What a week it has been! First, we has successfully moved office and I still have both my hands and legs intact! Packing our stuffs was fine, but try moving our computer screens, CPUs, drawers and even our own chair! I think the amount of work I did during those two days is equivalent to my exercise regime in a year!
Now our office is much bigger, and each department has its own room, as compared to before when Marketing was sandwiched right in between Sales and Finance Team and well, let's just say that it could get very noisy and hectic! Now we have our own cold little office but after a week of settling here, I realized that maybe we are the noisy one!
Then we also had a new Marketing Manager joining us this week! Although for the past two days we have been very busy with introductory meetings and then Christmas decorating session. I hardly had time to sit down and start crossing out stuffs from my 'To-do list' which, honestly speaking, is getting longer and longer than the Great Wall of China. (Yeah, I should be concerned)
I need to dedicate a time this week to prepare my PR application too, since my appointment is early next week. Hopefully the second time is the charm this time.
Anyway, that's that about work in general. I realized something this week though; something very important. I know it sounds clichey, but people do get what they deserve. What goes around really comes around. We all talk about karma, and I guess we say it in passing, just like we talk about similar clichey like 'good things come to those who wait.'. I mean, it sounds right, but usually it's just something we tell ourselves so that we can remain optimistic.
But really, I feel that there is not enough kindness in this world. Everybody should be kind, for and foremost. And I always try to believe the good in people, give them the benefit of the doubt even when others tell me otherwise. We have to treat everybody with kindness, and I'm saying that regardless of our genders or position or anything else. But as women, it's especially important to empower each other, not be bitchy and mean and nasty and dishonest.
I have been hurt by people. Because of misunderstanding or miscommunication, it happens right? But I can't think of the last time that someone hurt me on purpose out of malicious intent, until recently. It was something uncalled for, unfair and I believe that nobody should be that mean to do such thing to anyone. And remember what I said about what goes around, comes around? Yeah, let's just say that something unfortunate happened to her, and maybe it's karma for what she has done to me, or maybe it's a compilation of other bad things she has done, but I believe that she gets what she deserves.
We all make mistakes, we hurt people we love, people around us. But I'd like to think that nobody should be mean to each other on purpose. When you're mean and you have evil intention to others, that's it. Everybody should support each other, encourage one another to be better. If you can't be nice to someone, at least don't hurt them. It's better to walk away. But as soon as you hurt someone intentionally, that's on you. That's what I can't understand.
One of my good friends told me that there are a lot of mean people out there and maybe I have not come across them yet in my life because I've led a sheltered life. And maybe he's right, and I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful for my parents who have protected me and surrounded me with great, loving, positive people. Even my friends all throughout school until university, they are a bunch of fun, loving, friendly people that I'm so grateful for.
I have not met such poisonous people until now, and I consider myself lucky. I hope I can keep it that way. And I will still treat people that I meet equally: with a smile. At least I'll try my best to. Whatever the outcome is, that's not up to us to decide. But take comfort in the fact that, people get what they deserve.
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Sunday, 17 November 2013
Thursday, 4 July 2013
Expectation vs Reality.
At the end of the work day on Friday, my colleagues would pose me this question, “So, what are you going to do this weekend?” In fact, that’s probably the first thing they would ask on a Monday morning as well, and I always wish I could reply them with a list of the amazing things I did over the weekend which would leave them speechless.
This is what I would like to happen:
“Oh, you know, I just flew to Bangkok for a shopping spree. It was FAB! You have to see how many pair of shoes I bought!”
Or
“Funny you should ask! On Saturday I went to Jamie’s Italian where I dined with Jamie Oliver himself. He was really nice, he let us sample all his signature dishes and even open a bottle of Champagne just because he can.”
I’m sure THAT would make a wonderful story. But instead, this is what actually happens on most occasions:
“Er. Nothing, really. Slept the whole weekend away.”
Or
“Oh, you know, really glamorous, thanks. I stayed home, ate instant noodles while watching Criminal Minds reruns.”
Nope. Not glamorous at all.
This is what I would like to happen:
“Oh, you know, I just flew to Bangkok for a shopping spree. It was FAB! You have to see how many pair of shoes I bought!”
Or
“Funny you should ask! On Saturday I went to Jamie’s Italian where I dined with Jamie Oliver himself. He was really nice, he let us sample all his signature dishes and even open a bottle of Champagne just because he can.”
I’m sure THAT would make a wonderful story. But instead, this is what actually happens on most occasions:
“Er. Nothing, really. Slept the whole weekend away.”
Or
“Oh, you know, really glamorous, thanks. I stayed home, ate instant noodles while watching Criminal Minds reruns.”
Nope. Not glamorous at all.
Sudden thought of you.
It’s a funny feeling, looking back. I love my life now, but at times I do allow myself to slip into nostalgia; to the times when nothing much matters. Responsibilities and pressures were just faint reflections of what future may hold. I knew they were there, but I didn’t need to face them yet. Let them lurk around at the back of my mind, underneath my consciousness. When I was 19 years old, all I wanted was to have a good time and experience college lives as much as I could.
In those years, I met so many people and experienced new things that I never thought I would. And they could mean both good and bad. But I’d like to focus on the good.
Friendships were naïve but sincere. Boundaries were pushed to the limit. Trust was tested, youth was all that mattered.
At the end of my college year, during my transition from ‘Tina Before’ to ‘Tina After’, I met someone who still, to this date, made me smile in remembrance. He wasn’t the most handsome, or the most charming, but it was his sense of humor and our odd similarities that made me notice him during our first encounter.
I remembered, the loud noises and dancing people in the background, yet we just talked as if we were alone. I think we were talking about movies, or books, or something geeky like that. We continued our conversation outside the club ‘til the night turned into dawn. Until there were no more people around us, and yet we seemed oblivious to our surroundings. Or at least I was. All I knew from that brief meeting was that I wanted to see him again.
We did see each other again; from that day to 6 months later. And those months were the best times I could remember. He was someone I could connect with, joke with, goof around with, dance myself silly with, and he made me happy, like I had something to look forward to at the end of every day.
We met almost every day; usually the days would end up with us watching a movie, either in DVD or on his laptop. I would come to his campus and have dinner at the canteen and we would just hang out and laugh. He encouraged me when I was struggling with finding a job and not being able to stay in Singapore. And when I had to fly back to Jakarta, or while he was traveling, we still talked and mocked each other through long, ranting Facebook messages.
I let myself be swayed away with the illusion that maybe our relationship could work out somehow. But I knew I was just kidding myself, as it was almost time for him to head back to his country. In actuality, I knew from the beginning that he and I could not last. Yet, how could I not have tried?
I think, even though it sucks parting ways when we had to, and going through some days afterwards feeling the loss of someone who used to be so close, I’m glad I had those 6 months of fun, adventures, and laughs.
In the end, his positive influence on me was what I took away from this all. And let it be a wonderful memory to remember. When I see our pictures together from that time, I would smile and reminisce.
I guess, my point is, it’s amazing how someone so important in your life at one point of time, seemed like just a flicker of memory a few years down the road. And it gives me hope. That I can bounce back from everything life throws at me, eventually. Time is a healer. Everything will fade to nothing more than a faint memory.
Well, everything, unless it’s something that lasts.
In those years, I met so many people and experienced new things that I never thought I would. And they could mean both good and bad. But I’d like to focus on the good.
Friendships were naïve but sincere. Boundaries were pushed to the limit. Trust was tested, youth was all that mattered.
At the end of my college year, during my transition from ‘Tina Before’ to ‘Tina After’, I met someone who still, to this date, made me smile in remembrance. He wasn’t the most handsome, or the most charming, but it was his sense of humor and our odd similarities that made me notice him during our first encounter.
I remembered, the loud noises and dancing people in the background, yet we just talked as if we were alone. I think we were talking about movies, or books, or something geeky like that. We continued our conversation outside the club ‘til the night turned into dawn. Until there were no more people around us, and yet we seemed oblivious to our surroundings. Or at least I was. All I knew from that brief meeting was that I wanted to see him again.
We did see each other again; from that day to 6 months later. And those months were the best times I could remember. He was someone I could connect with, joke with, goof around with, dance myself silly with, and he made me happy, like I had something to look forward to at the end of every day.
We met almost every day; usually the days would end up with us watching a movie, either in DVD or on his laptop. I would come to his campus and have dinner at the canteen and we would just hang out and laugh. He encouraged me when I was struggling with finding a job and not being able to stay in Singapore. And when I had to fly back to Jakarta, or while he was traveling, we still talked and mocked each other through long, ranting Facebook messages.
I let myself be swayed away with the illusion that maybe our relationship could work out somehow. But I knew I was just kidding myself, as it was almost time for him to head back to his country. In actuality, I knew from the beginning that he and I could not last. Yet, how could I not have tried?
I think, even though it sucks parting ways when we had to, and going through some days afterwards feeling the loss of someone who used to be so close, I’m glad I had those 6 months of fun, adventures, and laughs.
In the end, his positive influence on me was what I took away from this all. And let it be a wonderful memory to remember. When I see our pictures together from that time, I would smile and reminisce.
I guess, my point is, it’s amazing how someone so important in your life at one point of time, seemed like just a flicker of memory a few years down the road. And it gives me hope. That I can bounce back from everything life throws at me, eventually. Time is a healer. Everything will fade to nothing more than a faint memory.
Well, everything, unless it’s something that lasts.
Thursday, 13 October 2011
Past few weeks...
Hey there!
I haven’t been writing much but things are colossally busy these past few weeks! Work has just been a major drag (eh I mean, joy! *looks around suspiciously*) that some days just passed by like a blur and I had no time to do anything else.
I know that sounds just like an excuse, but it’s not! Really, really!
Anyway, just some highlights worth mentioning (to look back when I’m 40 years old in my rocking chair – wait, I don’t think 40 year-olds are supposed to be in a rocking chair yet! But what to do, I’m a lazy bum that way. My ambition in life? To retire early so I have all the time in the world to go traveling.)
My friend (bless you, Jonny boy in case you’re reading) has always mocked me for being a spoilt brat. He uses the term ‘Miss Reilly’ (bless you and your ridiculous yet adorable Irish phrases! I’d take Miss Reilly to Miss Spoilt Brat all day.) He has this impression that I can just bat my eyelids and get whatever I want. Sigh, if only life is that simple. I would invest heavily on my eyelashes. The only person that would fall for that trick is probably just my Dad. (Hello, Dad! I love you! Can I move in to your new apartment for free? *bats eyelashes*)
The reason why I’m saying this is because in my grand plan of retiring early and traveling the world, I missed out one tiny, little fact. That money just doesn’t grow on trees. Which explains why I’m slaving my days away. It’s an investment, see. Towards early retirement.
