Welcome!: I'm Getting Old

Tuesday, 26 June 2007

I'm Getting Old

I swear to you I'm getting old, boring..and fat.
Now shall I entertain you with these charming, amusing and fascinating reasons why. *that is my attempt to be funny, which God forbids me, obviously isn't working*

Therefore, I am dull and boring. In fact, that's reason number one. All signs are there. In "When You're Getting Boring, Do You Know That You're Getting Boring? - Making Sense Into Your Adulthood; first edition". Ladies and gentlemen, I'm officially old, boring, and fat. Bring up my knitting tools!

Reason #1: I can't crack a joke anymore. A noise made by a horse has more chance of stirring up laughter than the words that came out from my mouth. Even the generous hearts would admit that it's sad.

Yesterday I went for a little karaoke, and although okay, karaoke isn't so dull, you say? It probably isn't, but when all you sang were songs from the era of such Beeges and Air Supply, you know that something is not quite right. Which brings me to...

Reason #2: I suddenly found myself humming and listening to oldies. Which isn't really a big deal once in a while, but then...

Reason #3: I downloaded tons of stuffs from Backstreet Boys, 911, M2M, even The Moffats. Know what I mean? 'Old' and 'Boring' are all pointing at me.

So hey, I was still singing, right, in the karaoke, I mean. And I brought my camera, which is almost always tucked safely inside my bag for all ocassions. And so I wanted to take picture, but I just seemed to lose focus and all sense of creativity! The only decent picture I managed to snap is this...

Reason #4: I can't even bloody make a good picture anymore! Look at it! Nothing. There is nothing but me, no sophisticated table, no interesting details, no displays of drinks or food, no NOTHING! If the picture doesn't scream dull! dull! dull!, I don't know what is.

I would be pleased if my voice could break a glass or two, at least that gotta showed that hey, I still had energy,man! I still got that edge! But, no, even my singing is boring.

And so, afterwhich, I got back and continued slacking at home and watching another DVDs. In fact, that's all I've been doing lately when I'm home..which is, well, often!

Reason #5: I do almost nothing but watching DVDs at home.

Yesterday it was 'The Village', today it was 'The Rivers Run Through It'. Half of 'Romeo and Juliet' the day before yesterday. In fact, there's the next reason.

Reason #6: I do almost nothing but watching old DVDs at home.

On my defense, I'd say 'hell with it! Old movies are great!'

But why do I spend most of the time at home, you ask? Don't I have friends or something? Well yes,yes, since you mentioned it, in fact I do have friends! Well, my best friend is currently away to her hometown, but there are plenty others here. On the contrary, some have been asking me out for dinner or lunch, but why oh why did I always turn them down? It isn't like me to turn down free dinner! See, next evidence on my boring-O-meter.

Reason #7: I find myself not wanting to go out.
Reason #8: All I want is slacking lazily at home with my pjs.

I should say 'It's not you, it's me' for anyone who have been failing to drag my ass out.

Well, if it's a little consolation, it's not like I don't go out at all. Like some days ago, I met my school friends for sushi, and another friend for movie, the karaoke, went out numerous times with Sis for all sorts of entertainments, and came out back and forth to the library to borrow and return books, etc.

So although I probably should start looking for the nearest senior citizen home, I don't have to move in there anytime soon. Still...

Reason #9: Thinking about senior citizen home is definitely not a good sign.

Apart from these wow-how-exciting-extracurricular-activities, *see? Bad joke again*, I couldn't help but thinking that yes,..

Reason #10: I haven't been to a club for weeks.

See, that's why I need my ocassional dose of neon lights, smoke and alcohol. At least it makes me feel young! Now I just feel...dull!

I just realized that I haven't mentioned a bit about the getting-fat thing, so that follows next..

Reason #11: I gained 3 more kgs.
Reason #12: Seriously speaking, I look bigger.
Reason #13: My tummy and arms, especially.

I don't like limiting myself, especially when it comes to food. I'm the follower of 'sod it, I will eat whatever I want'-philosophy, but this is starting to creep me up. I don't usually gain weight, no matter how much I eat. So what's happening now?

So here I am, nearly 1 am in the morning, feeling old, boring and fat.

Reason #14: Feeling old, boring and fat at 1 am in the morning is not good.

And there are officially 10 'borings' in this post. Which brings us, tadaaa, to the last reason.

Reason #15: I found myself counting how many 'boring' words in this entry.

Seriously, when you even bothered to do such unnecessary, dull things (i.e: looking up for gray hair, watching grass grows or..oops, counting words in a blog entry) you are undoubtely, getting old. Not necessarily fat, but old, yes.

