It’s a funny feeling, looking back. I love my life now, but at times I do allow myself to slip into nostalgia; to the times when nothing much matters. Responsibilities and pressures were just faint reflections of what future may hold. I knew they were there, but I didn’t need to face them yet. Let them lurk around at the back of my mind, underneath my consciousness. When I was 19 years old, all I wanted was to have a good time and experience college lives as much as I could.
In those years, I met so many people and experienced new things that I never thought I would. And they could mean both good and bad. But I’d like to focus on the good.
Friendships were naïve but sincere. Boundaries were pushed to the limit. Trust was tested, youth was all that mattered.
At the end of my college year, during my transition from ‘Tina Before’ to ‘Tina After’, I met someone who still, to this date, made me smile in remembrance. He wasn’t the most handsome, or the most charming, but it was his sense of humor and our odd similarities that made me notice him during our first encounter.
I remembered, the loud noises and dancing people in the background, yet we just talked as if we were alone. I think we were talking about movies, or books, or something geeky like that. We continued our conversation outside the club ‘til the night turned into dawn. Until there were no more people around us, and yet we seemed oblivious to our surroundings. Or at least I was. All I knew from that brief meeting was that I wanted to see him again.
We did see each other again; from that day to 6 months later. And those months were the best times I could remember. He was someone I could connect with, joke with, goof around with, dance myself silly with, and he made me happy, like I had something to look forward to at the end of every day.
We met almost every day; usually the days would end up with us watching a movie, either in DVD or on his laptop. I would come to his campus and have dinner at the canteen and we would just hang out and laugh. He encouraged me when I was struggling with finding a job and not being able to stay in Singapore. And when I had to fly back to Jakarta, or while he was traveling, we still talked and mocked each other through long, ranting Facebook messages.
I let myself be swayed away with the illusion that maybe our relationship could work out somehow. But I knew I was just kidding myself, as it was almost time for him to head back to his country. In actuality, I knew from the beginning that he and I could not last. Yet, how could I not have tried?
I think, even though it sucks parting ways when we had to, and going through some days afterwards feeling the loss of someone who used to be so close, I’m glad I had those 6 months of fun, adventures, and laughs.
In the end, his positive influence on me was what I took away from this all. And let it be a wonderful memory to remember. When I see our pictures together from that time, I would smile and reminisce.
I guess, my point is, it’s amazing how someone so important in your life at one point of time, seemed like just a flicker of memory a few years down the road. And it gives me hope. That I can bounce back from everything life throws at me, eventually. Time is a healer. Everything will fade to nothing more than a faint memory.
Well, everything, unless it’s something that lasts.