So yeah. Back to the highlights. Over the past few weeks I…
Went to Port Dickson with a dear friend. It was so beautiful there, and I’ve never felt so close to the sea before! (Well, actually, I have, but you can’t compare it to Italy! It’s unfair!) It was pretty sweet though, I give you that. Our room was directly viewing the sea and we even had an open window and a balcony overlooking the water. Aside from the room being huge with a capital h, the bathroom has a Jacuzzi and the shower was open in the middle of the space! It’s not like I felt like a porn star every time I took a shower, but how often do we get to like, bathe in an open space that big? Can’t help but making silly poses as I was scrubbing my body with soap. Psst.
Watched Westlife in concert! Shweet, shweet. Thanks to dearie who managed to get us tickets, we watched the concert for free! I’ve been an avid fan since my awkward early teen days and it was so much fun seeing them live. They sounded great live too! I’ve always had a major crush on Mark (cmon, that deep voice, serious, intense look, who doesn’t? So what if he swings the other way?) but after that concert, I have an equally major crush on Shane. His voice was amazing, those lads really seemed like fun, genuine guys in real life. Awesome experience.
Watched ridiculous amounts of movies. Well, this is pretty much a given. Being a major movie geek, I watch movies probably more than average, but it used to be that I dragged my sisters or had to arrange for dates with friends to see a movie (because I just don’t like seeing movie alone. (I tried, I blogged about it, it was sad. The day I watched a movie alone is a sad, sad day.) But now, thank goodness for dearie (bless his handsome, sweet face) that he’s ‘obligated’ to watch all these movies with me (romantic comedies included). Mwahaha. Hey, I’m sure he enjoys it too. Right? Right? Right? (I’m gonna ask the next time I see him just to be completely sure.)
Got tickets to see Wicked! This is probably something that runs in the family (or at least, just between me and my sisters), but we love music and films and combine them both? Sold! It’s a pity that the only live musicals I have ever watched were probably some Disney on Ices and Cinderella Musical. I saw Les Miserables concert on DVD and it’s really one musical I *must* see if I ever have the chance to. I’m not quite familiar with Wicked or Wizard of Oz for that matter, but this looks really good so we got the tickets to watch the show in December and I’m excited!
Have been going out with dearie for four months. I know it sounds so short in words. I even cringed as I wrote it. Four. Four. Just four months. Only one hundred and twenty days? Okay, okay, I’m going to stop being dramatic. (Drama queen Miss Reilly is talking). But really? Four months? I go in to Ion Orchard and come out from there in four months. I tried on clothes and go shopping in four months. I spend four months waiting when friends come late on our meetups. You don’t feel this way after dating for just four months! But as cheesy as it sounds, I do. (Please shoot me.) So really, I’m grateful any day even when we have just been going out for four months and it’s equivalent to the amount of time I (the vain me) spend getting ready for dates.
Bought a new laptop and vowed to eat grass for the next month. No explanation needed.
I'm officially broke. Enough said.
I haven’t been writing much but things are colossally busy these past few weeks! Work has just been a major drag (eh I mean, joy! *looks around suspiciously*) that some days just passed by like a blur and I had no time to do anything else.
I know that sounds just like an excuse, but it’s not! Really, really!
Anyway, just some highlights worth mentioning (to look back when I’m 40 years old in my rocking chair – wait, I don’t think 40 year-olds are supposed to be in a rocking chair yet! But what to do, I’m a lazy bum that way. My ambition in life? To retire early so I have all the time in the world to go traveling.)
My friend (bless you, Jonny boy in case you’re reading) has always mocked me for being a spoilt brat. He uses the term ‘Miss Reilly’ (bless you and your ridiculous yet adorable Irish phrases! I’d take Miss Reilly to Miss Spoilt Brat all day.) He has this impression that I can just bat my eyelids and get whatever I want. Sigh, if only life is that simple. I would invest heavily on my eyelashes. The only person that would fall for that trick is probably just my Dad. (Hello, Dad! I love you! Can I move in to your new apartment for free? *bats eyelashes*)
The reason why I’m saying this is because in my grand plan of retiring early and traveling the world, I missed out one tiny, little fact. That money just doesn’t grow on trees. Which explains why I’m slaving my days away. It’s an investment, see. Towards early retirement.
So yeah. Back to the highlights. Over the past few weeks I…
Went to Port Dickson with a dear friend. It was so beautiful there, and I’ve never felt so close to the sea before! (Well, actually, I have, but you can’t compare it to Italy! It’s unfair!) It was pretty sweet though, I give you that. Our room was directly viewing the sea and we even had an open window and a balcony overlooking the water. Aside from the room being huge with a capital h, the bathroom has a Jacuzzi and the shower was open in the middle of the space! It’s not like I felt like a porn star every time I took a shower, but how often do we get to like, bathe in an open space that big? Can’t help but making silly poses as I was scrubbing my body with soap. Psst.
Watched Westlife in concert! Shweet, shweet. Thanks to dearie who managed to get us tickets, we watched the concert for free! I’ve been an avid fan since my awkward early teen days and it was so much fun seeing them live. They sounded great live too! I’ve always had a major crush on Mark (cmon, that deep voice, serious, intense look, who doesn’t? So what if he swings the other way?) but after that concert, I have an equally major crush on Shane. His voice was amazing, those lads really seemed like fun, genuine guys in real life. Awesome experience.
Watched ridiculous amounts of movies. Well, this is pretty much a given. Being a major movie geek, I watch movies probably more than average, but it used to be that I dragged my sisters or had to arrange for dates with friends to see a movie (because I just don’t like seeing movie alone. (I tried, I blogged about it, it was sad. The day I watched a movie alone is a sad, sad day.) But now, thank goodness for dearie (bless his handsome, sweet face) that he’s ‘obligated’ to watch all these movies with me (romantic comedies included). Mwahaha. Hey, I’m sure he enjoys it too. Right? Right? Right? (I’m gonna ask the next time I see him just to be completely sure.)
Got tickets to see Wicked! This is probably something that runs in the family (or at least, just between me and my sisters), but we love music and films and combine them both? Sold! It’s a pity that the only live musicals I have ever watched were probably some Disney on Ices and Cinderella Musical. I saw Les Miserables concert on DVD and it’s really one musical I *must* see if I ever have the chance to. I’m not quite familiar with Wicked or Wizard of Oz for that matter, but this looks really good so we got the tickets to watch the show in December and I’m excited!
Have been going out with dearie for four months. I know it sounds so short in words. I even cringed as I wrote it. Four. Four. Just four months. Only one hundred and twenty days? Okay, okay, I’m going to stop being dramatic. (Drama queen Miss Reilly is talking). But really? Four months? I go in to Ion Orchard and come out from there in four months. I tried on clothes and go shopping in four months. I spend four months waiting when friends come late on our meetups. You don’t feel this way after dating for just four months! But as cheesy as it sounds, I do. (Please shoot me.) So really, I’m grateful any day even when we have just been going out for four months and it’s equivalent to the amount of time I (the vain me) spend getting ready for dates.
Bought a new laptop and vowed to eat grass for the next month. No explanation needed.
I'm officially broke. Enough said.
Wednesday, 5 October 2011
Fear.
I have a problem.
I know I’m not the easiest person in the whole world, but I never thought that I may be the most complicated either. I have a friend who is so laid-back I don’t think he ever gets mad, ever. Of course he does, but it seems like he rarely lets things get to him, and I always ask him how. He just shrugs and looks at me that gets me thinking that maybe that kinda thing comes hereditary.
The thing is. It’s almost as if I have a fighting mechanism against happiness. The moment things start to go well.. I start getting rashes and I would screw everything up. Yet, I crave nothing more than just being happy.
I’m not even talking about the kind of epiphany or dramatic happiness. It doesn’t have to be the kind of joy that makes me want to dance around the house, or makes me feel like I just won the lottery.
It’s the day-to-day happiness that makes you smile as you wake up in the morning, and as you go to bed at night. It doesn’t have to be a looney grin either. Just a content one will do. I want to count my blessings and realize how much I have going on to be grateful.
But instead, I’m focused on the bad and negative things. Of course life isn’t perfect. But why do I let those imperfect things that I can’t control, affect how I feel about everything else I have? Why can’t I pull myself away from these negative, destructive thoughts which do no good than just burying myself even deeper into the big black pitch that is this negativity?
It doesn’t happen all the time, but it comes in waves, sometimes in the least unexpected times, catching me off guard. It’s really affecting me that I start exaggerating the situation, making myself feel even worse without reason.
I don’t know what I’m so afraid of. Why I’m being the way I am. I don’t remember ever feeling like this before. At least, not this intensely that I can feel it creeping at me at nights.
I feel like, I’m valuing something too much that I’m becoming too afraid of it being taken away from me. I’m scared because now I can’t imagine how I’m going to be without it.
But so what? Do I value it too much more than I value myself? To let myself be consumed of these thoughts? Why can’t I just be…happy?
Why is it hard for me to believe that maybe, I have everything I ever wanted? Why is it almost impossible for me to think that maybe this time, things work out? Why do I have to look for troubles and be negative when I can be happy?
Maybe the key is to love myself first and foremost. Maybe I need to put more faith in people. That there are some people out there worth trusting. That there are people who will not hurt you on purpose.
I know this is something I have to deal with on my own. Changing my attitude and releasing myself off negative thoughts. But I feel helpless. I haven’t been much of a religious person in the past four years but now I feel like I need it more than ever. To ask for help and support from something that is beyond my own being. Because I know what I’m feeling will not just affect me, but eventually others too, and it’s the least thing I want to do.
I don’t know when to start. But all I know is that I’m pretty much broken. I’m full of layers and layers of irrational thoughts and I know I have to peel them away yet I’m still figuring out how.
I need help because I’m afraid one day I’m just going to break because I can’t handle it anymore. I need help for the sake of the people around me, and most importantly, for me. Because there should be no one else I’d value more than myself.
I know I’m not the easiest person in the whole world, but I never thought that I may be the most complicated either. I have a friend who is so laid-back I don’t think he ever gets mad, ever. Of course he does, but it seems like he rarely lets things get to him, and I always ask him how. He just shrugs and looks at me that gets me thinking that maybe that kinda thing comes hereditary.
The thing is. It’s almost as if I have a fighting mechanism against happiness. The moment things start to go well.. I start getting rashes and I would screw everything up. Yet, I crave nothing more than just being happy.
I’m not even talking about the kind of epiphany or dramatic happiness. It doesn’t have to be the kind of joy that makes me want to dance around the house, or makes me feel like I just won the lottery.