I'm still 20, for God's sake! I'm not supposed to have this crisis until I'm at least fifty! Shouldn't I?

I need help! HELP! Search and Rescue!!!!!

No comments:

Quotes

There's a hundred million different ways of writing, and it takes you a long time to sort through that stuff. And I think it takes anyone a long time to find a voice.

You must learn to take the good with the bad, the happy with the sad, love what you’ve got and remember what you had. Learn to forgive, but never forget, learn from your mistakes but never regret. People change and things go wrong, but you just have to remember that life goes on.

The day before I’m supposed to be meeting Caroline for a drink, I develop all the textbook symptoms of a crush: nervous stomach, long periods spent daydreaming, an inability to remember what she looks like. I can bring back the dress and the boots, and I can see her bangs, but her face is a blank.

I don't know, I think that if I could just accept the fact that my life is supposed to be difficult. You know, that's what to be expected, then I might not get so pissed-off about it and I'll just be glad when something nice happens.

I can see now I never really committed to Laura. I always had one foot out the door, and that prevented me from doing a lot of things, like thinking about my future and... I guess it made more sense to commit to nothing, keep my options open. And that's suicide. By tiny, tiny increments.

There's a big fucking world out there. It's messy, and it's chaotic, and it's never, never ever the thing you'd expect. It is ok to be scared, but you cannot allow your fears to turn you into an asshole, not when it comes to the people that love you, the people that need you.

Maybe what I'm saying is, is the world might be evolving the way a person evolves. Right? Like, I mean, me for example. Am I getting worse? Am I improving? I don't know. When I was younger, I was healthier, but I was, uh, whacked with insecurity, you know? Now I'm older and my problems are deeper, but I'm more equipped to handle them.

I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who's ever lived: I've loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough.

Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.

A woman needs to be held, even, and science has shown this, if its with someone she doesn't care about. Protective hormones are released, and the amount of hormones released depends on the degree to which she is held. The first and best is the complete surround. He wraps you in both arms, whispers how beautiful you are. Second best is the 'arm around.' He is next to you but with one arm around you. Third is he's just next to you on his elbow, but he rests his hand on your stomach and looks at you. Fourth is you snuggling up to him with your head on his chest, while he looks away into space. But when the first best happens, you feel completely, wonderfully like a woman.

So, so what, so fuck off, go home, leave you alone? I'll tell you something Paul, there isn't anything that I've wanted for eighteen years, cause I was a kid eighteen years ago. And if I did still want the same things I'd think I'd gone wrong somewhere, because actually I don't want to marry David Cassidy, I don't want bigger tits, I don't want to do better on my marks. I've stopped worrying about that kind of thing and maybe you should try.

Well maybe there's a big bit of you that's gone missing somewhere, maybe everyone should want something they've always wanted.

Why is it that adults aren't supposed to go mad about anything? You gotta keep a lid on it. And if you don't then people are apparently entitled to say what they like. "You haven't grown up. You're a moron. Your conversation is trivial and boorish. You can't express your emotional needs. You can't relate to your children." And you die, lonely and miserable. But you know, what the hell, every cloud has a silver lining.

I just woke up one morning and didn't feel the same way. Where did it go? It was like there had been a lot of food on a plate in front of us, and we ate it all really quickly, and then there was nothing left. Maybe that's how couples stay together: they're not greedy. They know that what they have in front of them has to last a long time, so they kind of pick at it. I hope it's not like that, though. I hope that when people are happy together, it feels as though someone keeps piling seconds and thirds on their plates.

That is what I have learned: Sex is destructive. Love is nothing to be fooled with. I learned that I was dangerous, not to be trusted. I wondered if my parents were right, with all of their stiff lovelessness. Maybe they knew better. My parents don't dole out love for the deserving or the undeserving. I was learning that love could cost me.

You could say all you liked about reason and logic and common sense and imagination, but when the chips were down, the one skill you needed was the ability to think about absolutely nothing whatsoever.

There is a comfort in never making an effort, but it's a lonely comfort. What keeps you going is the knowledge that you're only playing with only four cards showing. But when you see other people succeeding with their mediocre hands, you have to make a decision. If you turn over that final card you're certain of victory, but it also means you have nothing in reserve.

I’d gone through life believing in the strength and competence of others; never in my own. Now, dazzled, I discovered that my capacities were real. It was like finding a fortune in the lining of an old coat.

Maybe we all live life at too high a pitch, those of us who absorb emotional things all day, and as mere consequence we can never feel merely content: we have to be unhappy, or ecstatically, head-over-heels happy, and those states are difficult to achieve within a stable, solid relationship.