Being Unlikely

When you're a gemini, it's easy to make excuse when you behave a little out of the ordinary. "Hey, I'm a gemini, I have split personality," you would say, as if that explains everything. Duh? But when you're a Capricorn like me, and you act differently, suddenly people think you've lost it. What's signs got to do with all of this? (You will be surprised how some people do take this seriously.)

Yesterday was one of those days of change, but unfortunately, I couldn't blame it on the signs. First of all, I managed to arrive quite flawlessy to a foreign place for a job interview. It didn't hit me at all until the manager asked how I got there (by train and I had to take a bus too), and remarked, "Not by cab? Wow, that's impressive."

The idea of people complimenting my navigational skill is a foreign to me as the Artic continent. Highly unlikely.

It was a great interview, and a rather unconventional one, because we had it after office-hour, and I had to rush back to catch..eh wait for this, my yoga class.

I don't normally work out. At all. Period. Sweating makes me incredibly moody and bitchy, and I simply lack the motivation. But since last week, I committed myself to take these yoga classes and I really enjoyed it. Highly unlikely.

But I think this last one is the most surprising, especially for my sister. I hate walking. Okay, not hate, just lazy. I am one lazy bum. I would take a bus everywhere if I could, even if I just wanna go to a place one or two stops away. (Heck, I would take a bus from my room to the living room, if that's possible.) I'm too lazy to walk to Chinese Garden MRT even though it's only a 10-minutes walk, and would rather wait and take a bus to Jurong MRT (which takes longer, and the train is always almost full by then.)

The yoga class made my whole body hurt, but I still felt recharged and excited, so I decided to take a walk. Yeah. I walked to this DVD rental to borrow movies, and this place is like, 6 or 7 stops away, which is not that far by bus standard, but quite a distance if you walk.

I don't know if it was the cool air, the after-yoga effect, or simply me, but suddenly I just had the urge to walk and sweat. I was completely restless. Imagine my sister's surprise when she called me along the way.

"Wait, you're walking back?!!!"

"Yeah, I am."

"But why???" she said, as if I had suggested her to chop her ear.

"Just feel like it."

"Sis, are you...okay??? Are you sick??? Are you feeling okay??" She might as well say, 'Who are you and what have you done to my real sister?' I have to say I was quite wounded.

I convinced her that I was okay, but she still sounded worried and skeptical. This is what happened when you have been lazy your whole life.

I was feeling okay, though. It was weird, when I got back, although it was already almost 11 pm, I swore I still felt like hitting the gym and sweating it out more. But if I do that, I think my sister would really think I'm some alien invading her sister's body and start doing exorcism on me or something.

Have you ever had one of those odd days when you behaved totally unlike yourself? I would be interested to know, do share your thoughts on this and tell your story if you want :)

As for me, I blamed it on my period. Hormones can make you do weird things.

This great hotel website

Movers and shakers of the world!

(Isn't that an empowering opening or what?!)

Some of you are probably wondering (or not), about this big banner right here on my right. Why am I suddenly putting a travel site?

I used to have a lot of family vacations when I was growing up, and it's something I would never trade for anything. The whole experience makes up my childhood, and even though I don't remember much about watching transvestites' shows in Bangkok, crossing the river to Hongkong, and feeding kangaroos in Sydney, I knew we were all there, and everytime we got together, snippets of funny stories from those trips never ceased to make us laugh.

It has been so long since we have one of those family trips, it's harder now to get all of us together now that we're busy with our own things. The next chance we get, it's gonna happen for sure. My dad has been working too hard, and what for? What's the point if he can't even enjoy himself? Take a break once in a while?

The last trip that I've gone was that month-long trip to the States, and I absolutely loved it. It reminds me how much I love travelling in the first place. (also part of why I love The Amazing Race so much.) I think everyone should travel more, and see the world, because there's nothing like it, really.

