Love.

Real love makes you stronger, helps you grow more and go farther. And everything that is special about you is brought to life. Real love is peaceful and soothing. It is family. It helps you to blossom.

desire.

I know what I want and what I want is right here with you.

Love, actually.

With any luck, by next year - I'll be going out with one of these girls. [shows pictures of beautiful supermodels]

But for now, let me say - Without hope or agenda - Just because it's Christmas - And at Christmas you tell the truth - To me, you are perfect - And my wasted heart will love you - Until you look like this. [picture of a mummy]

Merry Christmas.

Extraordinary.

We can be extraordinary together rather than ordinary apart.

Hi Me. How are you?

You know, I try so hard to please everyone, but in the process, I make myself unhappy.

I convinced myself that by making other people happy, I will be happy too. And sure, that works. But then, doesn’t that just mean that your happiness depend entirely on others?

What about my own happiness? One that comes from me?

I realized that it’s important that I am happy too. That I need to make me a priority too, instead of pushing my own needs at the back of the line behind everyone else’s.

I have to take control of my own life because no one else is gonna do the job.

And really, the one thing I can probably give the people around me is to be happy, fulfilled and satisfied as a daughter, sister, girlfriend, friend. This means, being myself 100%.

I want to be able to live my life truly and passionately. I want my work to be exciting, to really be something that I love doing, something that would make a difference – if not for others, at least for me.

I want to go to the library and read crazy amounts of books like I used to. I want to sit at home, writing creatively about anything and everything. I want to do a Star Wars marathon on DVD. There are plenty of things I have been procrastinating and pushed aside.

I want to be brave and be open to my feelings. Even when they are difficult.

I want to love freely, to just enjoy the ride, to live in the moment.

I used to be so positive and carefree – where did that girl go? Why am I constantly worrying and thinking too much? It’s really exhausting. I can’t spare that amount of energy on top of everything else.

I want to say to myself. Take a deep breath. Chill. Have more faith in you.

And then, work towards those things that can make you happy. Stop procrastinating.

Quote of the Day

You're alone because you push people away. And someday, nobody is gonna bother coming back.

Memories.

It’s almost been four years.

It’s starting to become a blur, how you usually comb my hair before school. I’m starting to forget how you sound like, how you used to read newspaper in your favorite spot on weekends.

I’m really scared, that I would wake up one day and forget you entirely.

All I have are pictures and memories. So abstract and intangible.

I’m afraid of losing you, and then I realized, that I already did. And then I don’t know how I feel anymore.

Home.

I was driving down unfamiliar roads trying to find a place called home. I stuck my arms out the window to try to become a part of the wind to see if I could blow away. I watched my reflection in the mirror as my hair danced and my skin shivered. I watched as I tried to make myself comfortable in a city that holds my belongings. You always said, “Who says where your belongings are is where you belong?” Maybe one day I’ll end up somewhere where I’ll feel like I belong and you won’t be too far behind.

For you I wish.

I hope you will have a wonderful year, that you'll dream dangerously and outrageously, that you'll make something that didn't exist before you made it, that you will be loved and that you will be liked, and that you will have people to love and to like in return. And, most importantly (because I think there should be more kindness and more wisdom in the world right now), that you will, when you need to be, be wise, and that you will always be kind.

Choice.

I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there.

Nonsensical rant

I came across this blog post when I was browsing through the internet. The author wrote a response to another blogger who made a list about why being single rules. This was what she said:

Single: You can have sex with whoever you want, whenever you want.
Coupled: You have the best, most intimate, sex ever with one special person.

Single: You have the time to enjoy all the activities you want to do.
Coupled: You enjoy all the activities you want to do with someone else.

Single: You are free to hang out with your friends.
Coupled: You get to hang out with your best friend all the time

Does that mean that single people can’t lead a fruitful, wholesome, fulfilling life? Well, not really. Some of my happiest memories occurred when I was single.

I think what she meant with that list is that it’s important to be able to feel happy on our own. That our happiness won’t depend entirely on someone else. That’s the first thing.

You know, positive, comparative, superlative?

Being with someone whom we love, and if we’re really fortunate, decides to love us back? That just makes things better. It doesn’t mean that things weren’t good to begin with, but it is a different kind of happiness altogether.

I feel like I can really appreciate having dearie in my life now because I'm used to being on my own. Now he is the first person I think about whenever something funny happens at work, whenever I see something good on TV, whenever I just feel like ranting and whining.

It’s an amazing feeling being able to give a little of yourself to someone else. To want to make someone else happy. That our own happiness is not just what matters. That we’re thinking for two now instead of one. It is humbling, yet at the same time, so full of joy and happiness beyond description.

I’ve always made a mistake for being so negative before when it comes to relationships. I always have that thought in the back of mind that it wouldn’t last. That somehow I would get bored or he would screw it up, or I would screw it up or any 101 other possible scenarios.

I feel really positive now though. I allow myself to hope, to see that maybe this one would be different, that it would last.

You know what? I’m not going to jinx it by being overly dreamy about it (even though I can’t help it because things are going so perfect), but I guess I just want to say this one thing.

If (and this is a big IF that I hope won’t ever happen) somehow things don’t work out with me and dearie in the end, there won’t come a time that I regret having him in my life right now. Whatever happens, there's no way.

Good.

Please believe that things are good with me, and even when they're not, they will be soon enough. And I will always believe the same about you.

Happy 3rd. =)

I’m just saying thank you. You reminded me of what I’m capable of feeling. It’s like I was walking around seeing my life through a smudged window, and then I saw you and the smudges were gone. The window was clean.

Feel-good Saturday

Forever isn't long at all when I'm with you.