It’s the day-to-day happiness that makes you smile as you wake up in the morning, and as you go to bed at night. It doesn’t have to be a looney grin either. Just a content one will do. I want to count my blessings and realize how much I have going on to be grateful.
But instead, I’m focused on the bad and negative things. Of course life isn’t perfect. But why do I let those imperfect things that I can’t control, affect how I feel about everything else I have? Why can’t I pull myself away from these negative, destructive thoughts which do no good than just burying myself even deeper into the big black pitch that is this negativity?
It doesn’t happen all the time, but it comes in waves, sometimes in the least unexpected times, catching me off guard. It’s really affecting me that I start exaggerating the situation, making myself feel even worse without reason.
I don’t know what I’m so afraid of. Why I’m being the way I am. I don’t remember ever feeling like this before. At least, not this intensely that I can feel it creeping at me at nights.
I feel like, I’m valuing something too much that I’m becoming too afraid of it being taken away from me. I’m scared because now I can’t imagine how I’m going to be without it.
But so what? Do I value it too much more than I value myself? To let myself be consumed of these thoughts? Why can’t I just be…happy?
Why is it hard for me to believe that maybe, I have everything I ever wanted? Why is it almost impossible for me to think that maybe this time, things work out? Why do I have to look for troubles and be negative when I can be happy?
Maybe the key is to love myself first and foremost. Maybe I need to put more faith in people. That there are some people out there worth trusting. That there are people who will not hurt you on purpose.
I know this is something I have to deal with on my own. Changing my attitude and releasing myself off negative thoughts. But I feel helpless. I haven’t been much of a religious person in the past four years but now I feel like I need it more than ever. To ask for help and support from something that is beyond my own being. Because I know what I’m feeling will not just affect me, but eventually others too, and it’s the least thing I want to do.
I don’t know when to start. But all I know is that I’m pretty much broken. I’m full of layers and layers of irrational thoughts and I know I have to peel them away yet I’m still figuring out how.
I need help because I’m afraid one day I’m just going to break because I can’t handle it anymore. I need help for the sake of the people around me, and most importantly, for me. Because there should be no one else I’d value more than myself.
Saturday, 20 August 2011
Saturday, Obvious.
Wow, office is so quiet today. Some of my colleagues are helping out with the buffet downstairs, packing stuffs I think. I, on the other hand, have some emails to clear (and blog to write, but that’s just between you and me), so I managed to escape and withdraw myself from the hectic crowds to my peaceful, quiet desk. All I can hear is the soft music from the radio my colleague is playing at the other end, and the comforting clicking sound of keyboards. Personally, I love it. (referring to the sound of keyboard)
Once again I’m going to count my blessings for yet another wonderful day we have here! Awesome weekend is waiting ahead… in 1.5 hour time!
Anyway, I was re-reading some of my old posts and I came across one which mentioned a song by Westlife, “Obvious”.
Man, that was a good song.
And yes, I’m hopeless for boybands.
I listened to that song religiously when I was in my third year of middle school back in Jakarta. I remember because that was when I started dating my first boyfriend (then.) Anyway, it doesn’t matter now, but what I loved about the song was how much I could relate to it.
Actually, I can sort of still relate to it now.
Before I got together with dearie a couple of months back, I’ve already developed a crush on him for a while somehow and I can’t pinpoint why, aside from the fact that he’s just different. He’s smart and articulate (and this is important, people!) and endearing and unpretentious. Unapologetically sincere.
He was oblivious at that time though, and who could blame him? Apparently when I was around him, my vocabulary immediately shrunk to a pitiful range of words only found in children’s book. Suddenly I blushed, and stammered, and looked away a lot. I wouldn’t like me either.
Alright, not gonna bore with you the details. That’s not the point of this post! Back to the song, people!
Anyway, yeah. Since now you have a bit of a background, listen to the lyrics (or rather, read it) while preferably listen to the song (if you can download it now..)
Ps. Downloading songs is illegal, people! Save our music!
We started as friends
But something happened inside me
Now I'm reading into everything
But there's no sign you hear the lightning, baby
You don't ever notice me turning on my charm
Or wonder why I'm always where you are
I've made it obvious
Done everything but sing it
(I've crushed on you so long, but on and on you get me wrong)
I'm not so good with words
And since you never notice
The way that we belong
I'll say it in a love song
I've heard you talk about
How you want someone just like me
But everytime I ask you out
We never move pass friendly
And you don't ever notice how I stare when we're alone
Or wonder why I keep you on the phone
I've made it obvious
Done everything but sing it
(I've crushed on you so long but on and on you get me wrong)
I'm not so good with words
And since you never notice
The way that we belong
I'll say it in a love song
You are my very first thought in the morning
And my last at nightfall
You are the love that came without warning
I need you, I want you to know
I've made it obvious
So finally I'll sing it
(I've crushed on you so long)
I'm not so good with words
And since you never notice
The way that we belong
I'll say it in a love song
And sing it until the day you're holding me
I've wanted you so long but on and on you get me wrong
I more than adore you but since you never seem to see
But you never seem to see
I'll say it in this love song
Awesome, right? I feel nostalgic too as if I’m suddenly transported back in time to the year of my middle school where I used to listen this in my room over and over again before school.
Great, now I’m going to listen to it again…
tee-hee. =)
Once again I’m going to count my blessings for yet another wonderful day we have here! Awesome weekend is waiting ahead… in 1.5 hour time!
Anyway, I was re-reading some of my old posts and I came across one which mentioned a song by Westlife, “Obvious”.
Man, that was a good song.
And yes, I’m hopeless for boybands.
I listened to that song religiously when I was in my third year of middle school back in Jakarta. I remember because that was when I started dating my first boyfriend (then.) Anyway, it doesn’t matter now, but what I loved about the song was how much I could relate to it.
Actually, I can sort of still relate to it now.
Before I got together with dearie a couple of months back, I’ve already developed a crush on him for a while somehow and I can’t pinpoint why, aside from the fact that he’s just different. He’s smart and articulate (and this is important, people!) and endearing and unpretentious. Unapologetically sincere.
He was oblivious at that time though, and who could blame him? Apparently when I was around him, my vocabulary immediately shrunk to a pitiful range of words only found in children’s book. Suddenly I blushed, and stammered, and looked away a lot. I wouldn’t like me either.
Alright, not gonna bore with you the details. That’s not the point of this post! Back to the song, people!
Anyway, yeah. Since now you have a bit of a background, listen to the lyrics (or rather, read it) while preferably listen to the song (if you can download it now..)
Ps. Downloading songs is illegal, people! Save our music!
We started as friends
But something happened inside me
Now I'm reading into everything
But there's no sign you hear the lightning, baby
You don't ever notice me turning on my charm
Or wonder why I'm always where you are
I've made it obvious
Done everything but sing it
(I've crushed on you so long, but on and on you get me wrong)
I'm not so good with words
And since you never notice
The way that we belong
I'll say it in a love song
I've heard you talk about
How you want someone just like me
But everytime I ask you out
We never move pass friendly
And you don't ever notice how I stare when we're alone
Or wonder why I keep you on the phone
I've made it obvious
Done everything but sing it
(I've crushed on you so long but on and on you get me wrong)
I'm not so good with words
And since you never notice
The way that we belong
I'll say it in a love song
You are my very first thought in the morning
And my last at nightfall
You are the love that came without warning
I need you, I want you to know
I've made it obvious
So finally I'll sing it
(I've crushed on you so long)
I'm not so good with words
And since you never notice
The way that we belong
I'll say it in a love song
And sing it until the day you're holding me
I've wanted you so long but on and on you get me wrong
I more than adore you but since you never seem to see
But you never seem to see
I'll say it in this love song
Awesome, right? I feel nostalgic too as if I’m suddenly transported back in time to the year of my middle school where I used to listen this in my room over and over again before school.
Great, now I’m going to listen to it again…
Thursday, 18 August 2011
Dear my 20-years old self,
Hi, it’s me. Hopefully a more mature version of yourself since I’m currently writing this in the office, where I actually work and gain a stable income every month (bring the bacon home, as the cool kids say it.) I bet you have no idea what you’re going to do when you grow up from where you’re standing right now, do you?
Well, let me just say that although I may not exactly an award-winning, best-selling author like you dream you were going to be at 24 yet, I’m still doing pretty alright, I guess. But okay, that’s a discussion for another time, okay?
I guess the purpose of me writing to you right now, is just to tell you, that it’s okay being young. It’s okay having fun and going out with your friends because hey, this is the time to do so. But, be careful. Although you may not think so right now, not everyone you meet is going to take care of you and treat you right. Especially the people you meet on your nights out, however cute they may be.
Be wary and suspicious of people; it’s okay. It doesn’t mean that you are incapable of trusting, it just means that you can select who to trust wisely. That way, you won’t get hurt. And believe me, not everyone is worthy of your trust.
There would be times when you think you have everything in the world to be happy because you have great friends and great parties every week. You’d feel superficially happy because you have different dates every week and random hookups on ladies night. But trust me; there would be times when you feel tired of it all because at the end of the day, these people don’t matter. Confide in your friends, they are the ones that are still going to be there no matter what, so don’t ever take them for granted or choose some insignificant guys over their company.
Having said that, have fun but be smart about it. It’s not attractive getting drunk at 8pm and I know you’ve been through that. (Oops, or haven’t you? Oh spoiler! Watch out, you better be ready for it! SUBA! Ladies night! Free flow of Cosmopolitan! Those little buggers are dangerous!)
I know how you feel sometimes. You see your friends who are happy in their relationships, and you think if you are ever going to get that too. I know how scared you are at commitment. But hey, don’t worry about that yeah? You are young. There are plenty of time for commitments and relationships, and take it from me (and I’m your future self, so you better believe me), you will have that someone who makes you naturally and effortlessly happy, and it’s going to be wonderful because he is awesome and you have the rest of your time to be committed. So really, at 20, you shouldn’t be worrying over this at all. Sadly, you will have to go ‘kiss some frogs’ before you get to this wonderful boy, but it’s okay, it’ll be worth it.
Besides, what you have to go through makes me who I am today, right? And at the risk of sounding a lil' boastful, I think I’m turning out to be pretty darn alright.
Well, let me just say that although I may not exactly an award-winning, best-selling author like you dream you were going to be at 24 yet, I’m still doing pretty alright, I guess. But okay, that’s a discussion for another time, okay?
I guess the purpose of me writing to you right now, is just to tell you, that it’s okay being young. It’s okay having fun and going out with your friends because hey, this is the time to do so. But, be careful. Although you may not think so right now, not everyone you meet is going to take care of you and treat you right. Especially the people you meet on your nights out, however cute they may be.