So when you're all ready to conquer the world, there's still the issue of accomodation. When we already spend much on the plane ticket itself, we sometimes compromise on the hotels. But we shouldn't; it's one of the most important aspect of a trip, because you don't really want to share bathroom with 10 other people in a hostel, or worry about hygene for that matter. My friends and I spent a lot of time choosing hotels for our trip, because we wanted it to be cheap, but still good enough. We compared prices, locations, services from various sites and had to read many reviews before making our decision. It's a lot of hassle.

Well, that's why I'm putting this site here. I came across it the other day and I really wanna share it with you guys. They are offering affordable hotels rates in Asia Pacific region in just one site. Here.

From all around Asia to Australia, it's so easy to find whatever hotels you want under any budgets (from cheaper to more luxurious!) For each country, you can find list of specific locations, and the site will show you all hotels within that area that you want, complete with the map, photos, hotel details, and rates.

(For example, if you click Indonesia, you will be able to see all hotels from each province and island. It really doesn't get any easier than this to plan a trip anywhere.)

I also love the fact that in each location you choose, they provide background information and popular places in the area, which makes it even easier for us to know where to visit!

If I knew about this sooner, I would advise my dad to take a look before he went to Hongkong a few weeks ago. So yeah, I thought I'd share it here, and hopefully some of you find this useful. Here's the website again. Here. Take a look and be inspired. Ha! It certainly makes me wanna pack my bags and leave for Cook Island or something. (Saw that on Survivor!)

In that note, we definitely need a family vacation again.

On a separate note, hope you guys have a great day. I'm gonna blog more later on.

Room

I'm staring at this notebook-sized piece of paper, glued to the wall by cheap tape right in front of my desk, and feeling rather pathetic. I tore the paper out of a journal page, and wrote down dates under each column and called it 'a montly planner.'

Pathetic because, a) I can't even afford a nicer, bigger, and more catchy page to write down my plans in the month, and b) I don't have a proper board to put that on except the wall. The paper is so tiny that even with my super small handwriting, I can only write down probably a few words. Instead of putting down 'latest submission of student's pass application', I just wrote 'std pass.'

'Bring keys for appointment at Suites, 3.30pm', became just 'Suites'.

Pathetic.

I wanted to start being organized again because I'm just excited, really, to have school and things to do. I've had planners but it's not practical. Plastering it in front of my laptop desk is good to prevent me from forgetting anything, although I would like to be able to do more than just write 'curtain' to refer to the plan to compare prices and check out curtains for the new apartment this evening.

When I bought some new things for this room, I had wanted to really decorate it according to my taste and make it mine. I wanted to paint the wall with colour and the inside of the cubicles in which I put my books pink. I also thought of buying a big board where I could put planner, some pictures, memorable notes or buttons. A creative board, I'd call it.

But my 'dream room' has to wait for a little while. Unfortunately, this little piece of paper is all the creativity I've got for now.

The new look and the art of juggling [or the lack of it]

Tada! As you can see, I kinda changed my template for this website, do you notice anything different? Maybe the colour? The font? The size, perhaps? Anyway, I like it. A change right here and there is always good.

I still haven't been able to do the whole self-customized thing, so all I could do just change the template and play around with the font and colour. One day, I really should learn the HTML thing, it's definitely up there on the list alongside 'learn how to juggle'.

No, really. A few weeks ago I was out at a tennis court watching my family play, and the rest of us, the non-sporty ones, were goofing around with the balls, balancing and juggling them in the air. My aunt did it really well, so did my sister and her boyfriend. Well, they wouldn't win any trophies anytime soon, but they could at least make three balls fly in the air. What the *beep* yo?

I tried, for god's sake, I did. But balance is not my thing, and so is navigational skill. Some people just aren't gifted.

How could these people do it so flawlessy? When did it become something in the curriculum? Did I miss anything as a child? My ego was bruised, and I had to tell everyone I was so hungry so we could get out of there immediately. I felt exposed.

Afterwards I thought, juggling is essentially the same thing as multitasking. No wonder I suck at it. Yeah, I was a top student and I won english contest but ask me to write while listening to music, and I wouldn't be able to come up with a single readable sentence. Seriously. That is weird.

So now you know that I can't juggle to save my life, and that I can only work and study in complete silence. Not that these facts are gonna be useful to you in any way.

