Welcome!: May 2014

Sunday, 25 May 2014

Our catch-up dinner!

If you're lucky, colleagues become much more than just colleagues! These are the people who made my years so much fun and meaningful!

Saturday, 24 May 2014

Zade.

I have a feeling that if you ever truly let yourself go, you might fly.

Wednesday, 14 May 2014

A rant on "your life's calling".

In the days that I doubted my own capabilities, when I wondered whether I'm doing what I'm supposed to, God lent me a hand through helpful advice from people around me.

The truth is, only a handful of people can be truly certain of their dreams. Sometimes, we don't even know our own aspirations, or our life's greatest purpose aside from the generic need "to be happy". I'm definitely one of those people. I'm one of the people who sometimes find myself in a meaningless job with no motivation or satisfaction. I'm one of those people who sometimes lay awake at night wondering if I'm gonna spend the rest of my life feeling like this.

I envy people who have extraordinary skills, like my good friend Elsa who is a piano maestro, or those who can confidently say, "ever since I was a kid, I've always loved singing, so this is what I want to do for the rest of my llife." Or even those folks who can fix computers, talk gadgets, play video games and become really, really good at it. Wouldn't it be easy if each one of us is blessed with one extraordinary skill?

My problem is that I dabble on every little things all over the place, and I end up not getting really good at anything. I took organ class, art and drawing class, cooking lessons, did scouts throughout my school years; tried diving and rock climbing, learned Chinese, and other nonsense but always stopped halfway because... I didn't think they were for me. I stopped doing things before I even got the chance to see if I were gonna be any good at them.

I've always known I have a short attention span, but this is just ridiculous. I think out of everything that I have tried doing, the only few things that stuck with me 'til now is how much I like writing, traveling and sharing my experience. But even those things I can't do consistently and something always seems to get in the way.

In short, I think I'm someone who likes to always keep moving. Maybe not forward, more like sideways until I end up getting lost. And in those times, when I questioned myself whether 'marketing' is my forte (being in this line of work for 4 years now - which seems short in a span of a lifetime, but long when you come to think of those years spent of almost half your 20s), my sister said to me that it's really okay to feel this way, But don't just stop and admit defeat. Instead, continue dabble and figure out your true passion, While at it, try to do your best in marketing, or in whatever your line of work is. Because until you find something else that you can be really good at, who knows what you are capable of now?

Suddenly the song from Pocahontas crossed my mind:

How high will the sycamore grow?

If you cut it down, then you'll never know.

I think, eventually only a few people in the world were born with an extraordinary skill. I think most of them achieve then through hard work and dedication.

And another quote I would like to share with you is something from my new boss:

Never stop learning. The day you stop learning is the day you stop growing.

So, dabble away and find your true talent.

Or at least, don't ever stop trying.

Thursday, 1 May 2014

Loves.

As we grow up, we realize it is less important to have lots of friends, and more important to have real ones.

Hello May!

It's been a while. Hello! I've missed you, blog. And what better way to start writing again than in this brand new month where change happens? Changes! I believe in changes! Tina for President, y'all!

Okay, just because I keep yelling 'changes!' doesn't exactly qualify me to be the next Obama, but hey, I'm embracing changes for once. If you know me at all, I'm usually terrified of changes and surprises. But because it's the new month and all, well, let's try to change that mentality, shall we?

Of course this has nothing to do with the fact that I'm starting a new job tomorrow in 4 years. How am I feeling, you ask? Well, honesty? Nervous. Very nervous and excited at the same time. After being a senior, I'm back to being the newbie who doesn't know where people keep their papers! You know what I mean right?

I'm also excited for that, though. I'm looking forward to the things I can bring to the table, to the changes and ideas that I can offer, to the new colleagues and supervisors that I'm going to work with. And most of all, I'm excited for the new challenges and opportunities in the months and years to come. I am!

I guess having these butterflies in my stomach is normal. I am looking at the positive side of things and I believe that the next job will be better. Now, will you ride along this new journey with me?

I will try my best to update this space more often. I'm sure I have a lot more stories to tell, and I will have more time on hand too (hopefully) because the office is quite nearby and I won't spend 3 hours of commuting every single day, so I think I will be more productive and efficient with my time.

So let's raise our glass and cheers to change!

When sadness was the sea, you were the one that taught me to swim.

Everything's complicated, even those things that seem flat in their bleakness or sadness.

You can never replace anyone because everyone is made up of such beautiful specific details.

I think when you get to the point where you don't need to be in love, then you could be in love. You have to just be OK with yourself-and that's a long process.

Words and hearts should be handled with care.. for words when spoken and hearts when broken are the hardest thing to repair.