Be wary and suspicious of people; it’s okay. It doesn’t mean that you are incapable of trusting, it just means that you can select who to trust wisely. That way, you won’t get hurt. And believe me, not everyone is worthy of your trust.
There would be times when you think you have everything in the world to be happy because you have great friends and great parties every week. You’d feel superficially happy because you have different dates every week and random hookups on ladies night. But trust me; there would be times when you feel tired of it all because at the end of the day, these people don’t matter. Confide in your friends, they are the ones that are still going to be there no matter what, so don’t ever take them for granted or choose some insignificant guys over their company.
Having said that, have fun but be smart about it. It’s not attractive getting drunk at 8pm and I know you’ve been through that. (Oops, or haven’t you? Oh spoiler! Watch out, you better be ready for it! SUBA! Ladies night! Free flow of Cosmopolitan! Those little buggers are dangerous!)
I know how you feel sometimes. You see your friends who are happy in their relationships, and you think if you are ever going to get that too. I know how scared you are at commitment. But hey, don’t worry about that yeah? You are young. There are plenty of time for commitments and relationships, and take it from me (and I’m your future self, so you better believe me), you will have that someone who makes you naturally and effortlessly happy, and it’s going to be wonderful because he is awesome and you have the rest of your time to be committed. So really, at 20, you shouldn’t be worrying over this at all. Sadly, you will have to go ‘kiss some frogs’ before you get to this wonderful boy, but it’s okay, it’ll be worth it.
Besides, what you have to go through makes me who I am today, right? And at the risk of sounding a lil' boastful, I think I’m turning out to be pretty darn alright.
Friday, 4 March 2011
A little privacy, please.
There was a system which should be simple enough to understand. Especially since everyone is an adult. The thing with a unisex toilet means, that one should wait for his/her turn if someone else is inside. Nothing more awkward than exchanging smile or small talks in between cubicles. Imagine 'bumping' into the opposite sex while you're washing your hand after finishing up a certain nasty business.
It was not hard since there were three slippers provided, two pairs for the gents, and one for the ladies. One, two, three. It does not require an advanced deductive or mathematical skill, even. So one might wonder, how could there be a flaw in such a seemingly elementary concept?
Like one day, she was wearing her slippers inside the loo. As she was still washing her hands, a careless gent stormed in to the 'establishment'. Startled but unapologetic, he exclaimed, "What are you doing?"
"Oh," she replied, "you know, just lounging here... Chilling, enjoying the glorious toilet scent and its breathtaking view."
She should have said that, really. But in fact, it was only in her head. What was she doing inside a toilet? Dear god, what could it possibly be? The possibilities are endless!
With an irritated grunt, she said nothing and slipped outside.
Another day, same starting story. She was washing her hands when she heard noises outside, and a gent pushed open the toilet door. The second he saw her, he made a loud noise which sounded like "sorry!", his whole body trembling and he was muttering sorry over and over again while trying to get out immediately. His dramatic reaction could resemble an act of a guilty kid who has just been caught stealing.
It made her feel so bad! Why would she feel bad?
Well, the only thing he was stealing was some privacy! She made her way out and said, "it's okay, go ahead, I'm done" to the poor awkward dude who was still trembling in horror.
No! She doesn't want to freak some dude out or blurt out sarcastic remarks to the insensitive bloke! What she wants is just a little privacy!
It was not hard since there were three slippers provided, two pairs for the gents, and one for the ladies. One, two, three. It does not require an advanced deductive or mathematical skill, even. So one might wonder, how could there be a flaw in such a seemingly elementary concept?
Like one day, she was wearing her slippers inside the loo. As she was still washing her hands, a careless gent stormed in to the 'establishment'. Startled but unapologetic, he exclaimed, "What are you doing?"
"Oh," she replied, "you know, just lounging here... Chilling, enjoying the glorious toilet scent and its breathtaking view."
She should have said that, really. But in fact, it was only in her head. What was she doing inside a toilet? Dear god, what could it possibly be? The possibilities are endless!
With an irritated grunt, she said nothing and slipped outside.
Another day, same starting story. She was washing her hands when she heard noises outside, and a gent pushed open the toilet door. The second he saw her, he made a loud noise which sounded like "sorry!", his whole body trembling and he was muttering sorry over and over again while trying to get out immediately. His dramatic reaction could resemble an act of a guilty kid who has just been caught stealing.
It made her feel so bad! Why would she feel bad?
Well, the only thing he was stealing was some privacy! She made her way out and said, "it's okay, go ahead, I'm done" to the poor awkward dude who was still trembling in horror.
No! She doesn't want to freak some dude out or blurt out sarcastic remarks to the insensitive bloke! What she wants is just a little privacy!
Monday, 28 February 2011
Domestic.
I was suddenly possessed by the spirit of Martha Stewart over the weekend. Yeah, scary, huh? I felt so domestic to the point that I decided to cook my sisters and cousin a hearty dinner.They complained and objected the idea, but I insisted. I might have even threatened them a little. But I told you, I was possessed. Even on Saturday as we went grocery shopping, I could not contain my excitement. Running wildly from aisle to aisle, I picked up pasta and spaghetti sauce and tom yum soup paste and mushrooms and carrots and potatoes as if my life depended on it.
Anyway, everyone was pretty busy on Sunday so I offered to make baked pasta for dinner. It wasn’t rocket science, really. I was a little ashamed that I couldn’t impress you more by saying I made, um, risotto with scallops or something fancier like that. But perhaps you would be slightly impressed too by ‘baked pasta’, right until I told you how simple and easy the process actually was. A 5-year old kid could make that too. And then, your impressed-face would disappear as fast as my money after payday.
All I did was washing, chopping, boiling, mixing, adding sauce and salt and tada! Putting it in the oven and voila!
Hey, don’t look at me that way. Actually I enjoy cooking once in a while if there’s an occasion and an audience (even though I would have to force them into eating it.)
The problem is that I’m a lazy bum who would rather sleep and wake up to a well-prepared, all-ready, take-away food than cooking it from scratch.
Well, nobody’s perfect.
(Are you holding back the urge to throw up? Cos I kinda am.)
Thursday, 24 February 2011
Back.
This is why I can never have a baby. I have a short attention span. I can't exactly neglect and abandon a baby like I do to my blog and my 101 other hobbies, can I?
I'm sorry in advance that I haven't been writing at all for the past few weeks. Ever since I've been back from my trip back home, I've been a basket case, a PMS kid in horrible mood swings and uncontrollable temper tantrums.
In short, I've been homesick and thus, in no condition to be writing.
Instead, I came back to work in full speed, taking no craps from annoying customers, and did a lot of writings for the company's magazine. I detached myself from personal life for a while as a way to deny reality and the fact that I was feeling so unmotivated and slightly lethargic.
It's been almost three weeks and I'm feeling a little better. But I wonder, why is it that nothing really excites me anymore these days?
I long for the days when I look forward to the next day, knowing I would do something useful. Or, when I spend an hour or two getting ready for a date because I'm so excited.
Is it a matter of the job which doesn't give me the mental stimulation, or is it me, who simply is going through a dry phase? I don't know, maybe a little of both.
As if to compensate for the lack of fighting spirit, I'm throwing myself to work even deeper these days. I know, that doesn't make any sense, but it happens.
Come to think of it, I've been in a committed relationship with my job for 8 months now. Eight! I know it doesn't seem that long, but it is! If I were seeing a man, this would be the time when I started getting a rash.
But I guess that what being committed essentially is. So I'm going to tough it up, grow up, act like an adult and brace the storm.
I'm sorry in advance that I haven't been writing at all for the past few weeks. Ever since I've been back from my trip back home, I've been a basket case, a PMS kid in horrible mood swings and uncontrollable temper tantrums.
In short, I've been homesick and thus, in no condition to be writing.
Instead, I came back to work in full speed, taking no craps from annoying customers, and did a lot of writings for the company's magazine. I detached myself from personal life for a while as a way to deny reality and the fact that I was feeling so unmotivated and slightly lethargic.
It's been almost three weeks and I'm feeling a little better. But I wonder, why is it that nothing really excites me anymore these days?
I long for the days when I look forward to the next day, knowing I would do something useful. Or, when I spend an hour or two getting ready for a date because I'm so excited.
Is it a matter of the job which doesn't give me the mental stimulation, or is it me, who simply is going through a dry phase? I don't know, maybe a little of both.
As if to compensate for the lack of fighting spirit, I'm throwing myself to work even deeper these days. I know, that doesn't make any sense, but it happens.
Come to think of it, I've been in a committed relationship with my job for 8 months now. Eight! I know it doesn't seem that long, but it is! If I were seeing a man, this would be the time when I started getting a rash.
But I guess that what being committed essentially is. So I'm going to tough it up, grow up, act like an adult and brace the storm.
Tuesday, 25 January 2011
Shameless Dance
So it's day 2 in "Let's Write Everyday" Challenge. Haha, nah. I think labeling it as a challenge is just making it doomed to fail. I don't like labels, ha!
Anyway, I want to share with you this weird thing happening to me last night. I was suddenly hit with an intense epiphany, so strong and overpowering that I started dancing around the house shamelessly much to everyone's horror.
I started with a dance around my room accompanied with an Olly Murs' track I couldn't get enough of these days, and then my sister came home from work so I proceeded swaying and pulling off dorky dance moves across the living and dining room like a spastic.
I don't know, but I was just so happy without reason and I get hyper when I'm happy. If I have to explain it, perhaps these were the contributing factors of my sudden epiphany:
1.I was really, really excited of coming home this weekend and it was just 5 days away!
2.I just finished watching The Sweetest Thing on cable tv; the one with Cameron Diaz. It was a total feel-good chick lit movie which made you feel like you've just wasted an hour of your live, yet, for some weird reason, it cheered you up and you enjoyed it tremendously (although you wouldn't admit it to your date.)
3.I was currently obsessed with this Olly Murs' song and it was such an easy-listening, feel-good track you couldn't help but to sway to.
I guess it was a combination of them all, so I was just really, really happy last night. My sisters and cousin looked at me like I was crazy, but it wasn't the first time I danced around the house or behaved like I'm 10 years old, so they were quite forgiving and less judgmental.
If I could be this happy and high everyday, who needs booze anymore, seriously?
Anyway, I want to share with you this weird thing happening to me last night. I was suddenly hit with an intense epiphany, so strong and overpowering that I started dancing around the house shamelessly much to everyone's horror.
I started with a dance around my room accompanied with an Olly Murs' track I couldn't get enough of these days, and then my sister came home from work so I proceeded swaying and pulling off dorky dance moves across the living and dining room like a spastic.