So anyway, I'm now getting back to my reading mood. I will finish 'The Lovely Bones' by Alice Sebold soon (very good!), and I want to keep going. So, if any of you have book recommendations, please, I will really appreciate it. If not, most probably I will try 'Angels and Demons' since I've seen the movie and in most cases, the books are always much better.

Well, this has been random. Thanks for reading and hope you like the new template too! Good night everyone.

weirdly inviting look?

My sister said my default face looks 'dumb' (thanks, sis, I love you too!), but it mustn't be the case. It must have looked either bored or strangely inviting.

The reason for saying this, and I'm all for science here, meaning everything must have a reason and cause, motive and evidence, is that I learnt about this particular, otherwise meaningless fact about my default face from an interesting chain of events I experienced yesterday.

I was waiting for friends at Bugis, and normally I like browsing around bimbotic magazines in the bookstore while waiting for someone, because just standing waiting, doing nothing seems too sad. But yesterday evening I wasn't in the bimbo mood; on the contrary, I was feeling excited to see Angels and Demons. So I just bought myself a drink, and stood outside. Doing particularly nothing and well, just waiting.

And this was when my default face must have occured.

Within 5 minutes, I was approached by a caucasian couple. From their hats, bermuda shorts and sneakers, I knew they must be tourists. But well, I guess I would have known anyway because of this:

"Excuse me, where is Bugis street?" the husband asked.

I got asked for directions from people and shameful to say, most times I couldn't even help because I possessed no sense of direction whatsoever. One time I even said, "Oh, I'm not sure, I'm new here," even though I have lived here for three-some years.

Shameful.

But yesterday it so happened that Bugis Street is actually just right opposite the road, so for once I smugly replied, "Oh yes, it's just right over there."

They thanked me as if I just saved their whole evening, and I basked in their gratitude. Ehm. Kidding. Of course I'm kidding. It's not a big deal at all. Just giving directions, no sweat.

[Hallelujaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!]

I continued sipping my peach milk tea when just minutes after after, two girls came over and introduced themselves.

"I like your contacts," one girl said, "I've been wanting to use contacts but my eyes are too sensitive."

They proceeded by the usual 'what's your name?', 'are you a student?' and 'are you waiting for someone?' questions before going straight to the point.

"Do you have facebook?"

I must have let out a giggle at this point, because the whole thing was just so funny and random. I told them that, yes, I do have facebook, and yes, I will [maybe..] add you, and yes, I will [a big maybe..] call them if I'm around the area sometime.

They thanked me for my time and friendliness, and I thanked them for, what? I don't know, it just seemed like the polite thing to say. Maybe they just wanna sell me something, and build up some kind of relationship first so I wouldn't say 'no' instantly. Who knows?

After they left, my friend still hasn't arrived yet, and I focused my attention to children playing around in the waterfountain. I always wonder why these parents would let their kids get soaking wet in the middle of the mall, but came up empty.

Suddenly a guy and a girl came approaching, and I simply couldn't believe this! What is it about me that screams "I'm bored! Come talk to me!" ?

After yet another introductionary round, [yeah, 22 is fabulous, but what's the point of the high-five?] he asked if I had time to do some surveys for his assignment.

"Sorry, as soon as my friend comes, we have to rush," I said, well, which is true. I pulled out my most apologetic face.

As soon as he left, I called my friend, feeling desperate, "WHERE. ARE. YOU?!!" Thankfully, my friend arrived just in time before the next insurance-seller, survey-taker, lost-tourists or just-plain-weird-girls come approaching.

Maybe I do have a weirdly-inviting default look. 'Dumb' doesn't seem too bad right now.

annoying neighbour

This morning, at exactly 9:10 am I was rudely and abrupty woken up by a drilling sound.

So much complaints that I can dig up just by reading that sentence, but first thing first: who the hell do drilling work at 9 in the morning?

It wasn't the loud, high-pitched, ear-piercing drilling sound, it was more like this low, consistent type of sound. Drill, nail, drill, nail, drill, nail. It was no less irritating.