It seems to me now that the plain state of being human is dramatic enough for anyone; you don't need to be a heroin addict or a performance poet to experience extremity. You just have to love someone.

It's just that I don't want to be somebody's crush. If somebody likes me, I want them to like the real me, not what they think I am. And I don't want them to carry it around inside. I want them to show me, so I can feel it too.

The best and most beautiful things in life cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.

Quotes

There's a hundred million different ways of writing, and it takes you a long time to sort through that stuff. And I think it takes anyone a long time to find a voice.

You must learn to take the good with the bad, the happy with the sad, love what you’ve got and remember what you had. Learn to forgive, but never forget, learn from your mistakes but never regret. People change and things go wrong, but you just have to remember that life goes on.

The day before I’m supposed to be meeting Caroline for a drink, I develop all the textbook symptoms of a crush: nervous stomach, long periods spent daydreaming, an inability to remember what she looks like. I can bring back the dress and the boots, and I can see her bangs, but her face is a blank.

I don't know, I think that if I could just accept the fact that my life is supposed to be difficult. You know, that's what to be expected, then I might not get so pissed-off about it and I'll just be glad when something nice happens.

I can see now I never really committed to Laura. I always had one foot out the door, and that prevented me from doing a lot of things, like thinking about my future and... I guess it made more sense to commit to nothing, keep my options open. And that's suicide. By tiny, tiny increments.

There's a big fucking world out there. It's messy, and it's chaotic, and it's never, never ever the thing you'd expect. It is ok to be scared, but you cannot allow your fears to turn you into an asshole, not when it comes to the people that love you, the people that need you.

Maybe what I'm saying is, is the world might be evolving the way a person evolves. Right? Like, I mean, me for example. Am I getting worse? Am I improving? I don't know. When I was younger, I was healthier, but I was, uh, whacked with insecurity, you know? Now I'm older and my problems are deeper, but I'm more equipped to handle them.

I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who's ever lived: I've loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough.

Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.

A woman needs to be held, even, and science has shown this, if its with someone she doesn't care about. Protective hormones are released, and the amount of hormones released depends on the degree to which she is held. The first and best is the complete surround. He wraps you in both arms, whispers how beautiful you are. Second best is the 'arm around.' He is next to you but with one arm around you. Third is he's just next to you on his elbow, but he rests his hand on your stomach and looks at you. Fourth is you snuggling up to him with your head on his chest, while he looks away into space. But when the first best happens, you feel completely, wonderfully like a woman.

So, so what, so fuck off, go home, leave you alone? I'll tell you something Paul, there isn't anything that I've wanted for eighteen years, cause I was a kid eighteen years ago. And if I did still want the same things I'd think I'd gone wrong somewhere, because actually I don't want to marry David Cassidy, I don't want bigger tits, I don't want to do better on my marks. I've stopped worrying about that kind of thing and maybe you should try.

Well maybe there's a big bit of you that's gone missing somewhere, maybe everyone should want something they've always wanted.

Why is it that adults aren't supposed to go mad about anything? You gotta keep a lid on it. And if you don't then people are apparently entitled to say what they like. "You haven't grown up. You're a moron. Your conversation is trivial and boorish. You can't express your emotional needs. You can't relate to your children." And you die, lonely and miserable. But you know, what the hell, every cloud has a silver lining.

I just woke up one morning and didn't feel the same way. Where did it go? It was like there had been a lot of food on a plate in front of us, and we ate it all really quickly, and then there was nothing left. Maybe that's how couples stay together: they're not greedy. They know that what they have in front of them has to last a long time, so they kind of pick at it. I hope it's not like that, though. I hope that when people are happy together, it feels as though someone keeps piling seconds and thirds on their plates.

That is what I have learned: Sex is destructive. Love is nothing to be fooled with. I learned that I was dangerous, not to be trusted. I wondered if my parents were right, with all of their stiff lovelessness. Maybe they knew better. My parents don't dole out love for the deserving or the undeserving. I was learning that love could cost me.

You could say all you liked about reason and logic and common sense and imagination, but when the chips were down, the one skill you needed was the ability to think about absolutely nothing whatsoever.

There is a comfort in never making an effort, but it's a lonely comfort. What keeps you going is the knowledge that you're only playing with only four cards showing. But when you see other people succeeding with their mediocre hands, you have to make a decision. If you turn over that final card you're certain of victory, but it also means you have nothing in reserve.

I’d gone through life believing in the strength and competence of others; never in my own. Now, dazzled, I discovered that my capacities were real. It was like finding a fortune in the lining of an old coat.

Maybe we all live life at too high a pitch, those of us who absorb emotional things all day, and as mere consequence we can never feel merely content: we have to be unhappy, or ecstatically, head-over-heels happy, and those states are difficult to achieve within a stable, solid relationship.