Monday, 23 August 2010

From the heart.

Last night I had a dream about my mom. I haven't dreamed about her for a while and it took me by surprise that she appeared in it yesterday.

It felt so real and the whole dream must have lasted for long because, I don't know. It just wasn't something you forgot straight away when you woke up. Now it's all kinda blurry to me but I could have sworn I could narrate it to you vividly this morning.

She looked happy and healthy, as if she has never been anywhere. For some reason we knew she has been away, so I felt really, really happy that she was suddenly back in my life. I think I couldn't stop hugging her. But she didn't remember about what happened. At one point, I even asked her, "Mom, what date is it today?" and she replied, saying it was sometime in May 2008.

"Mom! It's 2010 now already!" I think I remember myself laughing to her response. She looked a little confused, but it didn't really matter. I thought she could stay now, and I was really happy. It was like, the past two or so years have never happened. It was just a bad dream, but now everything is okay.

The moment I woke up, I stayed there lying in bed and I was just overwhelmed by sadness, confusion, longing, all these feelings mixed together. I dragged myself out of bed for work but my mind wasn't in the right place all morning. I don't know what the dream was trying to tell me, but it was simply too cruel.

The dream just reminds me of what I've lost, of something I would never get back.

I really, really miss you, Mom. Will you please be in my dream again tonight?

I was once asked, "If she suddenly appeared before your eyes, wouldn't you be scared?" I don't know. Somehow I don't think I would. Because it's her, and I know she won't hurt me or scare me away.

My friend told me that this is the 7th lunar month period and in Chinese belief, it's said that this would be the time where our relatives who have passed away would visit us because the gate supposedly is open now between our world and their world. I'm not religious, and I'm even more out of touch with my Chinese root, that I previously didn't even know what 7th lunar month was, or what the tradition was during Chinese New Year.

Who knows? I just know I miss you. We all do.

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