Hey, renovating your home is perfectly fine, in fact, I'm encouraging it. If I had extra money I would love to redecorate this place too. But can you do that in a more humanly hour?

As we speak now, the drilling still continues. And I have kissed my bed goodbye because there's no way I can get back to sleep now. Dammit.

Nothing like family.

I love my family, that's a given. And they love me; they love me too much to the point that they can't stand seeing me alone, a woman on a certain age, unaccompanied by a gentleman, that is just too much to handle for these folks.

Especially since my little sister is way more mature than me these days. Her boyfriend is practically part of our warm yet slightly neurotic big family now. But of course, we are friendly, welcoming people, and we're happy for each and every additional unsuspecting poor innocent fellow that we can get.

"Get him to come, and watch me play tennis!" my uncle said, hafly ordered, referring to my sister's boyfriend. I'm sure there were at least fifty-one other things he would rather do with my sister on a Saturday night than to watch my uncle try to maul a tennis ball, but he couldn't say no to that, could he?

Ah, yes, welcome to the family.

So, last week I was at my aunt's house and a few of my uncles were there too. It's just part of our usual gathering, 'cos my aunt has this amazing karaoke machine and I was pretty much migrating there everyday to fully utilize it. The house has never been that loud before. (they should have never given me the microphone.)

Anyway, the conversation quickly turned to me, and as any other families, they started questioning the logic behind my nonexistential boyfriend. Soon enough they decided to take matters into their own hands and do what they know best: playing matchmaker.

Uh-oh.

"You know, Tin, I know someone at work who has a young son who just got back from his studies at America. He doesn't know that many people here, I think it's a good idea to introduce him to you?" uncle #1 began.

As if unwilling to get overshadowed, my other uncle also mentioned about his wife's sister's son who happens to be in Singapore too, and who is, according to him, "really handsome", "smart", and "rich."

"I am absolutely positive that you would think he's handsome too!" he passionately declared. But of course, I was skeptical, he and I don't exactly share the same taste in men, I am pretty certain about that.

He then called his wife to tell her about his genius plan of making up a letter for this "very handsome" guy which they would give to me for him to take when I get back to Singapore. He deliberately explained this as if he has been planning about it for the last five years.

As everyone there cheered and approved, I sat there, thinking, 'whose family is this again?' while mentally visualizing choking my satisfied-looking uncle.

Yes, welcome to the family, this 'super handsome' fellow. I feel sorry for you.

Time.

I concluded that my current life is not worth blogging about, well, at least not for the past five minutes or so. I just took a bath, unless you wanna hear that in great details (like, what brand of soap did I use, or what color was my towel), I'd say you're not missing out on much.

So well, last night I went out for dinner with my uncle's family and the kids. First, it hit me just seeing how bigger and older they've seem to become in the past few years that damn, time flies indeed. But then, I seldom see myself in that way. I mean, I had birthdays and all, and a brief, surfacing realization said that I was getting older, and I knew it at the time. I'm never big on birthdays anyway, kept telling myself it's just a number and it didn't really mean a thing.

But, shockingly I became acutely aware that I am twenty-two now. Today one of my best friend turns twenty-three. I have former high school friends who are already married with kids. Real kids, not like pets or anything. Real breathing, tiny-human-kids. I mean, they're as old as me, no wait, as young. And here they are, being wifes, and hold on for the scariest part: moms.

Anyway, my aunt was telling me all sorts of things about making the right decisions about men, what to look for in a husband, about how marriage is all about compromises and it's not always fun in the sun, that I felt like I've aged for about twenty years.

I'm not supposed to be thinking about it at all yet! Twenty-two is young, I wanna scream. Besides, there are other things I really should be worried about, like, oh wait, getting a job!

So perhaps yeah, I am getting older, and yeah, it's time to pull the responsible-act, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to grow alien in my tummy anytime soon. End of story.

Yeah, my little cousins are growing up to be little hearthrobs. In my absence, one has managed to outgrow me by a head, dropped his voice to a manly bass, and put up an air of coolness and 'I don't give a shit' attitude. I was like, "oh, don't give me that, I've seen you since you were only this size, running around in diapers." Oh, I love my cousins.

