Roadblock

This blog has been pretty much abandoned these days, and I wonder whether life has been much too demanding for me not to be able to sit here and scribble all my daily thoughts anymore like I used to. It's unnerving, the realization was disturbing, it's like a part of me was missing, and I didn't even notice it's gone. For days I don't even have the slightest urge to write and to share things, or even just to ramble incoherently. I'm not sure I like the change.

For years I've always known what I wanna do. My passion has been plastered onto my forehead so everyone could see, and that part has always been so obvious. I manuevered myself through the years knowing I had an objective in mind, and eventhough I haven't known how to get there, the part of what I wanna do was very much clear.

I'm the kind of person who can't do the same thing for a long period of time. Through writing I thought I never have to face that obstacle because there are always new experiences and new ideas to write about, new lessons to learn and new moral to get across. You can't replicate the exact same thing twice in writing, and there are endless possibilities in which you can be creative just upon the same topic. And that's what I love about writing. The ability for me to fully convey whatever it is I wanna say, the option is entirely open.

One time in class, we learnt about how America seemed to lose its frontier during its early age, and how they were completely lost, having had one thing that always distinguished them for the rest, and suddenly finding it gone, and it was the time when it seemed like they have lost their identity. If your life has always been dictated around one thing, can you still move on when that one thing is suddenly snatched away from you?

I feel happiness, the kind of happiness which makes me wanna giggle all day, but I find myself slowly getting away from my usual habit, like spending time writing. Instead, I find myself imagining different things. I'm picturing myself in a different scenario. New adventures and new possibilities, together along with my newfound happiness. And for the first time, these things feel real, like I can actually do things I never imagined I could do. This realization is both terrifying and exciting, scary and thrilling.

I don't know what the future holds of me, and maybe it's an adventure in itself, but I just don't wanna lose my old self in the process. Even when I don't end up being whatever it is I have always pictured myself to be, I still wanna be happy, and I still wanna write, because it is one thing that I have always known myself as, a part of my identity.

So I just wanna remind myself to set aside a little time, even if it's only for a few minutes, not to stop. Because it might be harder to jump back into the train once you're off it. It's easy to be enchanted by the new things, and it's okay to enjoy the new, even to ogle and swoon over it for a while, as long as you don't let go of the old.

Things have been busy for me but still, it shouldn't be an excuse.

Okay, that was some inner thoughts I thought I'd share. In a lighter note, my politics class has ended and now I'm preparing for the exam and assignment, which are really such shit. They are just so much to do and I don't know how I'm gonna handle it. But in the midst of it all, I'm glad I still have the people who actually matter.



A little collage I made out of pictures Babe and I took yesterday at Holland Village. It was truly a great evening, exactly what I needed, the right dose of chat session with my best friend.


The horror! I looked so awful in this, but please bear in mind that we have been out since morning through the jungles in torching heat!

Nothing much else is happening. I've spent the entire afternoon reading my text book titled 'The Conscience of a Liberal' which I guess could be interesting at some parts, but mostly it was just a handfull. I must finish the book in order to do my assignment and it's a pain. I'm not interested in politics to begin with, before this I didn't even have any idea about the difference between Republicans and Democrats (yes, I could die being less ignorant than this), but now I sort of know a thing or two..and three or four.

So...Wish me luck for everything.