I don't know, but I was just so happy without reason and I get hyper when I'm happy. If I have to explain it, perhaps these were the contributing factors of my sudden epiphany:
1.I was really, really excited of coming home this weekend and it was just 5 days away!
2.I just finished watching The Sweetest Thing on cable tv; the one with Cameron Diaz. It was a total feel-good chick lit movie which made you feel like you've just wasted an hour of your live, yet, for some weird reason, it cheered you up and you enjoyed it tremendously (although you wouldn't admit it to your date.)
3.I was currently obsessed with this Olly Murs' song and it was such an easy-listening, feel-good track you couldn't help but to sway to.
I guess it was a combination of them all, so I was just really, really happy last night. My sisters and cousin looked at me like I was crazy, but it wasn't the first time I danced around the house or behaved like I'm 10 years old, so they were quite forgiving and less judgmental.
If I could be this happy and high everyday, who needs booze anymore, seriously?
Monday, 24 January 2011
Writing and M. Night Shyamalan.
You: "Can you promise me one thing?"
Me: "Yeah, what is it?"
You: "Promise me that you would write everyday."
Me: "What am I gonna write about everyday?"
You: "Anything. Just anything you feel like writing. Just..do it."
I don't know if this is gonna take me anywhere. I lack of commitment just as it is. But I'm gonna try..for at least a week? Haha.
I feel like talking about DEVIL today. I've been apprehensive to see it since it was out in the cinema because I hate, and just hate, horror movies. I'm the perfect epitome of a panicked, dramatic and jumpy audience who would probably pee her pants every time a scary scene or a sudden noise comes out in the screen. I hate being afraid and I'm not afraid to show it.
But you know, as a follower of M. Night Shyamalan, one should know that he never made horror movies just out of the desire to scare the audience off. The difference is that he always, always have a scary story to begin with. So he doesn't really have to do much about it. Good chance that we would pee our pants ourselves after realizing what happened, if that makes sense?
I really like how the story unfold. It left you guessing right from the beginning. The concept was simple: five persons trapped in the elevator, and one of them was the Devil. There's a reason why these people were there, though, although it seemed random at first: they were no angels. They were flawed: one a liar, a thief, you know, things like that.
In a way, it was like the devil wanted to punish them for their mistakes. He took their lives; these people who didn't own up to their faults.
As a kid, my sisters and I liked reading mystery comics, and there was one author that we really liked. I think she's made a story out of something similar like this. If I'm not mistaken, there were people trapped in the lift too, and they ended up killing each other. When the police finally opened the door, everyone died, and there was this cockroach coming out of the elevator. This cockroach turned out to be the devil, and as it slipped out, he said, "Hmm. I didn't even do anything. I just accidentally touched someone in there, and they ended up killing each other by themselves.."
The morale of the story? Sometimes people are bad enough by themselves.
The movie ended with a little line that goes like this: "My mother always told me not to fear the Devil, because if the Devil is real, than God must be real too."
Gave me chills.
Me: "Yeah, what is it?"
You: "Promise me that you would write everyday."
Me: "What am I gonna write about everyday?"
You: "Anything. Just anything you feel like writing. Just..do it."
I don't know if this is gonna take me anywhere. I lack of commitment just as it is. But I'm gonna try..for at least a week? Haha.
I feel like talking about DEVIL today. I've been apprehensive to see it since it was out in the cinema because I hate, and just hate, horror movies. I'm the perfect epitome of a panicked, dramatic and jumpy audience who would probably pee her pants every time a scary scene or a sudden noise comes out in the screen. I hate being afraid and I'm not afraid to show it.
But you know, as a follower of M. Night Shyamalan, one should know that he never made horror movies just out of the desire to scare the audience off. The difference is that he always, always have a scary story to begin with. So he doesn't really have to do much about it. Good chance that we would pee our pants ourselves after realizing what happened, if that makes sense?I really like how the story unfold. It left you guessing right from the beginning. The concept was simple: five persons trapped in the elevator, and one of them was the Devil. There's a reason why these people were there, though, although it seemed random at first: they were no angels. They were flawed: one a liar, a thief, you know, things like that.
In a way, it was like the devil wanted to punish them for their mistakes. He took their lives; these people who didn't own up to their faults.
As a kid, my sisters and I liked reading mystery comics, and there was one author that we really liked. I think she's made a story out of something similar like this. If I'm not mistaken, there were people trapped in the lift too, and they ended up killing each other. When the police finally opened the door, everyone died, and there was this cockroach coming out of the elevator. This cockroach turned out to be the devil, and as it slipped out, he said, "Hmm. I didn't even do anything. I just accidentally touched someone in there, and they ended up killing each other by themselves.."
The morale of the story? Sometimes people are bad enough by themselves.
The movie ended with a little line that goes like this: "My mother always told me not to fear the Devil, because if the Devil is real, than God must be real too."
Gave me chills.
Tuesday, 11 January 2011
From somewhere within.
I don't think I will ever understand you but I suppose that's for the best. Maybe I wouldn't feel this way if I can read you like a book. I always like being in control, especially when it comes to my feelings, but right now you're making me wonder. I'm drawing a blank.
There were times when I was sure I wasn't imagining things and that it would be impossible for you not to see it too. And then you turned around and undoed everything.
Everytime we got closer, it was almost like I just met you for the first time and we had to build our relationship all over again.
I wonder if this is just a wall that you try to build to keep people away, but then let me ask you this. Why do you want to keep people away? To be independent?
Loneliness is underrated. There is nothing more hurtful than feeling completely alone.
Even though we all strive to be an independent being, who doesn't want to be loved?
It's alright though for now. I don't mind doing it again and again if that's what you want. I guess there are moments when I feel like it's worth it. You're worth it.
I like me when I'm with you. You remind me how important friendship is. Friendship is the foundation of a relationship, and not the other way around. You remind me how fun it is talking and spending time with friends without worrying about any ulterior motives.
I like my dorky, lame self when I'm with you, because you tell it to my face that I'm being lame. Sometimes at the most unexpected moments, you would look at me and say something sweet that would leave me grinning for days.
But you should know that I value you as a friend more than anything. So nothing's gonna happen, I promise. The next move is yours.
There were times when I was sure I wasn't imagining things and that it would be impossible for you not to see it too. And then you turned around and undoed everything.
Everytime we got closer, it was almost like I just met you for the first time and we had to build our relationship all over again.
I wonder if this is just a wall that you try to build to keep people away, but then let me ask you this. Why do you want to keep people away? To be independent?
Loneliness is underrated. There is nothing more hurtful than feeling completely alone.
Even though we all strive to be an independent being, who doesn't want to be loved?
It's alright though for now. I don't mind doing it again and again if that's what you want. I guess there are moments when I feel like it's worth it. You're worth it.
I like me when I'm with you. You remind me how important friendship is. Friendship is the foundation of a relationship, and not the other way around. You remind me how fun it is talking and spending time with friends without worrying about any ulterior motives.
I like my dorky, lame self when I'm with you, because you tell it to my face that I'm being lame. Sometimes at the most unexpected moments, you would look at me and say something sweet that would leave me grinning for days.
But you should know that I value you as a friend more than anything. So nothing's gonna happen, I promise. The next move is yours.
Monday, 10 January 2011
I can't speak Chinese, now move on.
I have learnt to accept that I'm not gifted when it comes to being Chinese. I wasn't raised in a particularly Chinese culture, and the only Chinese thing I have ever done is probably asking for ang pao during Chinese New Year. But I doubt that counts for much.
The thing is, I'm not in touch with my Chinese heritage, so what? Big deal. I wish people would stop making a fuss about it and just accept the fact that not ALL Chinese-looking people know what yung sheng is, or what Seven Lunar Month represents.
(Honestly, I still have no idea.)
As if I'm not bombarded with a high dose of Chineseness on a daily basis, (if it were a drug, I would have been overdosed) today is a day that one particular Chinese person decided to get on my nerve during lunch.
See, let me give you a little background. My default look these days consist on a clueless, blank, confused and helpless look. It just rotates between these four, so take a pick. Sometimes I don't have any idea what is happening around me or what's being discussed until I have to ask for a translation. Well, to be fair, normally I don't really mind this, because that means that the things they discuss don't really concern me, thus, I don't need to know. And with the amount of work I have these days, well, let's just say that it's a good thing.
Seriously. Sometimes I would fear having clients or office people call me on my mobile because that means something is wrong and in need for my attention. These days I would probably jump in shock or have an extreme anxiety attack everytime my phone rings!
So I'm taking it like a man; being the odd one out.
If I don't even mind being one, then why wouldn't some people just let it rest? Alright, so back to my story. This afternoon during lunch I went down with a colleague of mine. We grabbed a packet of lunch and as I was about to sit, a Chinese person approached and started talking in gibberi..ops, I mean, Chinese.
I looked at him blankly, with the hope that he would be smart enough to read my expression. But of course this would be asking too much. He continued babbling and I let him finish his long sentence before I finally said, "I don't speak Chinese."
He looked at me in amusement and I decided to ignore him, hoping for a peaceful, undisturbed lunch. Apparently this was too much to ask again, because not long after, he approached me again and said, "Oh, oh, where you from? Malaysia? Philippines? Myanmar?"
Can't he see that I was having my lunch? And I had been asked this hundreth of times before that it was really starting to get old.
I gave him a 'shut up' look but he continued mentioning some other country names. So I said, "Indonesia", and went back to face my food although I had lost my appetite. "Oh! Indonesia!" he exclaimed as if I just told him I won a Nobel Prize.
Double sigh. Seriously, he then still had the nerves to ask me why an Indonesian couldn't speak Chinese, and why I looked Chinese in the first place, you know, yada yidi yada, I could already memorize the script by heart.
First, ask where I'm from, then which part of Indonesia, then how come I can't speak Chinese. Man.
You think I failed to see myself in the mirror every morning and realized that yes, I do have slanted eyes, that yes, I am Chinese? I know I am one, but that doesn't automatically mean I can speak the language, and even if it does just by basic assumption, why is it such a big deal when you finally find out that I can't?
At this point, I completely stopped eating, and after less than 15 minutes downstairs, I asked my colleague to just go back upstairs.
In retrospect, I should've just answered "Zimbabwe" or something, when he asked me where I was from. Then maybe he would shut up.
Upstairs, my colleague and I were still talking and she told me a story of what happened a few weeks back. Our office has a unisex restroom which means it is shared by both the men and ladies. Normally, we have to wear our slippers into the bathroom so we would know if someone is inside by the missing pair of slippers outside. This signals that we ought to wait until the person is out, and then we'll get out turn.
Simple enough, right?
See a pair of missing slippers. Means someone is inside. Means, wait and don't come in!