Another new thing I learnt while being home, is knowing my little sister's boyfriend. Those two are so cute you can't help but feeling affectionnetally jealous. (yeah, I think I made up that word.) Cruelly enough, this makes me feel so old as well. My little sister and her boyfriend have been going out for a year, seriously. But because she's my dearest sister, I'm willing to set aside my selfishness for a while, and I'm honestly really happy for them. What a way to restore my faith in love if those two can last, nothing beats the 'high school sweethearts' story.

I'm going to see another aunt and cousins now, and hopefully this time they won't make me feel like a Dinosaur.

24/7 Connected

I am loving the new Blackberry. Well, okay, it's not technically mine, in fact, it is not mine, I'm merely a temporary owner in this one. But hey, I treat it like it's my own, so don't I get credit?

It's not like I'm doing much of anything here, and man, isn't it great. For the first time I can really chill, be pampered and not worry about doing laundry or making up the bed. It's almost like a vacation, and not to mention, there is the never-ending food galore..

Anyway, back to the Blackberry thing. I'm now blogging through the computer, so it's alright. My previous entry was crap, cos I wrote that through the phone and well, it's crap, I had to delete it 'cos it was too sore for the eye.

But it's like being autist with this thing. You are almost constantly on the phone all the time, and what wasn't a need before, is now a need. You know what I mean? Like, why bother checking mail 24/7? Businessmen from ten years back are just as efficient as those nowadays, yet the constant demand for being on-the-go and reachable is too much these days. People invented mobile phone so they can be reached in emergency situations, but eventhough everyone's at home, nobody really calls through landline anymore.

And why would people want to be reached 24/7 anyway? So they can be worried about one hundred and one things on weekends?

Even with that said, why can't I get enough of this Blackberry thing, then? Maybe because everyone else is doing the same? That even when you're opposing it, you can't help but tagging along?

Well, I suppose it's alright doing that now, as long as you don't get addicted or anything. I like the phrase 'it's okay wanting things, as long as you don't get pissed off when you don't get them'. You know? I'll be back to Singapore, being the technologically-retard that I am, and it's alright.

So. I'll see you at gchat? Or windows messenger? Or just give me your BB pin? =p

Again.

I'm suddenly overwhelmed by a sense of deja-vu. Haven't I been here before?

I may be just incapable of really being with someone. I have instant crushes and seasonal intensity, but they never last. I get hurt everytime, but I plunge myself into the exact same situation again and again, and now I can't help wondering whether I cared at all. The whole temporary thing? I always say it's unfortunate and unfair, but perhaps there's the twisted attraction. It's disturbing to look at it from that way, isn't it?

Of course, because I just can't handle the day-to-day-relationship.

I had long distance before, and I convinced myself I wouldn't want to be in that situation again, because it's hard enough without the separation as it is. A few months later, I went to the States and I met someone whom I really liked. Then, I had to come back home and could only keep in touch with this person through skype calls, text messages and internet chats. After that, during a night out around three months ago, I got to know someone who reminded me so much of this guy from the States; same taste of movies and jokes, geekiness and just the ability to completely engage me in conversations. We became really good friends and it's the closest I've been to anyone on daily basis without the drama of going back and fourth, once-a-month-trip just to be able to see each other, or anything of that sort. It has been completely normal, comforting and fun. He is here, but only until next month. I mean, realize the irony in all this?

Somehow this happens again. Is it just a purely mean but random coincidence? I'm starting to think that I am the problem.

"Oh, you live here? Boring. You're here temporarily? Okay, I like you." You've got to be nuts.

Anyway, I'm not even complaining about this or dwelling about what has happened. It never actually bothered me before, I don't really think of it that way. I guess, what I'm feeling is that it sucks badly that I have to lose another good friend, that yet another person has to go away. We'll still be friends, I mean, of course we are. But that's as far as it's ever going to get, because there's not even a chance for it to be anything else, you know? Not saying that I want to, but just like, theoratically speaking.

