Welcome!: RIP Old Mp3

Saturday 9 January 2010

RIP Old Mp3

So I'm deeply ashamed. Okay, let me tell you from the beginning.

I got my mp3 player around four years ago, give and take (I believe it was more than 4 years ago, but I'm not gonna talk statistics here.) and it's been working well for most of those times. Sure, there was a crack on it (little crack!) after I sort of dropped it on one occasion (one!), which means, well, it still worked, but I had to practically hold it together if I needed to pull out the USB port (to transfer songs from the computer) to prevent it from falling apart. But hey, aside from that, I had no complaints.

I thought it was impressive that despite the crack and the old age, essentially my mp3 player was still functioning well. I even patted myself on the back for being such a good owner. (Of course, the world revolves around me.)

But that's not exactly unjustifiable. My sister's phone recently died and she had to take it to the store to get it fixed, and she just had that phone for less than a year! Her previous phone wasn't that much luckier either. For some reason, they just couldn't last for so long, and I can proudly say that I've had very long-lasting phones in my record. So, well, I guess that pat on my back is somewhat appropriate and not at all self-centered?

Back to the mp3 story, though. Somehow during this past year, I hardly used it anymore for no particular reason. Well, I enjoy listening to music while I'm commuting back and forth to work, or to school, but since I graduated last year and I haven't exactly been working, I guess there wasn't much a point to use my mp3 to listen to music when I was mostly at home, and could easily just use the laptop. I also have gone back to my reading-frenzy mode recently so I was obsessed with reading on the train instead.

It could very may be, that my mp3 was spoiled because it hadn't been used in a long time. But now that I'm working again and my office is really bloody far, I'm in dire need for serious music again to keep me company through the long journey of commute (especially in the morning! I need upbeat songs to wake me up, really.) That, and the fact that my reading-frenzy mode has mellowed a bit.

So I dug around for my old mp3 player again, and got really encouraged that it still worked...for about a day. Today as I happily slipped the headphones to my ears, no music came out from the player, and it could not be turned on. I sat there, feeling defeated and dejected. I am ashamed because apparently I'm not as good as an owner as I thought before.

And if even that absolute fact is shaken, who knows, I may not be as charming and adorable as I thought so as well. *grim* Oh. Shucks.

So, I'm gonna get myself a new mp3 player! And this is so exciting because I just got my first salary and I can buy one on my own! Aren't you all proud of me? Little Tina is growing up indeed! Yeah, so hopefully by end of day tomorrow, I will have already gotten myself a brand new player to survive me another day of commuting to work!

Right now I'm swaying towards Sony Walkman mp3 player. Yeah, I'm excited!

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Quotes

There's a hundred million different ways of writing, and it takes you a long time to sort through that stuff. And I think it takes anyone a long time to find a voice.

You must learn to take the good with the bad, the happy with the sad, love what you’ve got and remember what you had. Learn to forgive, but never forget, learn from your mistakes but never regret. People change and things go wrong, but you just have to remember that life goes on.

The day before I’m supposed to be meeting Caroline for a drink, I develop all the textbook symptoms of a crush: nervous stomach, long periods spent daydreaming, an inability to remember what she looks like. I can bring back the dress and the boots, and I can see her bangs, but her face is a blank.

I don't know, I think that if I could just accept the fact that my life is supposed to be difficult. You know, that's what to be expected, then I might not get so pissed-off about it and I'll just be glad when something nice happens.

I can see now I never really committed to Laura. I always had one foot out the door, and that prevented me from doing a lot of things, like thinking about my future and... I guess it made more sense to commit to nothing, keep my options open. And that's suicide. By tiny, tiny increments.

There's a big fucking world out there. It's messy, and it's chaotic, and it's never, never ever the thing you'd expect. It is ok to be scared, but you cannot allow your fears to turn you into an asshole, not when it comes to the people that love you, the people that need you.

Maybe what I'm saying is, is the world might be evolving the way a person evolves. Right? Like, I mean, me for example. Am I getting worse? Am I improving? I don't know. When I was younger, I was healthier, but I was, uh, whacked with insecurity, you know? Now I'm older and my problems are deeper, but I'm more equipped to handle them.

I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who's ever lived: I've loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough.

Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.

A woman needs to be held, even, and science has shown this, if its with someone she doesn't care about. Protective hormones are released, and the amount of hormones released depends on the degree to which she is held. The first and best is the complete surround. He wraps you in both arms, whispers how beautiful you are. Second best is the 'arm around.' He is next to you but with one arm around you. Third is he's just next to you on his elbow, but he rests his hand on your stomach and looks at you. Fourth is you snuggling up to him with your head on his chest, while he looks away into space. But when the first best happens, you feel completely, wonderfully like a woman.

So, so what, so fuck off, go home, leave you alone? I'll tell you something Paul, there isn't anything that I've wanted for eighteen years, cause I was a kid eighteen years ago. And if I did still want the same things I'd think I'd gone wrong somewhere, because actually I don't want to marry David Cassidy, I don't want bigger tits, I don't want to do better on my marks. I've stopped worrying about that kind of thing and maybe you should try.

Well maybe there's a big bit of you that's gone missing somewhere, maybe everyone should want something they've always wanted.

Why is it that adults aren't supposed to go mad about anything? You gotta keep a lid on it. And if you don't then people are apparently entitled to say what they like. "You haven't grown up. You're a moron. Your conversation is trivial and boorish. You can't express your emotional needs. You can't relate to your children." And you die, lonely and miserable. But you know, what the hell, every cloud has a silver lining.

I just woke up one morning and didn't feel the same way. Where did it go? It was like there had been a lot of food on a plate in front of us, and we ate it all really quickly, and then there was nothing left. Maybe that's how couples stay together: they're not greedy. They know that what they have in front of them has to last a long time, so they kind of pick at it. I hope it's not like that, though. I hope that when people are happy together, it feels as though someone keeps piling seconds and thirds on their plates.

That is what I have learned: Sex is destructive. Love is nothing to be fooled with. I learned that I was dangerous, not to be trusted. I wondered if my parents were right, with all of their stiff lovelessness. Maybe they knew better. My parents don't dole out love for the deserving or the undeserving. I was learning that love could cost me.

You could say all you liked about reason and logic and common sense and imagination, but when the chips were down, the one skill you needed was the ability to think about absolutely nothing whatsoever.

There is a comfort in never making an effort, but it's a lonely comfort. What keeps you going is the knowledge that you're only playing with only four cards showing. But when you see other people succeeding with their mediocre hands, you have to make a decision. If you turn over that final card you're certain of victory, but it also means you have nothing in reserve.

I’d gone through life believing in the strength and competence of others; never in my own. Now, dazzled, I discovered that my capacities were real. It was like finding a fortune in the lining of an old coat.

Maybe we all live life at too high a pitch, those of us who absorb emotional things all day, and as mere consequence we can never feel merely content: we have to be unhappy, or ecstatically, head-over-heels happy, and those states are difficult to achieve within a stable, solid relationship.