One time, my colleague was inside. You know, being ladies, sometimes we don't just go to the restroom to pee. Sometimes after doing our business, we spend some time examining our face in the mirror, look for any signs of aging (or acne), or silly things like that. But that's our thing, alright? And we should be spared another minute of privacy.
And then suddenly the door barked open and a Chinese guy came in, even though he should have seen that someone was inside. He saw my colleague standing in front of the mirror and asked the dumbest question, "What are you doing?"
At this point as she was telling the story, my colleague yelled in frustration, and she told me that she was this close to actually tell the male colleague to go and f*** himself!
Of course this has nothing to do with him being Chinese, but he happens to be one. And sorry, we can't help it.
The thing is, I'm not in touch with my Chinese heritage, so what? Big deal. I wish people would stop making a fuss about it and just accept the fact that not ALL Chinese-looking people know what yung sheng is, or what Seven Lunar Month represents.
(Honestly, I still have no idea.)
As if I'm not bombarded with a high dose of Chineseness on a daily basis, (if it were a drug, I would have been overdosed) today is a day that one particular Chinese person decided to get on my nerve during lunch.
See, let me give you a little background. My default look these days consist on a clueless, blank, confused and helpless look. It just rotates between these four, so take a pick. Sometimes I don't have any idea what is happening around me or what's being discussed until I have to ask for a translation. Well, to be fair, normally I don't really mind this, because that means that the things they discuss don't really concern me, thus, I don't need to know. And with the amount of work I have these days, well, let's just say that it's a good thing.
Seriously. Sometimes I would fear having clients or office people call me on my mobile because that means something is wrong and in need for my attention. These days I would probably jump in shock or have an extreme anxiety attack everytime my phone rings!
So I'm taking it like a man; being the odd one out.
If I don't even mind being one, then why wouldn't some people just let it rest? Alright, so back to my story. This afternoon during lunch I went down with a colleague of mine. We grabbed a packet of lunch and as I was about to sit, a Chinese person approached and started talking in gibberi..ops, I mean, Chinese.
I looked at him blankly, with the hope that he would be smart enough to read my expression. But of course this would be asking too much. He continued babbling and I let him finish his long sentence before I finally said, "I don't speak Chinese."
He looked at me in amusement and I decided to ignore him, hoping for a peaceful, undisturbed lunch. Apparently this was too much to ask again, because not long after, he approached me again and said, "Oh, oh, where you from? Malaysia? Philippines? Myanmar?"
Can't he see that I was having my lunch? And I had been asked this hundreth of times before that it was really starting to get old.
I gave him a 'shut up' look but he continued mentioning some other country names. So I said, "Indonesia", and went back to face my food although I had lost my appetite. "Oh! Indonesia!" he exclaimed as if I just told him I won a Nobel Prize.
Double sigh. Seriously, he then still had the nerves to ask me why an Indonesian couldn't speak Chinese, and why I looked Chinese in the first place, you know, yada yidi yada, I could already memorize the script by heart.
First, ask where I'm from, then which part of Indonesia, then how come I can't speak Chinese. Man.
You think I failed to see myself in the mirror every morning and realized that yes, I do have slanted eyes, that yes, I am Chinese? I know I am one, but that doesn't automatically mean I can speak the language, and even if it does just by basic assumption, why is it such a big deal when you finally find out that I can't?
At this point, I completely stopped eating, and after less than 15 minutes downstairs, I asked my colleague to just go back upstairs.
In retrospect, I should've just answered "Zimbabwe" or something, when he asked me where I was from. Then maybe he would shut up.
Upstairs, my colleague and I were still talking and she told me a story of what happened a few weeks back. Our office has a unisex restroom which means it is shared by both the men and ladies. Normally, we have to wear our slippers into the bathroom so we would know if someone is inside by the missing pair of slippers outside. This signals that we ought to wait until the person is out, and then we'll get out turn.
Simple enough, right?
See a pair of missing slippers. Means someone is inside. Means, wait and don't come in!
One time, my colleague was inside. You know, being ladies, sometimes we don't just go to the restroom to pee. Sometimes after doing our business, we spend some time examining our face in the mirror, look for any signs of aging (or acne), or silly things like that. But that's our thing, alright? And we should be spared another minute of privacy.
And then suddenly the door barked open and a Chinese guy came in, even though he should have seen that someone was inside. He saw my colleague standing in front of the mirror and asked the dumbest question, "What are you doing?"
At this point as she was telling the story, my colleague yelled in frustration, and she told me that she was this close to actually tell the male colleague to go and f*** himself!
Of course this has nothing to do with him being Chinese, but he happens to be one. And sorry, we can't help it.
Sunday, 21 November 2010
Not Sure.
Lately I've been thinking about..well, just things in general. Friends. Work. Last night I met some of my college friends whom I'm still very close with. Being with them seem so easy and effortless. We got close because of the things we had in common, real friends who have been with me for the past five years or so.
You know you reach a point in your life: when you feel like you're doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results? Or when you feel like meeting new people is exhausting rather than exciting because you're tired of the small talk but the not-so-new people aren't exactly the ones that keep you inspired?
I found it far easier to meet and talk to people that I truly was interested in knowing when I was back in university. Somehow the 9-6 routine does manage to take away the excitement of making some real friends, one with which you don't have to be superficial with.
Work life is so different. Your friends are your colleagues whom you see everyday in the office environment, who you share your lunch breaks with. Take those away, and what's left?
I don't know. I'm kinda rambling. Not sure what I'm getting at. Maybe I just miss college days. Being an adult isn't as merry as it seemed.
You know you reach a point in your life: when you feel like you're doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results? Or when you feel like meeting new people is exhausting rather than exciting because you're tired of the small talk but the not-so-new people aren't exactly the ones that keep you inspired?
I found it far easier to meet and talk to people that I truly was interested in knowing when I was back in university. Somehow the 9-6 routine does manage to take away the excitement of making some real friends, one with which you don't have to be superficial with.
Work life is so different. Your friends are your colleagues whom you see everyday in the office environment, who you share your lunch breaks with. Take those away, and what's left?
I don't know. I'm kinda rambling. Not sure what I'm getting at. Maybe I just miss college days. Being an adult isn't as merry as it seemed.
Sunday, 14 November 2010
Another Week.
Whenever I meet someone new, or in that phase or just getting to know someone, I always like to ask a lot of questions. How do you know someone otherwise, right? So I thought, I can do it here. The problem is, aside from probably 2 of my family members, nobody else actually reads this. (Speaking of which, I have to ask my sisters when was the last time they logged in here) So sad. The story of my life.
What's sadder is asking a question and having myself answer it! But what to do, right? Anyway, I come across a blog in another person's website with some interesting questions. So here's what I'm gonna do. Whenever I feel like it (read: have no more interesting subject to write about), I'll post each question and we'll see.
For someone with lots of opinion (and unable to shut up), this could be fun. You can answer it too and we'll..um, get to know each other better. (although I'm already in first-name basis with both my sisters. How 'well' do you want us to get?)
(You know I'm kidding, don't you?)
So, yeah! Let's get that on next! But first things first, I just would like to write some updates in the past week. Work? You really wanna know? Well. It's going fine, I suppose. I love my customers and all, but sometimes I'm so frustrated I wanna just scream on top my lungs: GIVE ME A BREAK! It's bad enough that these days I have to always work on Saturdays when I'm not supposed to, but even on Saturday night, or on a Sunday, I keep getting calls and texts from customers.
Alright, alright. I'm gonna stop right here. I'm gonna end up complaining more than I should if I continue. So let's move on, shall we? Over the weekend I started watching season 8 of 24, which is pretty good! My friend was really awesome for burning the complete season on CD. I think I have to treat him dinner or something. I've started rereading Harry Potter again. Last night we watched the 7th installment on DVD again so it seems right to read the last book before the movie comes out next week.
I also impulsively booked a ticket to Hong Kong for next year!
I know, it's so not me to be impulsive, but I did it!
I'll get nervous thinking what I'm gonna do if I really have to travel alone, so I'm not going to. It's still a couple months away so I figured there's plenty of time for my friends to join me (or me to chicken out?) It's exciting though!
Met some old friends on Friday night which was really fun!
Hope you had a nice weekend too and we'll catch up soon! ♥
What's sadder is asking a question and having myself answer it! But what to do, right? Anyway, I come across a blog in another person's website with some interesting questions. So here's what I'm gonna do. Whenever I feel like it (read: have no more interesting subject to write about), I'll post each question and we'll see.
For someone with lots of opinion (and unable to shut up), this could be fun. You can answer it too and we'll..um, get to know each other better. (although I'm already in first-name basis with both my sisters. How 'well' do you want us to get?)
(You know I'm kidding, don't you?)
So, yeah! Let's get that on next! But first things first, I just would like to write some updates in the past week. Work? You really wanna know? Well. It's going fine, I suppose. I love my customers and all, but sometimes I'm so frustrated I wanna just scream on top my lungs: GIVE ME A BREAK! It's bad enough that these days I have to always work on Saturdays when I'm not supposed to, but even on Saturday night, or on a Sunday, I keep getting calls and texts from customers.
Alright, alright. I'm gonna stop right here. I'm gonna end up complaining more than I should if I continue. So let's move on, shall we? Over the weekend I started watching season 8 of 24, which is pretty good! My friend was really awesome for burning the complete season on CD. I think I have to treat him dinner or something. I've started rereading Harry Potter again. Last night we watched the 7th installment on DVD again so it seems right to read the last book before the movie comes out next week.
I also impulsively booked a ticket to Hong Kong for next year!
I know, it's so not me to be impulsive, but I did it!
I'll get nervous thinking what I'm gonna do if I really have to travel alone, so I'm not going to. It's still a couple months away so I figured there's plenty of time for my friends to join me (or me to chicken out?) It's exciting though!
Met some old friends on Friday night which was really fun!
Hope you had a nice weekend too and we'll catch up soon! ♥
Friday, 5 November 2010
October Highlights
Oh my gosh, this month is passing by so quickly! I almost couldn’t believe when I woke up and saw the calendar the other day. It’s already November?! Shopping malls are starting to put Christmas decorations, and more than once I had to stop myself just to think about what a year it has been!
Alright, so I haven’t exactly found cure for cancer, or won any lotteries. I probably haven’t made significant changes to anyone’s lives but I feel like I have changed a great deal and gone through a lot! Wow, now this sounds like something I should write at the end of the year!
Yeah, fine. I’m gonna stop myself here then. Otherwise I won’t have much to talk about again coming December.
Just thought it might be appropriate to write some snippets of the things that’s been happening this month, since I hardly blog anymore (again, not that I don’t want to!) I hope I can redeem myself (and my typing skills.) Oh, by the way, I’m writing this on my laptop at home on a Friday evening, while the television is playing in mute. The only sound I’m hearing is my own tapping of keyboards and tickles of waters from the pool outside my unit. Ah, complete bliss.