We're bummed out, but there's nothing we can do about it. Maybe I am that strange or maybe it's just a random thing, either way it still sucks. I feel like I'm back to the same spot as I was last year. In the airport everytime I had to say goodbye to the ex, in that room in San Fran when the States guy left. I'm sort of having these similar emotions.

And I don't like it at all.

New things this week

1. I started twittering. Well, I've actually joined Twitter eons ago, but never really updated it since. In fact, my first entry there was in July last year when I wrote, "talking to my wonderful boyfriend, convincing him that Jason Mraz is cooler than ice cubes." Whoa, memorable enough? Anyway, if you do have twitter, please add me up, I wanna follow you! User's name is xteena21. I have to warn you though, that..[see next point.]

2. My life is not exactly exciting at the moment. (Yes, this deserves an entire number in itself. I can't even elaborate. Sad!)

3. I promise, though, that I won't just be writing 'I'm washing my hair', 'I'm having chicken rice for dinner', 'I'm peeing, be back in five' or anything of that sort in Twitter.

4. I made appointment for hair coloring today, and I was informed that the next available slot is on May 4th! What the, son of a biscuit! Who knew hair coloring is such a high demand? It's like, lining up for boob-job or something. At least with that I wouldn't be surprised.

5. One of my dearest friend is leaving Singapore for good, well, it's time for him to head back and make his country proud. How patriotic. That sucks though, because that means losing another good friend. I hate goodbyes.

6. I've watched excessive House lately, the whole first season in two days!

7. I wrote a long post on my thoughts on American Idol, because I love this season, but ended up deleting it 'cos it was too dorky, and nobody would even care about my love for Danny Gokey simply because of his uber cute glasses.

8.

When we met up in town. Hong's got a new haircut and it's funny 'cos we had the whole yellow-black thing going on accidentally enough.

9.

Blowing off some steam at Atticca and Zouk. It was such a fun night, we met other bunch of friends and danced our socks off.

10. I'm in love with the new apartment! I make excuse to go there eventhough there's nothing in it yet! Can't wait to see once it's furnished.

And then there's the great dinner at Dempsey, drinks at Emerald Hill, and buffet lunch at RajahInn. Man, no wonder I gained so much weight. Ah yes, I should put the gaining-weight thing in one of the point, but it's making me embarrassed.

Ah, and there you go, pukes of updates.

Keeping the faith

I was listening to Carrie Underwood's "So Small" the other day and the chorus goes something like this.

'Cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
And what you've been out there searching for forever
Is in your hands
And when you figure out
Love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small

I couldn't help but noticing the truth in the lyrics. It's not about love, per se, but everything else in general.

I didn't say I have led such a hard life, because I haven't; I've got loads to be very grateful about. At the same time, to say that my life is just filled with butterflies and rainbows isn't exactly accurate either. I learned some things the hard ways too.

When my mom was sick, I couldn't see anything past it. I thought we've reached rock bottom. It was unthinkable, too surreal, something we never thought possible.

But, life goes on and even though it has been hard, we've pulled through. And what? It's easy from then on? Not at all. Thinking we've been through the worst doesn't mean it's true, because things evolve, circumstances change. But I'd like to think that perhaps I've gotten a bit stronger and wiser since, maybe I've learned not to sweat the small stuffs, because I know now what's important and what's not.

Life may not get easier, but there is such thing as perspectives.

Some things are just too important. Like, education and career. I do take it seriously, and I intend to keep trying to get a job although it's really hard at the moment. Family is another thing; I realized how incredibly lucky I am to have such strong bond and relationships with my dad and sisters. I do butthead with my sister a lot, and she may irritate me with her protectiveness at times, but you know what, those are insignificant, because she's the only one who has supported, motivated, and got my back all these years.

And here's another revolution. Some other things are just not worth fussing about. Like, people who are never there for you, who obviously don't care anymore. I was okay doing the 'giving' role everytime, I was okay being the only person who takes initiative, who still shows care and respect. But it's a waste of time and energy when they never make any efforts. Why bother? It's not worth it, there are other things to worry about, believe me. Sometimes you just know when to let go.

I mean, no need to get hard feelings. Afterall, things change, just look at it that way.

