiter came back to me and asked about my age, rather shyly. I answered, "23" and asked, "how old do you think I am?" He laughed before saying, "16..."

I didn't know if it was a compliment or not, but really, it's one thing to look young, it's quite another to look underage! I was almost insulted! But then I took a sip of that Hoegaarden and I was content. Ha!

Now a full and happy bunch.

What a Saturday! If only everyday could be spent like this. :)

In Black and White ♥

The skyline of New York is a monument of a splendour that no pyramids or palaces will ever equal or approach.

Confession

9:40 pm and I just got back from work. I'm bloody tired but somehow still feel like writing and telling you guys something. Partly because out of guilt because I've been neglecting this space for a while, and I do have conscience, you know.

Well, anyway, let's just begin by saying that my friends would probably mock me endlessly if they somehow find out about this. They will say 'I told you so' to my face and I won't have a smart response to shut them up. So I guess I'm losing.

You know how during the first few years of my stay here, I somehow always found myself in trouble with the Indians? I can recall uncountable times when Indians approached me in the most unlikely places (train, middle of the street, library, and so on.)

I was mostly alone in all these occasions which further terrified me even more, especially during my first year here. My friends found this amusing, though. They started teasing that I had what they called 'The Indian Curse'. Some even 'meaner' friends also came up with a hypothesis that perhaps I do share the same uhm, natural smell as them, and that smell was what attracted them to me.

My naive 19 years old-self almost believed this at one point, and was afraid to go out of the house. It was fine if these Indians just approached me to ask for the direction, goodness. But they came off borderline scary. One was following me around and tricked me into having lunch with him!

Okay, anyway that was a little background information. I'm happy to announce though, that lately the 'curse' seems to have left me, and once again I feel so safe! And then something happened.

I have a little crush on an Indian!

Yes, this is the time when my friends would laugh and mock me endlessly if only they were here. Thank goodness they weren't.

I don't even know this person, okay! The story is, I go on a bus to work at exactly the same time every morning because I have the bus schedule memorized already. It would always depart from that stop at exactly 9 am.

Well, this particular Indian gentleman seems to have memorized the same schedule as well, and thus, I almost always see him every morning boarding the same bus. Difference is just he alighted at a few stops after. Anyway, seriously, he looks so good in his formal wear, plus he's tall (which is my weak-point, aside from black-rimmed glasses).

Insert: WOW!

But of course I've never talked to the guy. I doubt he even noticed I was there! Maybe I should give him some obvious hints, but oh my gosh, never thought I could spot a good-looking Indian, especially since I've been kinda terrified at them for so long.

Okay, this is slightly embarrassing, isn't it? I guess I finally believe that saying 'never say never!' Bites me right in the arse.

Loss

I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken - and I’d rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived.

twinkle twinkle stars in the violet sky.

A few pictures from Singapore Airshow 2010. It was such a rush, I long for the sight of a tiny plane against the intense blue sky and fluffy white clouds.



I think that what we're seeking is an experience of being alive.

Pleasantly ordinary

Am listening to Lady Antebellum's 'Need You Now' over and over again. David Choi did an accoustic cover of that song which is really beautiful.

It's been a real pleasant Saturday. Sis and I just got back from a BBQ of her former MIT friends, and tomorrow morning we're going for the Singapore airshow, which is a first for me! But I heard it's gonna be really, really packed and hot so I'm preparing shorts, hat and sunglasses for the occasion. ;)

♥ Another shot of whiskey, can’t stop looking at the door.

Wishing you’d come sweeping in the way you did before.

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind. ♥

Good night, folks!

Far away

Probably one of my favorite spot in Batam, where I could just stand there and overlook Singapore from afar!

Can you spot the Marina casino, or even Singapore Flyer?

Okay, my camera couldn't do justice, but I was so happy (being a sucker for city's skyline!) Plus, the ocean and everything. Truly a sight you can't see everyday.

♥ ♥

what it was.

"Sometimes when you look back on a relationship, you realize it wasn't all you thought it was. Someone walked into your life, you fell in love, or did you? Maybe it was only a childish infatuation. Or maybe it was a brief moment of insanity."

Ode to my oldest friend!

I'm back to civilization! Well okay, not that I've been gone to the jungle or anything, but I went to Batam for a few days to meet a friend of mine, and I had a really nice time! I've never been there before, and I imagined a hectic mess just like Jakarta, but it wasn't like that at all. In fact, it was so calm and relaxing. It's like being home without actually being home, you get what I mean?

Um, no? Oh well. Sorry. I'm not too good at being descriptive.

But I did some awesome shoppings (currency exchange FTW!) and most importantly, I got to catch up with my friend, who has been a friend since I was, what, 4? No, seriously. She and I were kindergarten friends, and we went to the same elementary school, where we got really close at one point for years. Our junior and senior high school were different, so we didn't get to see each other that much at all, and it was even worse during university because I moved to Singapore.

But well, Facebook got us back in touch again and it was incredibly nice of her to let me crash at her place, and she chaperoned me throughout my trip (read: kept me well-fed at all times) and it was so nice to know that we haven't changed much at all. We still get along great, and to think that she's probably my oldest friend ever, is just amazing!

Go hug a friend beside you now because I'm feeling mushy!

Looking back

Did you ever do this, you think back on all the times you’ve had with someone and you just replay it in your head over and over again and you look for those first signs of trouble?