1) Phuket trip (01-04 Oct)
First time going to Phuket and first time travelling with my two dear colleagues! I thought I was going to have a relaxing weekend abroad when I could just lay down in the beach and sun tanned all day long, and got drunk every night. I couldn’t have been more wrong! Reality was, it was a full-packed action weekend, filled with adrenaline-rush, lots of raining and getting wet, body-aching, crazy midnight bar actions involving pingpong shows and serious stripping acts.
Don’t act so innocent! Haha. Naked girl, ping pong balls, birds, needles. Very flexible and multifunctional vagy-gy. Use your imagination. It was hilarious! It was an eye opening experience, I’m telling you. At one point the bird used landed on my lap! I swore right there and then that I would burn my pants as soon as I got home.
A full day trip to Phi Phi island, went snorkelling and swimming by the beach, tried wakeboarding and had lots and lots of tom yum soup and not enough massages. All in all it was a good trip nonetheless. It stirred up my travel bug and I’m already looking forward to my next vacation!
2) Wedding dinner at Grand Copthorne (06 Oct)
My dearest former colleague invited me to her wedding reception on a Wednesday night. Although I came straight from work with dishevelled face, it was one of the most memorable wedding I’ve been to! It was great to see all my former colleagues again and you know, up to this point I’ve been to lots of weddings of my dad’s friends, and my sisters’ friends, but not so many of my own friends’. Knowing the bride or groom personally just made the whole evening more beautiful and I even teared up during the procession as the groom was given some tasks to get to the stage. At one point he was asked, “What do you love most about Eileen?” I think I don’t have to recite his answers to tell you that this moment was when I almost cried! The food was some awesome 7-course dinners which made me feel super guilty (but happy). After attending a friend’s wedding I always feel like getting married myself!
3) A ‘passionate’ cruise at sea ! (07 Oct)
Being in this yacht line of business, I have lots of customers asking all sorts of questions you can possibly think of about the cruise and the itineraries they can expect. My boss thought it would be great for me to experience what I’m selling. So he brought us along for an evening cruise with ‘Passion’ to highlight the different islands and activities we can do during the trip. I had a lot of fun! The boat was a 33’ motor cruiser and it could go really, really fast! We sat outside by the deck while the boat was cruising in full speed, and I don’t even want to imagine how silly I must have looked with my hair flying in all directions! I can see why some people just fall in love with the life at sea. People who love boating rarely turn back. You either love it, and try to be near the sea whenever you can, or you don’t and the thought of spending 4 hours in the boat made you feel sea sick.
4) Eat, Pray, Love (08 Oct)
I couldn’t remember the last time I watched a movie, probably since Inception. It was tad too long and I was really excited to see Eat, Pray, Love with my two girlfriends. The movie was delightful and entertaining from start to finish. I haven’t read the book, so comparison couldn’t be made, but I really admired Julia Robert’s character. It takes a lot of guts to really just go away to somewhere foreign and detach yourself from ‘real’ life. Although, at the end of it, one might wonder, which life is real? When your life is made of pretenses, isn’t it almost a sin to yourself to stay?
After which we went to Chijmes for some drinks. Le Baroque really had one of the best live music I’ve ever seen! From “The Empire State of Mind” to “Love the Way You Lie”, I lost track of time!
5) Little Nicolas and more Le Baroque (16 Oct)
My colleague and I have been talking about having a French night out which included seeing a French movie, having a French dinner and talking in French and ending the night at a French bar! Well, so it didn’t exactly go that way, since the only French word I knew was ‘Oui’ and after like, three times saying it, it got old quickly. I realized too that you couldn’t really have a conversation with just that one vocabulary.
Me: “Oui?”
Sam: “Oui oui!”
Me: “OUI!!!”
Sam: “Hm...Oui!!!”
Me and her: “.........”
See what I meant?
Catching the French movie was easy enough. The Picturehouse was showing this really adorable cute movie Little Nicolas! It was a feel-good, funny flick which really got me happy afterwards. We thought of sneaking cans of beer into the cinema but we ended up having the beer before the movie. Classy indeed. Anyway, it was a great night that ended with dancing and beers. (I’m certain the French won’t approve of that!)
6) Halloween night! (30 Oct)
The title pretty much explained itself. I tried being Kat Von D although I think it was more like the ‘Before’ version of her, or perhaps the Kat Von D if she had never made it to television. Kat Von D without the money and personal trainer! How terrible! I had to put on tattoos in both my arms and put on long black wig, heavy make-up and stars at the side of my face, and although I looked ridiculous, it was fun getting ready! When else am I able to dress up like that, right? We went to Clarke Quay and it was packed like a can of sardines! Inside the club I could hardly move and it was skin-on-skin with the people around you all night long! I’m still undecided whether I liked it, but well. Half of Singapore population must have been in that club that night!
Apart from these, I’ve been doing another freelance writing job. I did the last article in basically one day! But my editor seemed to like the writing, so no complaints here. If you want to see, here are my previous published articles for Mind+ magazine.
What a month! November is gonna be even busier as I'm bracing myself for more work. But hey, ready or not, here I come!
Alright, so I haven’t exactly found cure for cancer, or won any lotteries. I probably haven’t made significant changes to anyone’s lives but I feel like I have changed a great deal and gone through a lot! Wow, now this sounds like something I should write at the end of the year!
Yeah, fine. I’m gonna stop myself here then. Otherwise I won’t have much to talk about again coming December.
Just thought it might be appropriate to write some snippets of the things that’s been happening this month, since I hardly blog anymore (again, not that I don’t want to!) I hope I can redeem myself (and my typing skills.) Oh, by the way, I’m writing this on my laptop at home on a Friday evening, while the television is playing in mute. The only sound I’m hearing is my own tapping of keyboards and tickles of waters from the pool outside my unit. Ah, complete bliss.
1) Phuket trip (01-04 Oct)
First time going to Phuket and first time travelling with my two dear colleagues! I thought I was going to have a relaxing weekend abroad when I could just lay down in the beach and sun tanned all day long, and got drunk every night. I couldn’t have been more wrong! Reality was, it was a full-packed action weekend, filled with adrenaline-rush, lots of raining and getting wet, body-aching, crazy midnight bar actions involving pingpong shows and serious stripping acts.
Don’t act so innocent! Haha. Naked girl, ping pong balls, birds, needles. Very flexible and multifunctional vagy-gy. Use your imagination. It was hilarious! It was an eye opening experience, I’m telling you. At one point the bird used landed on my lap! I swore right there and then that I would burn my pants as soon as I got home.
A full day trip to Phi Phi island, went snorkelling and swimming by the beach, tried wakeboarding and had lots and lots of tom yum soup and not enough massages. All in all it was a good trip nonetheless. It stirred up my travel bug and I’m already looking forward to my next vacation!
2) Wedding dinner at Grand Copthorne (06 Oct)My dearest former colleague invited me to her wedding reception on a Wednesday night. Although I came straight from work with dishevelled face, it was one of the most memorable wedding I’ve been to! It was great to see all my former colleagues again and you know, up to this point I’ve been to lots of weddings of my dad’s friends, and my sisters’ friends, but not so many of my own friends’. Knowing the bride or groom personally just made the whole evening more beautiful and I even teared up during the procession as the groom was given some tasks to get to the stage. At one point he was asked, “What do you love most about Eileen?” I think I don’t have to recite his answers to tell you that this moment was when I almost cried! The food was some awesome 7-course dinners which made me feel super guilty (but happy). After attending a friend’s wedding I always feel like getting married myself!
3) A ‘passionate’ cruise at sea ! (07 Oct)Being in this yacht line of business, I have lots of customers asking all sorts of questions you can possibly think of about the cruise and the itineraries they can expect. My boss thought it would be great for me to experience what I’m selling. So he brought us along for an evening cruise with ‘Passion’ to highlight the different islands and activities we can do during the trip. I had a lot of fun! The boat was a 33’ motor cruiser and it could go really, really fast! We sat outside by the deck while the boat was cruising in full speed, and I don’t even want to imagine how silly I must have looked with my hair flying in all directions! I can see why some people just fall in love with the life at sea. People who love boating rarely turn back. You either love it, and try to be near the sea whenever you can, or you don’t and the thought of spending 4 hours in the boat made you feel sea sick.
4) Eat, Pray, Love (08 Oct)I couldn’t remember the last time I watched a movie, probably since Inception. It was tad too long and I was really excited to see Eat, Pray, Love with my two girlfriends. The movie was delightful and entertaining from start to finish. I haven’t read the book, so comparison couldn’t be made, but I really admired Julia Robert’s character. It takes a lot of guts to really just go away to somewhere foreign and detach yourself from ‘real’ life. Although, at the end of it, one might wonder, which life is real? When your life is made of pretenses, isn’t it almost a sin to yourself to stay?
After which we went to Chijmes for some drinks. Le Baroque really had one of the best live music I’ve ever seen! From “The Empire State of Mind” to “Love the Way You Lie”, I lost track of time!
5) Little Nicolas and more Le Baroque (16 Oct)
My colleague and I have been talking about having a French night out which included seeing a French movie, having a French dinner and talking in French and ending the night at a French bar! Well, so it didn’t exactly go that way, since the only French word I knew was ‘Oui’ and after like, three times saying it, it got old quickly. I realized too that you couldn’t really have a conversation with just that one vocabulary.
Me: “Oui?”
Sam: “Oui oui!”
Me: “OUI!!!”
Sam: “Hm...Oui!!!”
Me and her: “.........”
See what I meant?
Catching the French movie was easy enough. The Picturehouse was showing this really adorable cute movie Little Nicolas! It was a feel-good, funny flick which really got me happy afterwards. We thought of sneaking cans of beer into the cinema but we ended up having the beer before the movie. Classy indeed. Anyway, it was a great night that ended with dancing and beers. (I’m certain the French won’t approve of that!)
6) Halloween night! (30 Oct)The title pretty much explained itself. I tried being Kat Von D although I think it was more like the ‘Before’ version of her, or perhaps the Kat Von D if she had never made it to television. Kat Von D without the money and personal trainer! How terrible! I had to put on tattoos in both my arms and put on long black wig, heavy make-up and stars at the side of my face, and although I looked ridiculous, it was fun getting ready! When else am I able to dress up like that, right? We went to Clarke Quay and it was packed like a can of sardines! Inside the club I could hardly move and it was skin-on-skin with the people around you all night long! I’m still undecided whether I liked it, but well. Half of Singapore population must have been in that club that night!