Anyway, when you think about it, people are a lot stronger than they give themselves credit for. We will never know our capabilities 'til we are stretched to our limits. Even then, what's our 'limit'? In the end, things are never as hard as they seem.

I know I'm struggling right now, and it's the only thing I'm focusing on. I do have faith though, that things will work out eventually. And when they do, I'm sure they wouldn't look so scary anymore. The trick is just to get through it. Then you can go ahead and face the next challenge. Ha!

If a country song could trigger this much thoughts, I wonder what happens if I listen to Oprah everyday.

The case of missing breakfast

Last week a couple friends and I went out to blow off some steam by dancing the night away. It was a typical fun ladies night, but the night ended in a pretty eventful note.

Around 4 am, the three of us walked back to the house since it was located conveniently within walking distance from the club. We were sober as nuns, carrying our shoes while breathing in the cool night air.

We decided to order two breakfast sets from McD, so my friend A made the call. We got to the house, changed into comfortable baggy shirts and another friend B and I fell straight to sleep, rather unintentionally before the food even arrived. A still took a shower, and in between my sleep, I think I heard A's phone ring and her saying, "McD's here!" But, I drifted back to sleep after blissfully thinking deliberately to just savour the big breakfast in the morning. Too much effort to move my eyelids.

10am, I woke up, turned to A and asked, "Hey, did you eat your food last night?"

She murmured, "I don't know..."

"What do you mean you don't know?" I chuckled, thinking that she must still be asleep. B and I scrambled out of bed and looked outside in the dining table for our beloved McD. We found nothing. We got back to the room, searched everywhere, but still saw no sign of food.

At this point, B even looked at the trash, just in case, A ate both meals last night. The chances were pretty slim, but even slimmer that the McD food could evaporate into thin air.

I desperately pictured my non-existent hash brown and scrambled eggs. Damn, I was starving.

A was still in bed when we asked her again, "where did you put the food, babe?"

She looked at us, confused, "I don't know."

"The McD food that came last night. Where did you put it?" I repeated, emphasizing on the every word.

"I don't remember.."

This explanation didn't do it for me. What's weird is that there was one regular Milo by the bedside table, so the delivery guy really did come. But the big elephant in the room, where's Waldo? Where's the food?!

We kept persisting A to try to remember what happened last night, but she offered no answer, she didn't even seem disturbed by the fact that a huge chunk of her memory seemed to go missing, while B and I were totally freaked out.

The thing is, A wasn't drunk, she still even showered when we got home, it simply didn't make any sense. She admitted not remembering taking the food, eating the food, or putting the food anywhere.

But the Milo just sat there, mocking us. The half empty Milo, I might add.

In the end, we couldn't find the food anywhere, and we reluctantly closed the case, what else were we supposed to do? But, I'm still beyond curious. As anyone would be. Heck. Things don't just go missing, especially McD food, unless it's been eaten, duh. But there was no way someone could eat TWO breakfast meals at 5am without remembering any of it.

Right? Right?

Dealing with it

Okay, it's time to get my juices flowing again. Ew, not that kind of juice. Ew, ew, ew. Way to go to start a post, girl. Yeah, I know it has been a long time, oh, that's an understatement. It's probably the longest I've been without writing. But see, being creative is a tad difficult thing to do when you're feeling stressed out. And if there's one word to summarize my state of mind for the past month or so, it's completely stressed out. Yeah. Wait, that's three words. Sorry.

It's no surprise that things aren't going exactly as well as I had hoped for.

I feel like I have so many things to share. Normally writing about it would make me feel better, but lately I feared I would just reinforce, and even agreeing to all the things that I'm worried about by reading it in words. It would just get me worried even more, and I want to stall it for as long as I could. Hence, why I've been keeping quiet. I thought I could. Stall it, I mean.

But, I realize that it really doesn't matter. The problem will still be there whether you worry about it or not. Maybe it's better to worry about it, at least you feel it, and in effect, you do something about it. I didn't want to write that I am having a difficult time, because it would mean admitting it. Maybe I was embarrassed. Or maybe I just didn't wanna deal.

This ends now.