Apart from these, I’ve been doing another freelance writing job. I did the last article in basically one day! But my editor seemed to like the writing, so no complaints here. If you want to see, here are my previous published articles for Mind+ magazine.
What a month! November is gonna be even busier as I'm bracing myself for more work. But hey, ready or not, here I come!
Tuesday, 19 October 2010
Control.
I hope you all won't hate me for haven't been updating this site for... Gosh, I've lost track. I feel like I'm losing a little bit of my sanity everyday as I'm getting more and more attached to work.
My friend keeps telling me. "Work is not who you are. It's what you are paid for. Don't get too emotionally attached, and don't ever bring it home."
But what can I say when being emotional is part of my nature? How can I distinguish work and personal life so easily when most of the time I spend is at work?
And I let people get to me easily. I take the people I meet, the people I interact with, too seriously. I take their opinions to heart. I beam over their satisfaction, and gloom over their complains.
What is the secret of being professional? How can you separate and compartmentalize parts of your life as you wish? How can you not let things get to you?
"You learn as you go along," I was told. I guess. It's true for everything. I wish I can learn faster because I'm being way too emotional for my own good.
Sorry. To be fair, things have been pretty okay for me. I haven't entirely been miserable during my absence, okay. I'll blog more happy things next time, I promise!
My friend keeps telling me. "Work is not who you are. It's what you are paid for. Don't get too emotionally attached, and don't ever bring it home."
But what can I say when being emotional is part of my nature? How can I distinguish work and personal life so easily when most of the time I spend is at work?
And I let people get to me easily. I take the people I meet, the people I interact with, too seriously. I take their opinions to heart. I beam over their satisfaction, and gloom over their complains.
What is the secret of being professional? How can you separate and compartmentalize parts of your life as you wish? How can you not let things get to you?
"You learn as you go along," I was told. I guess. It's true for everything. I wish I can learn faster because I'm being way too emotional for my own good.
Sorry. To be fair, things have been pretty okay for me. I haven't entirely been miserable during my absence, okay. I'll blog more happy things next time, I promise!
Saturday, 18 September 2010
One is the loneliest number!
So my ex-colleague is getting married and she messaged us a few weeks back over at Facebook to let us know that we are all invited to the party. She included a bunch of us ex-colleagues in the message and said:
"Hey, so PJ + bla bla (her respective other), Rachel + bla bla (her respective other), Bee Hwee + bla bla (her respective other - in fact her husband!), Seraph + bla bla (her respective other), Christina, ...."
COMMA!
>No plus, not even a fake name inserted there to save my pride. That's it, just comma!! So saaaddd!!!
I was hit by the realization that I may be the only single one among us. Heck, I may be the only single one in town! In the whole Singapore! *insert all sorts of mockery here* Go ahead, you know you want it.
While everyone is going to be there with their plus one, the fact that I will be going alone will be magnified and people will start to talk. A girl at a certain age, alone, unacceptable! I anticipate whispers and gossips as people stared, trying to find out what's wrong with me, and within 5 seconds of talking to me, they would understand why.
I've been living with myself for the past 23 years! Now you know why I'm crazy sometimes!
Aside from the sad prospect of going solo to attend a beautiful wedding ceremony of a lovely friend of mine, I am absolutely excited to meet my ex-colleagues!
p.s: By the way, in case you couldn't tell, this is meant to be a joke! ;))
p.s.s: I'm writing this while listening to Lil' Wayne - I'm Going Solo. It's a cruel coincidence, isn't it? Ha!
"Hey, so PJ + bla bla (her respective other), Rachel + bla bla (her respective other), Bee Hwee + bla bla (her respective other - in fact her husband!), Seraph + bla bla (her respective other), Christina, ...."
COMMA!
>No plus, not even a fake name inserted there to save my pride. That's it, just comma!! So saaaddd!!!
I was hit by the realization that I may be the only single one among us. Heck, I may be the only single one in town! In the whole Singapore! *insert all sorts of mockery here* Go ahead, you know you want it.
While everyone is going to be there with their plus one, the fact that I will be going alone will be magnified and people will start to talk. A girl at a certain age, alone, unacceptable! I anticipate whispers and gossips as people stared, trying to find out what's wrong with me, and within 5 seconds of talking to me, they would understand why.
I've been living with myself for the past 23 years! Now you know why I'm crazy sometimes!
Aside from the sad prospect of going solo to attend a beautiful wedding ceremony of a lovely friend of mine, I am absolutely excited to meet my ex-colleagues!
p.s: By the way, in case you couldn't tell, this is meant to be a joke! ;))p.s.s: I'm writing this while listening to Lil' Wayne - I'm Going Solo. It's a cruel coincidence, isn't it? Ha!
Thursday, 16 September 2010
Dentist visit
I have never liked the word D! Dragon! Doctor! Dentist! Double D!
But now I'm gonna talk about my dysfunctional relationship with the d in dentist! As a kid, my brain has already been shutting down and rejecting the idea of going to the dentist. Gosh, I can still remember the fear I would have just by sitting at the waiting room, trying so hard to distract myself by reading magazines, but of course it didn't really help. In my mind I kept thinking I heard some screaming going on inside the room. Maybe my parents would have heard that too, and thus, rescued me from the premises.
And of course! The smell! Why is it that all dentist offices have the same smell?! Do they have the same air freshener? Is there a handbook on that? You can't be certified as a dentist unless you buy this freshener which smells like, pain and fear!
To conclude, it's safe to say that I would be really, really content and pleased with myself if I don't ever need to pay a visit to this fine establishment again. But the time has come and I have to fulfill my destiny! Since a few days ago I've been having toothache, which came on and off. Well, I could still eat and the pain wasn't so intense that prohibited me from doing anything else. For most parts it was still tolerable, so I thought initially it was just a case of sensitive tooth from something I might have eaten.
It wasn't until yesterday that the pain was getting more intense and at night I couldn't sleep because my tooth was throbbing, and there's nothing I could do about it! In the morning I thought I couldn't be able to get up and go to work, but somehow I managed. And yeah, the pain was still on-and-off and during the day, I didn't feel as much pain at work as I was during the night before.
But it's clear that something was wrong, and I wasn't about to wait until the pain got worse, so this morning I started calling dentist offices to make an appointment. Alright, I'm starting to bore you so I'm gonna speed up. Let's just say that it freaking hurts during the examination!
It was bad enough having a throbbing tooth, it was even worse when someone kept poking and scratching it! (And for your information, there! The smell was there again! I told you - same air-freshener.) By the end of it, I almost couldn't speak because the dentist gave me some anesthetic so I couldn't feel the left side of my mouth. Isn't it crazy, how something so small like a tooth (which otherwise you wouldn't pay too attention to, I mean, compared to let's say, your arm! Or your leg) could generate that much pain.
Once my toe nail broke and shite, I almost pissed myself out of pain. And it's just a freaking toe nail! What happens if my fingers got cut off!!! Maybe I'll pass out. *touch wood, touch wood!*
Anyway, yeah. They did an x-ray too, and my wisdom teeth were in the wrong direction. Although, they were all at the very back so the doctor said it's not that urgent to get them removed. Eventually I need to, though. He mentioned that these days all you gotta do is sleep, and they would remove all of them during your sleep, and you would wake up feeling nothing and no pain and the procedure is done! Sign me up, please! That's the best method I've ever heard. They need to apply the same method to..child birth process, I'd say. Ha!
Sorry, getting sidetracked here. So, after the long and painful examination and treatment, the dentist gave me a painkiller to last me 12 hours each, so tonight I expect a painless sleep. But that treatment only already cost me $170!
Please, don't remind me of all the nice things I could have bought with that $170! But I guess, that's the price I have to pay for not having throbbing toothache again!
Dang it. See, I told you I don't like the word D!
But now I'm gonna talk about my dysfunctional relationship with the d in dentist! As a kid, my brain has already been shutting down and rejecting the idea of going to the dentist. Gosh, I can still remember the fear I would have just by sitting at the waiting room, trying so hard to distract myself by reading magazines, but of course it didn't really help. In my mind I kept thinking I heard some screaming going on inside the room. Maybe my parents would have heard that too, and thus, rescued me from the premises.
And of course! The smell! Why is it that all dentist offices have the same smell?! Do they have the same air freshener? Is there a handbook on that? You can't be certified as a dentist unless you buy this freshener which smells like, pain and fear!
To conclude, it's safe to say that I would be really, really content and pleased with myself if I don't ever need to pay a visit to this fine establishment again. But the time has come and I have to fulfill my destiny! Since a few days ago I've been having toothache, which came on and off. Well, I could still eat and the pain wasn't so intense that prohibited me from doing anything else. For most parts it was still tolerable, so I thought initially it was just a case of sensitive tooth from something I might have eaten.
It wasn't until yesterday that the pain was getting more intense and at night I couldn't sleep because my tooth was throbbing, and there's nothing I could do about it! In the morning I thought I couldn't be able to get up and go to work, but somehow I managed. And yeah, the pain was still on-and-off and during the day, I didn't feel as much pain at work as I was during the night before.
But it's clear that something was wrong, and I wasn't about to wait until the pain got worse, so this morning I started calling dentist offices to make an appointment. Alright, I'm starting to bore you so I'm gonna speed up. Let's just say that it freaking hurts during the examination!
It was bad enough having a throbbing tooth, it was even worse when someone kept poking and scratching it! (And for your information, there! The smell was there again! I told you - same air-freshener.) By the end of it, I almost couldn't speak because the dentist gave me some anesthetic so I couldn't feel the left side of my mouth. Isn't it crazy, how something so small like a tooth (which otherwise you wouldn't pay too attention to, I mean, compared to let's say, your arm! Or your leg) could generate that much pain.
Once my toe nail broke and shite, I almost pissed myself out of pain. And it's just a freaking toe nail! What happens if my fingers got cut off!!! Maybe I'll pass out. *touch wood, touch wood!*
Anyway, yeah. They did an x-ray too, and my wisdom teeth were in the wrong direction. Although, they were all at the very back so the doctor said it's not that urgent to get them removed. Eventually I need to, though. He mentioned that these days all you gotta do is sleep, and they would remove all of them during your sleep, and you would wake up feeling nothing and no pain and the procedure is done! Sign me up, please! That's the best method I've ever heard. They need to apply the same method to..child birth process, I'd say. Ha!
Sorry, getting sidetracked here. So, after the long and painful examination and treatment, the dentist gave me a painkiller to last me 12 hours each, so tonight I expect a painless sleep. But that treatment only already cost me $170!
Please, don't remind me of all the nice things I could have bought with that $170! But I guess, that's the price I have to pay for not having throbbing toothache again!
Dang it. See, I told you I don't like the word D!
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